It’s Complicated: An Open Letter to My Ex Mark Manson

Rising Above the Son of Man: It’s Complicated Because We Need A New Paradigm

Blogger Mark Manson and Erika Awakening

Mark Manson and Erika Awakening in happier times

Ah, let me take a deep breath. I had no intention of writing any more articles about my ex Mark Manson. Then again, when God speaks to me, I listen. So here goes with another open letter to Mark Manson.

Let me preface this article by saying that my first Love in this lifetime was not a man. My first love was Literature, a love I pursued all the way through college before the “left brain” world co-opted me to law school.

When I was in college, because my family was not well off, I got a job waiting tables to make more money. I remember the restaurant clients asking me what I was majoring in at Stanford University.

“Modern Thought and Literature!” I replied. It was my passion. I loved it.

They would scrunch up their faces with judgment and concern. “How on earth are you going to make a living or get a job majoring in literature?” They saw it as frivolous, a waste.

Never mind that it took me to Harvard Law School, where I was an editor of the Harvard Law Review and graduated near the top of my class.

It turned out that studying literature was far more valuable than that. What I learned from studying literature now informs every aspect of my healing method, Holistic Belief Reprogramming. The whole world we see is metaphor. And those of us who know how to read the literary symbolism of everyday life, can become empowered to heal the whole planet.

Now let’s begin our open letter to my ex Mark Manson.

Dear Mark,

I asked Facebook to stop showing me your articles from quite a while ago. Underneath my scorn was a deeper feeling of sadness, a longing for the Mark Manson I knew seven years ago. His writing was not formulaic and predictable. Back then, he was not writing for “popularity.” He was writing for expression. It was raw and real. I miss that Mark Manson.

Cats Mark Manson

My cats Fritz and Harvey back in the days when Mark Manson visited us in San Francisco

Anyway, I digress. As you may know, in June of this year, my cat Harvey (one of my two cats that you met seven years ago in San Francisco, Mark) was stricken by tragedy. He suffered a dreaded saddle thrombus, which in veterinary medicine is considered a certain death sentence. This was followed by severe congestive heart failure. The veterinarians thought I was “crazy” to treat him. They pushed hospice, euthanasia, and grief counseling on me.

Well, those veterinarians don’t know me very well. I don’t give up easily on the ones I love. And I sure as hell was not going to kill my cat with “death penalty” chemicals. Harvey the Cat’s heart needed healing, and their answer was to stop his heart entirely?

Fuck that shit. I committed to getting Harvey the Cat healed.

Throughout the healing of Harvey the Cat, I have been following hints and Guidance from the Universe about what to tap next. I have at this point more than four terabytes of tapping videos, almost none of which has been released publicly. As I tapped thousands of issues that arose, following my Guidance, the “impossible” began to happen.

The night of the saddle thrombus, Harvey the Cat had been suddenly paralyzed from the waist down with a blood clot. Seeing his panic on the floor of the vet’s office, desperately trying to pull himself forward with his front legs, is one of the most horrific images I have ever seen.

Hearing the vet say “We don’t recommend treating this condition,” was even worse.

As you can imagine, Mark Manson, I was bawling with grief.

(Flashback to my childhood: Although I was away at college at the time, I knew from what my family reported that my childhood cat had been stricken by the same saddle thrombus. Poor beloved Sammy, the best cat ever. My dearest childhood friend. And she was dead in less than 24 hours.)

So it’s been quite amazing to watch over the last six months how magical Holistic Belief Reprogramming really is. With my tried-and-true emergency protocol, I had Harvey’s left leg working again within two or three hours of the original incident. His right leg came back within two to three days.

That turned out to be only the beginning. After two hospitalizations, Harvey was down from his original weight of 11 pounds to a mere 7 pounds. He had been overdosed on Lasix in the hospital, every organ in his body had been affected, and nobody (except me) thought he had any chance of returning to health.

recovering from saddle thrombus

This is Harvey the Cat six months after his seeming “death sentence.” That’s a 50 inch vertical leap up from the radiator, and a 78 inch drop down. Watching him still scares the shit out of me. But he did it!

