How to Attract Women: Why Integrating the Shadow Self Makes Us Irresistibly Attractive

How to Be Attractive to Women by Integrating Your Shadow Self

hypnotica how to attract women

Hypnotica and Erika Awakening in 2014 at the Worthy Playboy seduction event hosted by Johnny Soporno

Right now I’m watching Dead Poets Society and Inner Game PUA again. Damn this movie is good! Any guy (or girl for that matter) looking to improve their inner game MUST see this movie.

So on another note … Hypnotica has been working me over for a while now, since we met in Vegas at the beginning of January … sometimes sweet, sometimes sexy, sometimes really hard on me … always dominant.

Hypnotica and I had a funny text exchange yesterday. He was hard on me all the previous night and during the day, and then suddenly he turned sweet, and by that point because he had been working me over so hard I was just laughing. :-)

Some snippets of our conversation (remember, this is after he’s been push/pulling with me relentlessly for quite a while):

Him: All I have done is point things out. You can do with or without them anyway you choose.

Me: Well it would help me if you would explain more how it’s landing with you.

Him: I don’t teach that way. It’s more of a surprize when you “get it.”

Me (finding myself surprisingly amused): Lol :) ok honey. Love you. *kiss*

Him: My teachings are not for the timid. Kiss your little forehead for me.

Then we were talking about seeing each other again, because we have some events together next month. [intimate conversation omitted ;-)]

After this all push/pull sank in for me, the conversation continued:

Me: It’s like you are running good cop bad cop on me, except you are both cops.

Him (without missing a beat): And neutral cop.


Later I asked him if he minded me putting parts of our text conversation on the blog. He said it was ok. And then he said …

Him: You can tell them that I am prequalifying you.

Lol :-) Fucking priceless.


Anyhoo, the good cop bad cop thing reminded me of a *very* important point. I’ve talked about it on RSD Nation a few times but not much here on the blog. And that is the importance of integrating the Shadow Self.

Conventional dating wisdom says that women are foolish when they want to date “bad boys.” I say women who are daring enough to admit they want to date bad boys are halfway to Heaven.

I’ve made no secret of my attraction. Two of my favorite movie heroes are Tommy Crown from the Thomas Crown Affair and George Clooney’s character (wooing Jennifer Lopez) in Out of Sight. Both criminals. Both with a sense of humor and an utterly unconventional approach to life. Both utterly seductive.

Why do we love bad boys? Is it because we are masochists and don’t know what’s good for us? Noooooo…

It is because we want to be alive. And part of the way we come to life is to embrace all aspects of ourselves. This goes for men and women. People who suppress their mischievous “dark” side are half dead.

The Tao agrees. “Be really whole and all things will come to you.”

What does being really whole mean? What does it mean to integrate the shadow self? It means loving and expressing all of our facets. It means opening ourselves up and letting ourselves be seen, even when we are frustrated or angry or ashamed. Healing our shadow self means finding our mischievous playful side, the part that wants to be “bad.” Then we need to find ways for that bad shadow self side to be connected to our “good” side. It means realizing there is no good or bad!

There are a couple of really awesome books about this: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford and The Breakthrough Experience by Dr. John Demartini.

If we don’t own our dark side, it owns us. Whereas embracing and owning the dark side makes us very powerful indeed. And besides, it’s way too much fun owning it to do anything else :-)

Make Sure You Own Your Dark Side with Honesty, Don’t Be Mark Manson

How to Attract Women – The Ultimate Guide


erika awakening

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. hey Paul,

    I agree with you completely about spiritual equality. As you’ve mentioned before, we write in the symbols of the 3d world but we’re really speaking to something else …

    I also only believe in “power with,” as you are saying. That’s a central tenet of NVC. I said Hypnotica was dominant, perhaps forceful would be a better word. In any event, I never said that I was “dominated.” I don’t ever really see myself as dominated anymore. But I do think that people who are congruent (i.e., their belief systems are integrated) tend to be experienced as more forceful because there’s less static in their vibe. A longer discussion …

    Anyway, thanks as always for your spiritually-focused comments.


  2. hey Erika, it is easy to find your answer… ask yourself why it ok for some men to dominant you and not others. why it is ok for Hypnotica or other pu personalities to do so? is it because you place greater value on him over other men? the women or gfs of pu instructors tend(not always) to give the vibe their pu bfs are better than the attendees of bootcamps. in this 3d world, people tend to assign value to people or objects, hb10, hb11, top 10 puas, phd, md, lists goes on and on….

    for u, did you give a pu guru more value than any other divine being? by giving value to someone or something, are you giving away your power? with all due respect to Czech Girl, does she deserve more value because of her looks and being on a reality show than the next fatty? if you want to teach men a divine seduction model, is it helpful to teach from a perspective that all beings are divinely equal regardless of 3d values? if you teach divine equality, do you think men would ever again fear all the hbs in the world?

    if you ask youself, does jesus or buddha need to be dominant over anybody? again, dominance is ‘power over’ someone. if power is infinite (assuming abundance), do jesus/buddha need to have ‘power over’ someone or would they rather share ‘power with’ someone? is a relationship strong enough that both two divine beings can share equally with the greatest respects for ea. other? is that too much to ask for? :)

    in my reality, i am not better or lower than anybody whether you are homeless, mystery, jesus, buddha, hb1000(that’s you+Czezh Girl combined right.. ;). everyone in world deserves equal respect. i fall short sometimes but i strive to do my best to live this philosophy…. all my love, paul

  3. @ Dan, I like the self-amusement reframe.

