I gotta share a moving experience I had last night at American Tuesdays, which is a weekly get-together held each time at a different bar or restaurant. Counterpart to French Tuesdays which I mentioned in my original Natural Game post.
This is why I *love* nonviolent communication.
Gorgeous blonde girl comes running over, she is being chased down by this guy. She talks about how she’s being stalked, for three years can’t get away from this guy. Then she is followed by this guy, who actually seems pretty decent, sweet, and good looking. He comes running over, all full of urgency, bursting at the seams.
These two people are in one of those hopeless loops, it’s a conflict, it’s a nightmare. Neither one is actually seeing the other one. If they did, they’d see that they are both just really awesome people who are doing the best they can.
I get really present. words just come. it’s not coming from me. I touch him on the shoulder:
Me: look, she’s really uncomfortable, she wants you to see that.
Him: yes, I see that, she’s really uncomfortable.
then I turn to her.
Me: He just wants to be seen as a human being, really (my hand still on his shoulder)
something happens. it’s not from me. the whole moment gets overtaken.
all of a sudden, HE is crying. I kid you not. but the tears are not pathetic, they are so REAL. I tell him it’s sexy to see a guy be that real.
all of a sudden, she’s saying “omg I feel bad.” (but really she is SEEING HIM for the first time)
all of us are connected in that moment. full presence.
he goes off to the bathroom. he arrived on the scene with urgency. he leaves with calm and dignity.
I predict next time they meet it will be a completely different dynamic.