Years ago, when I was fully immersed in understanding the art of seduction, I wrote a blog article that was very popular entitled “We want to be seduced.”
That “we want to be seduced” article felt true at the time, yet it was incomplete. I left out something that was very important. Unfortunately, without that missing piece of the puzzle, relationships and seduction can quickly turn to pain instead of joy for a woman.
So it took some years sorting out what was missing from my model of seduction, mostly in solitude. Deep down, I knew I still wanted that beautiful dance of seduction, and yet it was not enough. It was so not enough that it was not worth having until I sorted out how it could be fully joyful without the pain.
Some weeks ago, after I tapped through one of the 30-Day Sexual Abundance Challenge videos that I recorded way back in 2012 … a video focused on self-connection … I got picked up on the ski lift by a guy I’d never met before.
I have been very committed to letting it play out slowly, as described in my Tantric Dating articles. Too many past mistakes that led to too much pain. Not going there again.
That said, there was a feeling very shortly after meeting this guy that “this is it – this is that elusive something that I’ve been waiting for all this time.”
Today while I was running a search on Google for the masculine and penetration, I found a pretty amazing article that describes in some ways what I’ve been trying to crystallize for myself. Here is how it describes the ideas of containment and penetration of the Feminine:
“The Primal dominant male is one who enjoys his dominance, and doesn’t view it in the context of degrading or devaluing the other person. It is simply so that he is the physically stronger or more combat-adept, or at the moment the most stable and comfortable with physical control of the situation, and so it is his pleasure to contain and penetrate the female.
“Though most men don’t have a problem with the penetration part of this exchange, in my observation and listening to many men and women talk about sex, most seem to have a problem with the containment element. This is problematic because Straight women and feminine Gay men, as well as a great many Lesbians need this generally. The Primal female or feminine needs this exponentially more. Lack of it means simply that nothing is going to happen.
“Why aren’t more men aware of this? In some cultures, it’s not a problem at all. Containment is a natural part of being close to someone. It’s only in western cultures, the embrace is missing.”
Bingo! What I described in “we want to be seduced” had the penetration element, but it unfortunately lacked the containment element that is so key to a Feminine woman feeling safe with her man and being able to open to him fully.
We see this blind spot writ large in the relationship President Donald Trump has with his wife Melania. Did you see the cringe-worthy video of them meeting the Obamas at the White House? Trump was all too ready to “penetrate” the Obamas … but he forgot to contain his woman first. He forgot to protect and include her in this momentous occasion of ceremony on the White House steps.
And he paid for it later with a cringe-worthy first dance at the inaugural ball, a wife who was clearly upset and really “not that into him.”
I see this viral video as a powerful sign to all of us how we need to heal the relationship between the Masculine and the Feminine by balancing penetration with containment.
For me, “containment” doesn’t only mean embracing her physically prior to and during sex. It also means containment by creating an emotional container for the relationship in which she feels safe surrendering to him fully. The commitment may be defined in various ways depending on the needs of the people involved, but without that commitment … oh watch out. Nothing is more terrifying than a Feminine who has been abruptly left flapping in the breeze after her deepest vulnerability.
And so I reflect again on the ski lift meeting and how this guy made such a deep impression so quickly.
He was containing and penetrating me within two minutes of meeting me, that’s how.
Let’s replay it.
What was the first thing he did as the chair lifted us off the snow?
“Are you a bar down kind of girl?” And he reached for it and pulled it down as I was saying yes.
There you go, I’m contained.
Wow, that is absolutely stunning subcommunication, don’t you think?
He’s basically asking me straight up if I’m a Feminine energy woman who wants to feel safe, protected, and contained, and doing it under the guise of something utterly sexually neutral.
Then, maybe one more minute into this chair lift ride, I was crying out in pain because my feet were cramping up in my boots.
He suggested maybe I should loosen them, that might help.
Then he leaned over, asked if I minded if he loosened them for me, and started unbuckling my boots.
He’s literally undressing me on the ski lift, within two minutes of meeting me.
This is penetration, again under the guise of something that is “not sexual.”
The subcommunication, though, was highly sexual.
And at an unconscious level where the deepest impressions are made, he demonstrated himself to be a man whose very BEING in this world is containment and penetration of the Feminine.
Cuz you can’t fake this stuff.
I’m not ready yet to share all the details of how this has translated into one of the hottest nights I’ve ever spent in bed with a guy, weeks later. The relationship is still fledgling and we haven’t yet had intercourse.
I do though point out how fast a man can start creating massive attraction with a woman by containing her and penetrating her.
As our President demonstrates, penetration is not enough. The Masculine role is to protect and contain so the Feminine can feel safe to express and play and surrender.