Question from a Reader – How to Be Non-Reactive

As many of you know, I am a frequent poster on RSD Nation, which is Tyler Durden’s forum for aspiring pickup artists: I love posting about how the spiritual tools I talk about here can help guys be better with women. This is not spiritual mumbo jumbo. I’m a pragmatist and only recommend things if I know from personal experience that they will help people in real life. A number of guys over there have told me that my advice is helping them get the girl :-)

One of my blog readers submitted this question:

“I just wanted to say, its been so awesome having those small and brief connections with you. I’m glad someone made me come over to RSD nation!

“Like I said before, I love your blog! That kind of mindset is something that I’m looking for as well.”

[Nice work buttering me up by the way. ;-) Thanks for the appreciation.]

“So this is what I’m wondering.

“With RSD Nation. I’m sure that not all comments to you or about you have been good.

“I’m just wondering what kind of things you use or mindframe that you are in to detach from outcome and detach from what other people think about you?”

Thanks for a great question. You are absolutely right. RSD Nation has 1300 guys on the forum at any given time, and I am the only girl who currently posts on a regular basis. Especially at the beginning, I received a LOT of comments that weren’t exactly … flattering.

Lol :-) That would be an understatement.

Your question is a great one because being unreactive to what other people may think of you is so key to living a full and limitless life.


The Short Answer

The short answer to your question is that I transformed my world view to this:

“I’m going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall Rosenberg puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’

“What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of ‘please.'”

– Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication

“There is but one interpretation of motivation that makes any sense. … Every loving thought is true. Everything else is an appeal for healing and help, regardless of the form it takes.”

– A Course in Miracles

“Every action is either an expression of love or a call for love. Reframe all aberrant behavior as a call for love, and you will have the key to healing. You will know what to do for yourself and you will know what to do for others.”

-Alan Cohen

“You do not need to prove your worth to anyone. You just need to know it.

-Alan Cohen


The Longer Answer

I’m too tuckered out at the moment to give the longer answer but will circle back again when the energy moves back in this direction.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. hi VikingBlud,

    Thanks so much for the comment and welcome to the blog :-)

    What you pointed out is awesome and was actually going to be part of the “longer answer” that I still haven’t managed to write yet.

    I absolutely 100% agree with you that humor is one of the best possible ways to address negativity. Humor is in itself a “reframe,” really.

    Truth is, I *love* the humor on RSDN. It’s part of what keeps me going back there again and again. Sometimes I’ll read a post and be smiling all day. I haven’t laughed so much in years :-)

    More on that later, but thanks for bringing it up.


  2. VikingBlud says:

    Interesting reframe.

    What a lot of guys happen to do when they step over the indifference threshold after consciously putting themselves into situation that beget a lot of social pressure and rejection, is they almost get careless with their self-amusement.

    I agree that a lot of the comments you’ve gotten are total bs negativity but some that you might consider as a “cry for love” I thought were hilarious.

    Probably those comments were just meant to be jokes, black comedy.

    The internet doesn’t really allow for the whole context of a post to show.

    So I’d say sometimes just smirk at the comment and don’t judge the person as a luv starved individual.


    Just a thought, love the blog and this was really cool because I have to love more people that don’t love me.

    Like my friend’s girlfriend that hates my guts, instead of fueling it I can just accept it and show her some human to human love.

    – VB

  3. “You find the people most critical of others .. are MOST critical of themseleves. Poeple most accepting of others are most accepting of themselves.”

    Yeah, you are so right. The people who seem hardest to reach are those who are in the most pain. They attack only because they feel attacked.

    When I remember how painful it was to live in the personal hell of the ego, I automatically have way more compassion.

  4. Hey Erika

    Thanks for posting that.

    Those quotes actually reminded me of something that i learnt a little while ago. To think in loving ways and to send love to everybody especially those that seem they deserve it the least.

    Its such a mental reframe, what you just did.

    Because it takes it off YOU. Instead of kind of be self absorbed. You get to see the bigger picture. You find the people most critical of others .. are MOST critical of themseleves. Poeple most accepting of others are most accepting of themselves.

    Thank you for reminding me about this. And also reminding me to reach out and have empathy for those around me.

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