First off, yay, the Woo Woo blog made it into another article, this time by Bobby Rio, you can see it here.
Second off, also found on Bobby Rio’s website, go Jennifer Aniston (click here). What an inspiration she is.
And now, settling into our regularly scheduled programming. I just got back from a super fun ski weekend with one of my smoking hot Eastern European girlfriends. We’ll call her Czech Girl. A couple of years ago, she was one of the bachelorettes on that show Joe Millionaire, so that gives you an idea of how hot she is. And, yes, she does have a very sexy accent, which leads us into our story for today.
When Czech Girl and I go out, we get approached A LOT. This weekend was no exception. We had two nights of apres-ski, and both nights we had dinner and drinks at a very sociable restaurant in Squaw Village called Twenty-Two. Both nights we were sitting at the bar.
The first night, we were very innocently minding our own business when the guy on the other side of her started talking to us. (We’ll call him 22 Guy.) Neither one of us are the type to blow guys out unless they are really rude, so we were giving him a chance. Unfortunately … and you regular blog readers know I’ve written about this before, the conversation started going something like this:
Him: Where are you from?
[Oh God, I can't take it! Czech Girl and I have been approached so many times, and her accent is of course immediately noticeable, but seriously, do you want to be the 999,999th guy to ask this question?!? Puh-leeeze.]
Me (interrupting before she answers because I can’t take it): How about if you guess where she is from? That’ll at least make it interesting for us.
Him: Ummm… well if I had to guess, I’d say Brazil.
Czech Girl: Brazil?! [looking at me and continuing:] Can you believe he thinks I’m from Brazil?! Do I look Brazilian?!
I have been to Brazil, and admittedly it’s a diverse population down there, but she really does not look Brazilian :-)
[OK, so he is way off base, but at least she is engaged now. Better to get a negative reaction than a comatose one.]
So finally after a few more guesses, he guessed she was from the Czech Republic, but then he reverted right back to asking “interview” questions again.
Him: Where in the Czech Republic?
Him: How long have you lived here?
Him: What do you do for work?
Czech Girl: [She tries to make polite conversation, but after a few more questions like this, her body is turned almost 180 degrees away from him, the "energy" of the conversation has dropped into the floor, and she turns to me and says:] Let’s go over to the other bar, Erika.
At this point, I can’t hold myself back any longer. When I tune into this guy’s energy, he’s so in his head that I can literally feel gears whirring up there. All the energy has been sucked out of us within about five minutes, and I just can’t let a guy continue on like this, so …
Me (to him): Ok, stop. Hold everything. 22 Guy, I want you to look at Czech Girl’s body language right now. What is her body language telling you?
Him: *deer in the headlights look*
Me: Does she look like she is connecting at any level with what you are talking about? Noooooo… look at her. The energy of this conversation has dropped to lifeless, and she wants to get the hell out of here.
Him: Yeah, I’ve been living overseas and just got back here again, and I’m having trouble with the transition.
Me: Ok, look, 22 Guy, we have a lot of work to do here. First things first, you have got to stop asking questions and start making statements. Can you feel how every time you ask us one of these questions, there is an awkward pause? Do you feel how the energy level of the conversation drops?
A look of vaguely dawning recognition passed over his face.
Me: Do you have any idea how often we get hit on and that guys ask these same boring questions in every single conversation? Do you know how tired we are of answering them? Do you understand how tired I am of hearing Czech Girl answer that she is from Prague, and blah blah blah every single time?
Him: So what am I supposed to do? I’m trying to get to know you guys.
Me: Well, we need to get you doing everything differently. And the first thing you must do is stop asking these inane questions and start making statements. Start guessing, playfully guessing the answers instead of asking.
Anyway, from here I gave him a coaching session. (I give credit to Connection Guy for providing an easily teachable way to avoid “interviewing” a girl into an early death from boredom. He talks about it in his e-book. Instead of asking, a guy guesses and does a series of cold reads. “You seem like you’re Brazilian, you’ve got that mischievous look that I’ve seen with Brazilian girls,” etc.)
I also gave 22 Guy instruction in kino and using sexual imagery to heat a girl up. But I emphasized that he shouldn’t even TRY those things until he can get basic rapport with a girl using statements instead of questions. I explained how the girl needs to be imagining having sex with him in her mind long before he ever actually tries to have sex with her. We also talked about inner game issues because a lot of his statements about his ex-girlfriends revealed a victim mindset, and a guy needs to reorient himself to positive beliefs about women if he’s ever going to have fulfilling relationships with them.
Anyway, Czech Girl and I moved on to another bar. To 22 Guy’s credit, he actually sought us out later, and joined our group so he could get more coaching. And the whole interaction was a huge gift to me, too, because it made me realize how much this coaching thing is my passion and calling in life, and that I really need to be doing it professionally. When I see a guy “get it,” even if he’s only getting some little piece of the overall puzzle, it lights me up inside. Every single guy on this planet is capable of “getting it,” and I want to see men and women having much more exciting and fulfilling relationships, so seeing a guy get it at any level makes me very very happy. :-)
This was also really fun because Czech Girl finally got to see why I am so fired up about this seduction stuff. Indeed, the very next night, at the very same bar, we got approached by another guy (we’ll call him Second 22 Guy). He opened us with a low-pressure situational opener (“is that dinner for you guys or just a snack?”) and then proceeded to engage us in a lively conversation that quickly deepened. He unapologetically told us he was divorced with kids, and that led to a conversation about what went wrong with his marriage. He didn’t blame his wife at all though and showed how much he had learned from the relationship, so that was a turn on. We ended up inviting him to a party that was happening later at our house. I went to bed early, but Czech Girl told me this in the morning:
Czech Girl: Erika, you were so right about this. Second 22 Guy did all the things you were telling 22 Guy to do. Second 22 Guy was using statements instead of questions. He started touching me at the party, and touched me more and more as the night went on, and I was feeling more and more comfortable. And I really did start imagining what it would be like to do more with him. It was such a contrast to the night before. It felt completely different. And now I see what you mean about teaching this stuff to guys.
Need I say more? :-)
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the race race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms.
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