How to Be Attractive to Women by Integrating Your Shadow SelfRight now I’m watching Dead Poets Society and Inner Game PUA again. Damn this movie is good! Any guy (or girl for that matter) looking to improve their inner game MUST see this movie.
So on another note … Hypnotica has been working me over for a while now, since we met in Vegas at the beginning of January … sometimes sweet, sometimes sexy, sometimes really hard on me … always dominant.
Hypnotica and I had a funny text exchange yesterday. He was hard on me all the previous night and during the day, and then suddenly he turned sweet, and by that point because he had been working me over so hard I was just laughing. :-)
Some snippets of our conversation (remember, this is after he’s been push/pulling with me relentlessly for quite a while):
Him: All I have done is point things out. You can do with or without them anyway you choose.
Me: Well it would help me if you would explain more how it’s landing with you.
Him: I don’t teach that way. It’s more of a surprize when you “get it.”
Me (finding myself surprisingly amused): Lol :) ok honey. Love you. *kiss*
Him: My teachings are not for the timid. Kiss your little forehead for me.
Then we were talking about seeing each other again, because we have some events together next month. [intimate conversation omitted ;-)]
After this all push/pull sank in for me, the conversation continued:
Me: It’s like you are running good cop bad cop on me, except you are both cops.
Him (without missing a beat): And neutral cop.
Later I asked him if he minded me putting parts of our text conversation on the blog. He said it was ok. And then he said …
Him: You can tell them that I am prequalifying you.
Lol :-) Fucking priceless.
Anyhoo, the good cop bad cop thing reminded me of a *very* important point. I’ve talked about it on RSD Nation a few times but not much here on the blog. And that is the importance of integrating the Shadow Self.
Conventional dating wisdom says that women are foolish when they want to date “bad boys.” I say women who are daring enough to admit they want to date bad boys are halfway to Heaven.
I’ve made no secret of my attraction. Two of my favorite movie heroes are Tommy Crown from the Thomas Crown Affair and George Clooney’s character (wooing Jennifer Lopez) in Out of Sight. Both criminals. Both with a sense of humor and an utterly unconventional approach to life. Both utterly seductive.
Why do we love bad boys? Is it because we are masochists and don’t know what’s good for us? Noooooo…
It is because we want to be alive. And part of the way we come to life is to embrace all aspects of ourselves. This goes for men and women. People who suppress their mischievous “dark” side are half dead.
The Tao agrees. “Be really whole and all things will come to you.”
What does being really whole mean? What does it mean to integrate the shadow self? It means loving and expressing all of our facets. It means opening ourselves up and letting ourselves be seen, even when we are frustrated or angry or ashamed. Healing our shadow self means finding our mischievous playful side, the part that wants to be “bad.” Then we need to find ways for that bad shadow self side to be connected to our “good” side. It means realizing there is no good or bad!
There are a couple of really awesome books about this: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford and The Breakthrough Experience by Dr. John Demartini.
If we don’t own our dark side, it owns us. Whereas embracing and owning the dark side makes us very powerful indeed. And besides, it’s way too much fun owning it to do anything else :-)
Make Sure You Own Your Dark Side with Honesty, Don’t Be Mark Manson