Inspired by Steve Pavlina … Let’s Co-Create Some Great Cuddling

meeting in personIt’s been a while since I was really inspired by a blog post. And maybe that’s my issue. Maybe I haven’t felt open to be inspired. When my popularity surged a couple years ago, I was on the receiving end of countless people wanting to connect with me – mostly on levels that felt very one-sided or unsatisfying to me. Whether they wanted free coaching without giving anything back, or casual sex, it grew tiresome after a while. And to be honest, I really shut down emotionally. I started focusing only on my paying clients and customers because at least there I was feeling some mutuality and it felt very satisfying to work with people who committed to what I teach instead of just the dabblers.

Now the pendulum has swung the other direction. After spending much of the past two years in solitude, I am feeling an interest again in connecting with people. Especially connecting in person. So I was absolutely delighted to read the beautiful expression of core values in Steve Pavlina’s recent post about Meeting In Person (you can check it out here).

Much of what Steve describes resonates very deeply with me. I also feel burned out on superficial internet-only connections. I’m not interested in coaching people for free or engaging in “intellectual” discussions that are really just ego mind chatter with no grounding in body, heart, and spirit … Like Steve, I am going to be extremely selective about the people I connect with … This is not an “elitist” thing. It’s just an expectation that if you want to connect with me at this level, you have already done your “inner work” and are not expecting me to coach you through it for free. I am only interested in connecting in this way with people who can also help me grow in new ways.

Here are some guidelines, many of which resonate deeply with what Steve wrote:

1. I like cuddling, too! I have cuddled with hundreds of men in my life with whom I never had sex. Last night, I had yet another experience that is one of the reasons why I got turned off on sex and dating. I was connecting with a guy at a bar, but once we got back to my room, he was single-mindedly focused on fucking me. I was not down for that, and frankly I really don’t like the pressure. This has happened way more times than I can count. That is not the experience I want to co-create here. So unless you are a person who can be satisfied with cuddling if it goes no farther than that, and not put pressure on me to do more … then we are not a match.

2. I am interested in exploring sexual connection, ONLY if it feels right for both of us. See above about no pressure please. If your main focus is physical and you’re not connecting with me in mind, heart, and spirit, then this is not a compatible match and it’s better we don’t waste our time and energy.

3. I am interested in both men and women. Although my long-term relationships have all been with men, I can under the right circumstances be attracted to women. I would be interested in exploring cuddling with women and possibly more.

4. In touch with your feelings and able to use them for transformation. Recently I dated a guy where at first there was a strong spiritual connection. Unfortunately this did not translate into a solid relationship in part because he was really out of touch with his feelings and also with mine. Everything I do in my coaching practice and products is based on having a very strong emotional connection to myself and not being scared to feel and express dark emotions like fear, grief, guilt, and anger. I’m not into “fake positive thinking.” I’m interested in engaging with people who can create authentic shifts to more positive frames by being deeply in touch with all of their feelings. If you need help with this, the place to start with that is with my products and coaching. For the kind of connection I’m offering here, I expect you to be already an expert in this area.

5. Commitment to non-exclusive relationships. I’m not interested in monogamy, for you or me. Steve Pavlina is part of a community to which I also belong, that is committed to non-exclusive relationships. I have actually met Steve several times in person at the amazing Successfulness Workshops organized by Johnny Soporno. What I love about this polyamorous community is that we can go back year after year and everyone is still open to connection with everyone, even as the constellation of more “primary” relationships often shifts over time. This feels warm and welcoming to me. For me, part of true maturity as a man or woman is to step aside from either/or thinking and embrace both/and thinking. A Course in Miracles teaches: “All of your relationships are total commitments and do not conflict with each other in any way.” From my perspective, monogamy is a type of either/or exclusionary practice in which I am not interested in participating. Probably nothing feels more awful to me than investing in a connection and then having the other person say “Oh sorry, I can’t connect with you anymore. I’m now in an exclusive relationship.” Yuck. I also notice that I don’t feel nearly as attracted to people who choose monogamy. Over time, it has been my experience that they tend to stagnate and miss out on the richness of multiple connections and what that can bring to all of the relationships in which one is involved. You don’t have to agree with me about this, however if you are not deeply committed to non-exclusivity in relationships, then please do not contact me for connection. We are not a match.

6. Commitment to betterment of the planet. In my value system, awakened people all understand something: We are not here to serve our personal interests. We are here to make the world a better place. There is no possible way at this point in my life that I could date someone who had a corporate job, for example, unless they were well on their way to getting out of it. If you have not taken the time to read my blogs and explore what I teach, we may not have much to talk about in person. Salvation of the planet is my only purpose. All of my relationships must somehow also serve this purpose, or there just won’t be any staying power. And what I’m interested in here is co-creating multiple connections with depth and longevity. A shared purpose is what creates the possibility of that depth and longevity.

7. Physical location.
I am open to connecting with people from all over the globe. As a practical matter, right now I have no plan beyond the trip I’m currently on (I’m in Phuket, Thailand as I write this). Easiest connections for now would happen in San Francisco Bay Area or the Lake Tahoe area in California. Now if you live elsewhere, don’t let that deter you. When we go to the Successfulness Workshops organized by Johnny Soporno, we connect on all levels with people from all over the globe. We may not see each other every day after that but the connection endures and remains when we return and reunite the following year. So as long as you are interested in depth and longevity, I am open to connecting if you are just visiting the area or we happen to be in the same place at the same time.

This is just a beginning of what I want to express about this … I would imagine that I will be revising this as I go along and get increasing clarity about how I want to re-open to embodied connection. Comments and ideas are welcome. If you do feel you can meet all of my criteria, you can email me at Clearly, I am only going to feel inclined to respond to messages that deeply engage what I’ve just written … Thank you :)


Erika Awakening, High Priestess of Miracles here at TAPsmarter