More on the Power of Radical HonestySo apparently I am a little bit dense lol. Last night I ended nearly two years of celibacy and had sex with my new lover. For me, this romance feels very new. Apparently, according to him, he’s been flirting with me for a long time lol. Like … years. The reason I didn’t think of it as flirting was that there was so much genuine caring in it that I thought of it as friendship. Not superficial friendship. Real friendship.
I felt comfortable having sex with him, even though he is married and has several other lovers, because of the presence and communication skills that he brings to every one of his relationships. His real life is very close to alignment with one of my ideal life mantras:
“All of your relationships are total commitments, and do not conflict with each other in any way.”
- A Course in Miracles
So of course as our entire relationship has been built on radical honesty and communication skills, last night before we had sex, I continued to be as transparent and honest as I possibly could. (After all, I tried to talk him out of dating me at our erotic party lol.)
One of the fears that came up for me quite suddenly while we were drinking raspberry liqueur and holding each other was fear that I would not “measure up” as a lover. After all, he has so many lovers, and I have been celibate for so long.
Many people would never say this out loud, but I did. It sounded very serious coming out of my mouth, like the WORST POSSIBLE THING EVER.
“I’m worried that compared to all your other lovers, I just won’t be good enough.”
There was a very pregnant pause as the street cars of San Francisco clanged in the background and we looked at each other, perhaps both shocked by the confession…
And then we both started laughing. Hard. We could not stop laughing. How big and ugly this fear seemed before I said it, and how puny and ridiculous it sounded when it actually came out of my mouth and was confronted with the light of consciousness.
Still laughing, he pulled me to his chest and kissed me. And he said:
“Well, my dear … If you’re not good enough … [long pause] … we’ll just have to practice some more.”
LOL. It was an amazing night. Full of honesty and connection and mutual acceptance and discovery. And today not only do I feel joyful, I also celebrate that this new relationship lives in freedom. Excluding nothing and nobody. I celebrate his wife and his other lovers as contributors to … not detractors from … our relationship. I feel no co-dependent pulling on each other in either direction, just loving in freedom. And I feel excited to explore the possibilities.
If you’d like to learn how to become this honest, present, and fearless, check out:
If you missed our earlier articles about monogamy, check them out here:
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About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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