Grappling with My Little Fear Monster
I feel scared to have sex again. There, I said it. What coaches are not supposed to say because we’re supposed to have it “all under control” and be graceful all the time … and, well, I’m not. Sometimes, I feel decidedly ungraceful. In fact, I embrace messiness as part of my transformation process because very often a feeling of chaos and “everything going down the toilet” precedes my quantum leaps …
So this is me. Raw, uncensored, perfectly imperfect … I’m still feeling scared to have sex. So scared of it that my ego interposes all sorts of strange obstacles and “noise” between me and it. Convincing me that all my worst fears are coming true and I had better … stay very far away from sex. I had better manufacture a wall of words and conflicts to put between me and sex.
And this actually used to seem … believable.
It’s just not believable anymore. I go in and out of feeling intensely triggered. Wow, there must be gold beyond this veil because the ego really, really does not want me to move through this. In fact, it wants to jettison every opportunity to move past it before I even get there …
So I’m just patiently working through my triggers and fears as they arise, and … not believing it anymore. I will move through this. I do not care what it takes.
For now though, I’m doing nothing. Waiting, listening, in quietness.
If you missed our earlier article about this, you can read it here:
If you missed our earlier articles about monogamy, check them out here:
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About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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