    @ Paul, it’s an intriguing question, and I don’t know the answer. I do know that whereas in the past I tended to submit to a guy’s dominance, nowadays I tend not to, or at least not blindly. My core is strong enough now that I absorb what feels good to me and step aside from what doesn’t. If I don’t feel a recognition of spiritual equality and deep mutual respect in a relationship, then I step back until that balance is restored.

    I love giving my vulnerability to men, it’s a huge gift that allows both of us to go deeper emotionally. It only works though in a space of non-judgment. If a guy is judging me, as some “dominant” men tend to do, then we are not in the right space for that kind of intimacy.

    I’ll continue to percolate with this one. Thanks for the comment :)

  4. my dear Erika,
    some thoughts to reflect on…
    i am curious in what you think of this… you referred to Hypnotica as 'dominant' and 'hard on you'. is dominating someone a suppression of the dark side? is it even necessary? if i dont fully understand your definition of 'dominance', and have made assumptions, please correct me. as divine beings, do we really need to control or have power over others? does power/control elicit vibrations of light such as joy, peace, unconditional acceptance & love? If someone really need to dominate another to maintain, hold on to the relationship, or to get sex, is that relationship healthy for the long term? normally but not always, dominance has conditionality or consequences associated with it. A person might say to a lover if you don’t do xyz, the consequences are…. if true, doesnt it elicit fear? if fear is used to motivate someone, does that truly follow the teachings of acim?
    from loa/Abraham hick standpt, you and Hypnotica attracted each other to serve some divine purpose. maybe, it is to heal or to awaken some aspects of you and him. since dominance relates to ‘will power’ or the power chakra, do you think yours can use some balancing? just my intuition…. hope it helps.
    my kindest regards, paul

  5. So, essentially, I translate this into my own worldview as “continue to view ‘game’ as the non-supression of your instincts/impulses,” i.e. self-amusement. Like if I see your butt hanging out there and my brain says “smack that thing,” I smack it. And it seems to have no difference if the instinct is “light/dark” (as long as it’s safe and legal, of course), as long as it’s authentic to who I am and my instincts.

    See, this is how I work, I take your woo woo stuff and turn it into Danspeak.

  6. Erika, You have seen a lot of PUA’S. Who are your top 3 as far a being the real deal? Many claim to be good however a women would know for sure if the hype is right.

    ps. How does hypnotica move the energy/enter your dream state?

    is it enjoyable or is it forced? what do you two do in those states. (if you don’t mind me asking)

    Thank you.

  7. oh, I wanted to add, and there will be more about this in the e-book, that the more developed members of the seduction community, like Hypnotica, are also healers.

    the only other person I’ve seen transmit energy the way Hypnotica does is this guy, Jon Bernie: Jon can literally transmit bliss, instantaneously, into another person’s body and being. it’s quite something to experience.

  8. hi Margaret,

    Welcome to the blog. What a wonderful synchronicity. If you’d like to see more videos of Hypnotica, Darius (whose blog is linked to mine) has several videos on his site. I’m quite fascinated by your intuitions about his strength of personality and him being a “real man,” if you’d be willingn to share more …

    Hypnotica is definitely the real deal. He even has the power to enter people’s dreams, as he has done with me several times, including last night. It’s amazing how we can sense that kind of power just by someone’s vibe.

    Anyway, I can’t help but feel that your seeing that video and finding this blog was not an accident, and I hope you’ll be sticking around …


  9. Hi Erika,

    Just discovered your blog today and have really enjoyed reading your posts and following links. I knew nothing of the seduction community up until two days ago when I had an interesting experience.

    I was on a crowded bus where I had to stand for the 45 minute morning trip. A guy with a seat next to where I was standing was watching some kind of movie on his ipod, so I watched over his shoulder. There was no sound so I amused myself by trying to figure out what he was watching. It seemed to be some kind of self help video, one guy talking to a small group of people. I became quite fascinated by the speaker, without having any idea what he was talking about. He was not particularly good looking, not well dressed, not young, but he was a real man. I could sense the strength of his personality watching him on that small screen, looking over a shoulder. I had to find out who he was and what he was talking about. Anyway I didnt have to ask any questions, as I saw there was some kind of title flashed onto the screen and I managed to catch the word Hypnotica. Oh good.. Google will know all about that I thought and went back to watching the silent speaker. I was not having any kind of sexual feelings, or any kind of fantasy romance about this guy, but he had me interested, and curious enough to search.

    Anyway thats how I ended up here. Your post about Las Vegas was fascinating, I agree about the strength of the non verbal connection. Its actualy what I would tune into first if it is there.

    Thanks for the blog!


    P.S. I have been in a happy poly relationship with two guys for 5 years. If you choose that lifestyle you have to be strong enough to not care what people think because they think (and say) some very nasty things.

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