Yet Holistic Belief Reprogramming saw us through every step of the way … I would receive Guidance from the Universe about what to tap next, I would tap it, and Harvey the Cat would take another step forward.

A thousand baby steps add up to quantum leaps. Isn’t that what you teach, Mark Manson?

This is Harvey the Cat as of Christmas week.

This is what is possible when we learn healing skills and refuse to give up on each other.

Because my healing method has saved both of my cats from certain death sentences … as well as many, many other miracles … needless to say, I trust my Guidance completely, even when things feel overwhelming and I am not seeing any way out of a tough situation.

Guidance About 666 and the Son of Man

So back to you, Mark Manson. Yesterday I received a bunch of Guidance about the number 666. (Tapping the meanings of various numbers that showed up repetitively has been an integral part of Harvey’s healing.)

I received my first ever confirmed booking on Airbnb, and the payout amount for four nights in February is $2666. Harvey the Cat had his lowest respiratory rate since I started counting it nearly six months ago: 16.666666 to infinity. Harvey was drinking 6 ounces of water each day, all week (down from 10.5 ounces a couple weeks ago, so another step forward).


Was my six-month relationship with Mark Manson a reenactment of the Fall from Grace, the exile from the Garden of Eden?

It has not been lost on me, for a long time, the connection between my ex’s name, Mark Manson, and Biblical accounts of the Anti-Christ. Based on how my ex Mark Manson has treated me over the last seven years (if only you could see all his private messages to me, a very different person than his public presentation) … I have often asked myself if Mark Manson is the Devil Incarnate.

When I look up California Street from my apartment in San Francisco, I can see Mark (Top of the Mark) on the left side of the street and Mason on the right hand side. It’s not quite Mark Manson, but it’s very close to Mark Manson. And Grace Cathedral sits just beyond, a little ways more up the hill.

Yet it was only recently that I started connecting all the dots about the meaning of the name Mark Manson. (If you’ve ever studied literature, you know that the symbolism in protagonist names is very important in great novels.) I must admit that my knowledge of the Bible is not as deep as it should be, because Biblical archetypes are very important patterns that run in the unconscious mind that need to be healed.

As a child, I remember being fascinated by the chapter in the Bible called Revelations. It stood apart for me from the rest of the Bible. And now I learn a new meaning about my ex, Mark Manson. Of course, I knew about 666 and the Son of Man (Manson). In A Course in Miracles, it is prophesied that the Son of Man (Manson) shall return to his true Identity as the Son of God.

I was not aware of, or did not remember, the whole bit about the MARK of the Beast. MARK Manson. Interestingly, the mark of the beast is to be on the “right hand.” Those who refuse to take the mark of the beast, like me, follow the laws of God instead. While most take the mark of the beast and follow “this world’s” laws. (Harvey the Cat would not have recovered, under this world’s laws.)

Anyway, some years ago, I received a strange marking to my LEFT hand. The left hand is associated with the RIGHT brain, which is our connection to the Divine and the Laws of God. Whereas the right hand is associated with the LEFT brain (logic, worldly thinking, etc.).

Oh I could write on and on about the unbelievably uncanny symbolism of all this.

Anyway Mark … I was tapping 666, the Son of Man, and the Mark of the Beast (Mark Manson), yesterday … and suddenly … even though I told Facebook long ago that I never, ever want to see articles from you … Not one but TWO of your articles showed up in the feed anyway.

UGH, are you fucking kidding me – will I never escape this man, Mark Manson?

One of the two articles was It’s Complicated.

At first I had my usual knee jerk, eye rolling reaction … judging you, noticing how formulaic the articles are, remembering with nostalgia how much I enjoyed the life that was in your articles years ago …

Then I caught myself, realized that judging you really isn’t helping anyone, and said to myself, “You know, Erika, Mark Manson is doing the best he can just like you are …”

You like great books, right, Mark Manson?

