As you all know, I am fascinated by the idea of non-monogamous relationships. In part, this has come from my deep reading of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), and I have talked more about it Special Relationships Holy Relationships. (Btw, I’ve never mentioned it on here before, but my nickname for ACIM is “God’s Ultimate Guide to Inner Game.”)
When I discuss polyamory with people, though, most people express a lot of skepticism about whether it can ever really work. Many people seem to believe that it will always break down into jealousy and conflict.
From my own experience, I know that polyamory is not only possible, but actually quite blissful. I already practice a non-sexual form of polyamory. My guiding principle, from ACIM, is this:
Under the Holy Spirit’s teaching all relationships are seen as total commitments, yet they do not conflict with one another in any way. Perfect faith in each one, for its ability to satisfy you completely, arises only from perfect faith in yourself.
So then the question becomes, is a sexual form of polyamory equally possible?
Rori Raye talks a lot about Circular Dating, which may or may not be sexual depending on what FEELS good to the woman involved. (Here is an example of one of her posts.)
One of the many inspirational things I saw on last weekend’s Vegas trip to learn Attraction Tips was Johnny Soporno’s model of polyamory and open relationships. Johnny has a primary girlfriend and he also has a number of girl friends with whom he has sex. And he REALLY makes it work. I asked him for some articles explaining how he does it, and he offered these two:
My ‘Two Rules’ to happy, comfortable non-exclusive relationships
Converting Girl Friends into ‘Girlfriends’
Johnny has two elegant rules:
Rule One: I WILL BE NO WOMAN’S ONLY MALE LOVER!
Rule Two: Every girlfriend MUST COMMIT TO DO HER BEST to get along with my other girlfriends.
He elaborates on both rules in his article. What really speaks to me is the emphasis on non-exclusivity as a road to harmony. Why do relationships fall apart? Usually because someone is trying to get most or all their needs met by ONE PERSON. It just puts too much pressure on relationships. Under Johnny’s model, EVERYONE is circular dating. And this means people are getting their needs met by multiple people.
If you will allow me a metaphor: This is very much in line with the theories behind acupuncture and other energy healing techniques. The idea is that chi (the life force energy) is intelligent. If unblocked, it goes exactly where it needs to go. Health issues, conflicts, and other problems arise only when energy is blocked.
Similarly, under Johnny’s model, the energy among people can flow freely. If you have a lot of trust in the Divine Intelligence, as I do, each person will always end up with exactly the right person to meet their needs at that moment … as long as the energy is unconstricted. The trouble starts when people try to get and keep anyone or anything for themselves alone, thus constricting the flow of the energy. Sharing is caring!!
What I want to emphasize is that, from everything I saw last weekend, Johnny’s model of polyamory really does empower him to have enduring and relatively peaceful relationships with multiple women. So he’s definitely on to something!! :-)
For a previous blog entry on a similar type of polyamorous relationship that Entropy PUA has with his girlfriend, click Mark Manson Guest Post.