Where In Your Life Are You Still Holding Back?

“Sometimes you gotta say ‘What the Fuck,’ make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying ‘What the Fuck,’ brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future.”

– Risky Business

healing addictionsIt’s noon in Phuket, Thailand. I’m sitting in my hotel room with beautiful light filtering in the windows and palm trees swaying in the breeze. And I’m sipping a Singha beer. No, I don’t usually drink at noon. I don’t usually drink beer, either. Nobody is going to fault me when someday they learn what happened Simplify Your Life in 30 Days with EFT Tapping. I didn’t in my wildest dreams imagine how this was going to unfold … and those details are not yet ready to be shared. Today let’s talk about where in your life you are still holding back and what to do about it …

Once upon a time, I was one of those people who just “moved on” in life. If I started to feel upset about something, I would pick a new goal or a new exciting activity or a new interesting romantic partner, and “go for it.” Or focus on making more money or getting in shape or … something. I’d go down that path for a while, maybe months maybe years … convincing myself it was actually fruitful. Only to be disillusioned by it sooner or later.

That “avoidance strategy” doesn’t work for me anymore. Today I could be flying to exotic Langkawi, Malaysia and drowning myself in gorgeous beaches, fine wine, and spa treatments. That would all be avoidance. We pursue all these meaningless goals to get away from ourselves. All my guidance the past couple years has been to go the other direction. Instead of covering up my fear with apathy or defense mechanisms or frenetic activities, I have been doing my best to face fear in every form it takes.

So instead I ditched my plans, forfeited thousands of dollars in non-refundable hotel and airplane reservations, and am about to do the boldest and possibly stupidest thing I’ve ever done. (You’ll forgive me this Singha, right?)

In an article I liked very much about Overcoming Fear, Mark Manson put it this way:

“Right now there’s something in your life you want but you’re afraid to do it. Part of it is you haven’t developed a lot of will power. Part of it is that you haven’t accepted your fear of success or fear of rejection or fear of intimacy or whatever it may be.

But the real reason you don’t do it is because you have left yourself alternatives. Eliminate your alternatives. Create an environment for yourself where you have no other options. How bad do you want it?”

That something in your life you want is like a splinter in your mind. It’s there nagging at you 24/7, urging you to step off the bandwagon of excuses and bullshit and for once in your life do something truly courageous and bold. Instead, you sign up for skydiving or scuba diving or get into yet another relationship that you know isn’t going anywhere … and you AVOID facing what needs to be faced.

And then one day … I promise you this will happen one day for you also … you’re like Neo when the White Rabbit shows up. You can’t avoid what you know in your heart for even one moment longer:

“Let me tell you why you’re here. You’re here because you know something. What you know, you can’t explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there. Like a splinter in your mind – driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me.” – Morpheus

So today as my non-refundable reservation in Langkawi beckoned me, the thousands of dollars about to be down the drain, and the minutes ticked away until eventually there were no flight options for me to take to get there … and the Angel cards were telling me loud and clear NOT to book a flight to Langkawi … that it was absolutely imperative that I ditch my plans and take this leap of faith … I was like Neo when he wants to get out of the car and Trinity says to him:

Trinity: Please Neo, you have to trust me.

Neo: Why?

Trinity: Because you have been down there Neo, you know that road, you know exactly where it ends. And I know that’s not where you want to be.

It was so, so tempting to let my “sunk costs” determine the decision, and yet it was so, so clear that I had to do something entirely different. That everything in my life depends on me making a new choice today. And so I did.

I don’t know what will happen. I’m in free fall here. I may fall flat on my face and yield nothing from this. I feel more vulnerable and bewildered than probably ever in my life. And yet in this willingness to go where I have always shied away from before … there is truth, and there is power, and there is self-respect.

Mark Manson also wrote this:

“For instance, my primary defense mechanism is apathy. When I get nervous, I convince myself that I don’t care about something and it doesn’t matter to me, when in fact it does. For instance, years ago I used to go out to bars and parties for no other reason than to meet women. But once I got there, I would convince myself that I didn’t care about girls and just wanted to drink and talk to my friends. Obviously, I was full of shit.” – Mark Manson

We all do this. We all know we have a purpose in life that is so grand it can save the whole world. We can feel that purpose tugging at us from the moment we are born. And yet we ignore it. We tell it to go away. We drown it out with “moving on” and apathy and defense mechanisms and bullshitting ourselves.

I can’t silence that voice any longer.
I know what I’m here to do. And it’s not small potatoes either. I’m talking about curing cancer and curing aging and ending all suffering on this planet – and I’m not exaggerating. If I have to go fall flat on my face to the tune of losing many thousands of dollars and a lot of pride, over and over again, that’s what I’m going to do. I can’t bullshit myself anymore. I’m here for the salvation of the planet. So is every single one of you. And if I’m called to do the “impossible,” then sitting on a beach in Langkawi pretending that I’m not being called is pure cowardice.

In A Course in Miracles, it is explained this way:

“Do as God’s Voice directs. And if It asks a thing of you which seems impossible, remember Who it is that asks, and who would make denial. Then consider this; which is more likely to be right? The Voice that speaks for the Creator of all things, Who knows all things exactly as they are, or a distorted image of yourself, confused, bewildered, inconsistent and unsure of everything? Let not its voice direct you. Hear instead a certain Voice, which tells you of a function given you by your Creator Who remembers you, and urges that you now remember Him.”

So wish me luck, my friends, as I take this leap of faith into absolute vulnerability and fearlessness. I know this is a cryptic post. What I hope you will get out of it is this:

Look at your life and ask yourself – where am I avoiding my own greatness? Where am I making excuses and bullshit to cover up my fear? Where am I avoiding intimacy? And so on and so forth, until all the fear in your life is gone.

Maybe someday you will come to the gate where the words become truly meaningful:

“Sometimes you gotta say ‘What the Fuck,’ make your move.”

Love,

Erika Awakening, High Priestess of Miracles here at TAPsmarter

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