Over the past few days, I’ve been sitting with what to do with sex. I’m not sure physical sex fits into my life anymore. In many ways, I seem to have come all the way full circle to the very first blog post I wrote nearly five years ago about Why I Practice Celibacy.
And I thought about how radically my life has changed in five years. I used to have a full-time job and also be blogging several times per week, building a business in the evenings and weekends, and running around the country on my “vacations” giving speeches. In essence, I had two full-time jobs.
Life is so different now. Life is so quiet now.
I have learned how to be peaceful. I quit my job, paid off all my debt, downsized my possessions, and I keep two very clean and quiet home bases.
Tonight I considered attending a conference here in San Francisco on Monday. It’s only a few blocks from my home, I could walk. The money for the ticket would show up, whatever I buy always gets reimbursed by the Universe.
Yet I found myself unwilling to go. What are they going to teach me there, that I don’t already have? I feel no motivation to go. They might tell me I could make more money, or have more blog traffic, or be more famous … and I would not be able to get enthusiastic about that at all. I’m off the hamster wheel.
I see other people still rushing around the world, attending festivals, practicing BDSM, frantically making more and more money … and I feel the way that I imagine John Lennon began to feel when he wrote the song about “I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round” …
Where do people find the motivation to flog each other in bed? That sounds exhausting to me.
(And don’t get me wrong, I used to be into it. That feels like five lifetimes ago.)
Where do people find the motivation to make more and more money when they already have enough? That sounds exhausting to me.
I’ve completely lost track of time and days. Today I went to bed at about 9 am and woke up at 3 pm. I keep a very light work schedule with a few wonderful private clients and a lot of open space to record EFT tapping videos. And the more videos I record, the less I care about … just about anything.
So I was thinking about what kind of sex would even fit into this lifestyle. I do cook for myself, organic vegan cuisine, so that is physical but even that is very minimalistic. I do booty workouts here at home, and I’m happy to say said workouts are turning out to be effective with minimal time and effort invested.
I rarely leave home. Why would I? There’s nothing “out there” that I don’t already have “in here.”
So other people’s frantic lifestyles feel very strange to me now, even though just a few short years ago, I was living it.
Having children? Forget it. Unless a child is going to be as still and peaceful as I am, that simply is not going to work. There’s no way I’m giving up my peaceful nights of sleep and my effortless minimalistic lifestyle.
So what kind of sex would fit this lifestyle?
Well, nothing that requires any effort. You want me to give fancy blow jobs and drive to your house? It’s never going to happen. It’s not that I’m trying to be one-sided or unfair about it either, it just simply would not happen. I can barely motivate myself to drive to Tahoe a few times a year … and what gets me up there is knowing I’ll be able to stay for weeks or months at a time.
My life is all about being now. It’s not about doing anymore. There’s nothing out there to get. When I let go my need for external validation, it became abundantly clear how much EVERYTHING I was doing in my life was trying to fill some role or void or social programming. And none of it made sense anymore. So I stopped pretty much all of it. It’s a big week for me if I make it to the bank to deposit a check and the farmer’s market to pick up some organic pumpkin seeds :)
So where would physical sex fit into that?
Well, it wouldn’t be about orgasm or toys or athleticism. The only kind of sex that could possibly fit my lifestyle now would involve being. This anonymous Lover who is faceless to me right now would always come to my home, would never expect a blow job or any other kind of rote “reciprocation,” would not expect me to look after his kids or his house or anything else. I clean up after myself and am very, very clean, so that’s not it. Doing just simply does not fit me anymore.
I need to be. Just be. Effortless and peaceful, as often as possible.
There would be no BDSM, no floggers, no elaborate positioning, no fetish costumes, no “performing” in bed, no porn star oohing and aahing, no elaborate courtship rituals, none of that … it’s too much trouble. It’s too much work. We’d probably just lie here, holding each other and breathing. :)
Sound boring? Not to me. How to Attract Money with EFT Tapping is the best gift I’ve ever given myself. And somehow, month after month, God provides. Money seems to show up almost out of nowhere. From everything I can tell, this being is exactly what God wants me to be doing, because He is supporting it in every way.
Or maybe sex isn’t part of the picture at all … I don’t really know.