Did you ever read Thomas S. Kuhn, the Structure of Scientific Revolutions? It’s on my shelf still, one of many books I read in college as a Modern Thought and Literature major, that were very eye opening for me.

I thought of that book when I saw your article It’s Complicated.

You know, Mark, everyone is trying to “figure it out” within the old paradigm. Old, tired, wearying debates about monogamy vs. polyamory, what skills would “improve” relationships, blah blah blah …

What I believe is that these contradictions and dilemmas will not get resolved without a leap to a new paradigm.

The other day, I felt really excited that this guy was reaching out to me on Facebook because at first it seemed he might actually be interested in me. Not “me” the photos or the image, but ME the purpose I am living for healing the planet. The real me.

And then at the very end, he had to slip in some comment about kissing me.

I felt utter disgust. I felt so unseen, unheard, totally objectified. I noticed that I also felt too exhausted to have the conversation, yet again, that I don’t date men who don’t learn about and share my purpose.

My solution to “it’s complicated” has been to withdraw from the world entirely.

We need a new paradigm, Mark. A revolution. All the old models will have to go, all the old questions only spin in endless loops. People consider it “success” if they get married and have children, but an astute observer of the long-term trajectory of such relationships – being honest – could not call any of it “success.”

We need a new paradigm. The whole current premise of relationships, creating a little “private corner” of “happiness” and “connection” – is flawed. It works against the principle of Oneness. Even those couples who seem to be “in service” to the planet are still in the old paradigm.

We need a revolution.

healing cat Mark Manson

When I see this woman having her breast cut off to heal … I feel sad, wishing people had the skills to do for themselves what I’ve done for Harvey the Cat.

People are so frustrated, living their lives of quiet despair. Posting their Facebook statuses, trying to align the reality of “what is” with the false ideals of what they think their life should look life. And it’s making people miserable – because like air-brushed, photo-shopped models in magazines, it’s an ideal that can never be achieved.

Because the “ideal” is wrong.

Well I don’t even know if you’ll get this message. I hope you do. I hope you can see that I’m just like you, doing the best I can in a very flawed system. I saw a blog the other day by a woman who not long ago appeared to have all that worldly “success.” It has all ended in tragedy, and she recently let a surgeon cut off her entire breast in the name of “healing.”

I feel deep, deep sadness knowing this breast amputation was not necessary, that there is another way. I just don’t know how to reach them.

You would know how to reach them, Mark Manson.

Happy holidays, Mark Manson.


erika awakening

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  1. ABBY SALZBERG says:


    I like ham; also, broccoli, at times. I fear that this means I’ve been been made a conduit for Ted Bundy’s spirit (which was clearly cast upon me by my sewing instructor’s how-to videos on YouTube) and am now doomed to wander the earth in service of the none-headed (yes: none) god…unless I take charge of my left ventricle chakra energy and pour myself into the viscera of everlasting divine-ness.

    I have solid incontrovertible universally-proven fact to support all of this; all you need to do is ask me and I’ll say it or write it, which is all the proof you need.

    Let’s do it!

  2. I read the book from Manson – and something in the deep of the book is not right or not correct – I exactly dont know what or why – but I had a really strange feelings from that book – that something is not correct or exact – I am not able to explain it. But I am verry happy that I foun this article from you. I wish you a good luck.

  3. Cam patterson says:

    Can you ask Mark to visit Canberra? I’d like to meet him.

  4. Yeah… Except that has nothing to do with what I wrote, and doesn’t seem relevant to anything I have read from Mark Manson. Also, you write an article all about yourself then reject comments about it because they’re about you? You just don’t make any sense at all, and live in a very delusional reality.

  5. Oh my god. How did I find myself here. And Ross Jeffries commented? LMFAO.

    Reality truly is stranger than fiction.

