The Process of Becoming Fearless About Sex
I feel breathless scared right now. I’m finally returning to the San Francisco Bay Area after a couple weeks in Tahoe and my lover made another date with me for when I return home. I feel absolutely terrified. And that is a great thing! :)
It has not been all rainbows and unicorns since I ended two years of celibacy and had sexual intercourse with him a few weeks ago. We’ve had some wonderful feeling conversations, and we’ve had some really emotionally charged and disconnected-feeling conversations. In some ways, my old pattern of post-sex relationship sabotage was starting to play itself out again.
Yet I have done a LOT of EFT tapping since the last time I had sex. And something is truly different now. I can see what is happening. I can see my patterns. That makes all the difference.
A few days ago, I had a pretty huge realization and wanted to share for those who might find it helpful for their own awakening journey. My relationship issue for a long time has been less around jealousy and more around sex. For some reason, actual penetrative sexual intercourse affects me emotionally in a very intense way. At this point, I am persuaded that it’s NOT just a “hormonal” reaction. And really it only started happening after my spiritual journey began, so it seems to be more about awakening than hormones.
Things were feeling very intense last week with my new lover … disproportionately intense to anything that was actually happening … At first I got sucked back into the pattern. I was being reactive to him, and a little bit rigid and demanding. Yet unlike in the past, I was not totally engulfed in it this time. The noticer in me was noticing what was happening. One day when it got overwhelmingly intense, I stepped back and got really present with what I was FEELING. I went out to the ski slopes by myself and felt everything that was coming up in my body. Good God, it felt intense. It took full application of all the self-development skills that I have learned over the years not to keep reacting to the feeling of intensity that wanted to run old ego scripts and blow up the relationship.
In the midst of this intensity and overwhelm, something finally connected for me. I realized that this FEELING of intensity is exactly what has happened every time I’ve had sexual intercourse (which is very few times) over the past bunch of years. I’m an empath normally but what’s been happening is that the empathic experience gets intensified about a hundred fold in the weeks after I have sexual intercourse. So not only can I pick up on emotional stuff with my lover even if I’m not physically with him, it’s like I can feel everyone and everything in the Universe, and it’s super INTENSE. Overwhelmingly intense. Energetic incongruities seem magnified to the extreme.
Anyway, my lover and I managed to communicate through this turbulence and I felt a big shift. A few things that had felt so very important to get clear about with him IMMEDIATELY then didn’t feel so urgent. As the intensity began to lessen, and I could see the pattern clearly, I felt more willing to “go with the flow” and allow our relationship to unfold instead of needing certainty about everything right now. I realize now that the perceived need for certainty was arising out of the feeling of intensity. The feeling of intensity had me feeling so out of control that I wanted to grasp on to something to feel more stable and centered. Yet now that I can see the pattern, I don’t need that certainty anymore. I can reach back inside myself and feel the stable center within me.
I can also see the gift in the intensity now. And this is the most exciting part of all! I can see now that sex is opening me in a really radical way. It is enhancing my sensitivity, my ability to feel, my ability to experience Oneness with the world around me. If I can just get present with the intensity instead of shutting down, my guess is that this is going to open up entirely new possibilities in my life …
So … I’m feeling grateful for seeing clearly a pattern that has really been interfering with my ability and willingness to go deeper in multiple relationships. My “solution” for this extreme emotional experience until now has been celibacy and I’m not willing to go back to that … going to keep moving into the intensity and releasing it.
What’s amazing about how breathless scared I feel right now about seeing my lover in a few days is … it no longer feels like it’s going to capsize my ship and capsize the relationship. It just feels like the first wobbly steps out of celibacy … and into sexual freedom. Which I celebrate today with a very happy heart :)
If you missed our earlier articles about monogamy, check them out here:
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About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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