  6. Hey Erika,

    I have read you article and I found it interesting.
    Bellow it’s a video to how not give money every month to Mark for his articles, you may like it.

    • Thanks Alex.

      Many years ago, Mark wrote a blog something like this: “I’d like to see the guy who can lift my girlfriend off me because I’d like to meet him.”

      Took me a while, but I found him. I really didn’t think it was possible myself. But those articles I wrote about the guy who picked me up skiing – that’s the guy Mark was looking for, and Mark has a lot to learn from him.


  7. Deleted

  8. Good job tapping for Bernie, Erika. Out in the first game.

    • Yep he surged when I tapped for him and lost when I didn’t. No response from his campaign about how they are helping small business. We don’t need paternalism, and college education is basically obsolete. So … on we go to Trump. Deconstruction is the first step to creating something new.

  9. Negative, frustrated. Not pleasant to read. No blame on you for this, though.

  10. Help for what?

    Did you see the meme about Trump/Pence … trumpets. As foretold in the prophecies of the Book of Revelation.

    Interesting times ahead, my friend.

  11. awesome erika! congrats!

  12. John Lemay says:

    Erika, although you didn’t use the word forgive, it’s clear that your intention was one of forgiveness towards Mark, and that’s an act of enlightened selfless Love by you. At the same time, keep in mind the true Meaning of Life is for the “Love, care, compassion, and conservation of All Life, including the earth itself”. I emphasize All Life since the world needs those who care about All Life, just as you cared for your pet cat. You obviously care greatly for animals, and I hope you will find the courage to care for other animals in the future too. as you put Mark and the pain he caused you in the far distant past where it now belongs.

  13. You are amazing.

  14. Ross Jeffries says:


    Get help

    And seeing hidden meanings in number sequences and street names?

    We are talking “A Beautiful Mind” nuts here, Erika.

    When God speaks to you, maybe it’s time for Thorazine.


    • Are you sponsored by the pharmaceutical companies, Ross?

      I’ll take that as a compliment. Beautiful mind, indeed.

      Bernie Sanders for President.

      Fritz the Cat … “these numbers are not consistent with him living,” according to the vet, 3.5 years ago. Funny how he seems to be living. I suppose those crazy hidden messages I received to heal him must have been “crazy.”

      Harvey the Cat … I still have the voicemail from the vet who told me to get grief counseling to prepare for the inevitable “life transition.” Nine months later, about the only thing I am grieving when it comes to Harvey is the amount of money I was charged by incompetent veterinarians who subscribe to limited ways of thinking.

      Open your mind, Ross. Live a little.

      I’m gonna go tap for Bernie. Take care.

    • What leadership is about is having the courage to do the right thing now even if it’s unpopular.

      That’s why I’ve been tapping for Bernie for weeks, in spite of the fact that I get no credit for shifting the collective consciousness. That’s why I’ve been tapping for basic issues of justice for several years, even though nobody knows I’m doing it, nobody cares, nobody pays me for it, and nobody would believe me … That one day I looked up and saw the fruits of my labor … in this next President of the United States.

      If I were you, Ross, I would heed Steve Jobs’ advice about loving the crazy ones. Because in actuality, we are humanity’s only hope.

  15. I just got a great shift out this… moving closer!!!! $$$$$$ this man is a lifesaver!!!

    • He will be a lifesaver, when he awakens from the dream of death. Until then, he’s useless to himself or anyone else.

      • That’s not true because obviously you are getting great use out of the situation even though it’s not ideal. You can acknowledge that and still think he is King Turd at the same time that’s fine.

      • $-Tomorrow- =$

      • The first thing that came across my mind this morning “Today is Miracle day!” =( =( =( that may not be the case but… there is a few more hours to go!

      • A miracle did happen…
        What Pain do you have that you want to be seen, felt, heard, acknowledged and validated? Let’s head through the front door here.

  16. sandris safonovs says:

    today was a nice weather, that’s all i can say…

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