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Johnny Soporno’s Model of Polyamory and Open Relationships

As you all know, I am fascinated by the idea of non-monogamous relationships. In part, this has come from my deep reading of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), and I have talked more about it HERE. (Btw, I’ve never mentioned it on here before, but my nickname for ACIM is “God’s Ultimate Guide to Inner Game.”)

When I discuss polyamory with people, though, most people express a lot of skepticism about whether it can ever really work. Many people seem to believe that it will always break down into jealousy and conflict.

From my own experience, I know that polyamory is not only possible, but actually quite blissful. I already practice a non-sexual form of polyamory. My guiding principle, from ACIM, is this:

Under the Holy Spirit’s teaching all relationships are seen as total commitments, yet they do not conflict with one another in any way. Perfect faith in each one, for its ability to satisfy you completely, arises only from perfect faith in yourself.

So then the question becomes, is a sexual form of polyamory equally possible?

Rori Raye talks a lot about Circular Dating, which may or may not be sexual depending on what FEELS good to the woman involved. (Here is an example of one of her posts.)

One of the many inspirational things I saw on last weekend’s Vegas trip was Johnny Soporno’s model of polyamory and open relationships. Johnny has a primary girlfriend and he also has a number of girl friends with whom he has sex. And he REALLY makes it work. I asked him for some articles explaining how he does it, and he offered these two:

My ‘Two Rules’ to happy, comfortable non-exclusive relationships

Converting Girl Friends into ‘Girlfriends’

Johnny has two elegant rules:

Rule One: I WILL BE NO WOMAN’S ONLY MALE LOVER!

Rule Two: Every girlfriend MUST COMMIT TO DO HER BEST to get along with my other girlfriends.

He elaborates on both rules in his article. What really speaks to me is the emphasis on non-exclusivity as a road to harmony. Why do relationships fall apart? Usually because someone is trying to get most or all their needs met by ONE PERSON. It just puts too much pressure on relationships. Under Johnny’s model, EVERYONE is circular dating. And this means people are getting their needs met by multiple people.

If you will allow me a metaphor: This is very much in line with the theories behind acupuncture and other energy healing techniques. The idea is that chi (the life force energy) is intelligent. If unblocked, it goes exactly where it needs to go. Health issues, conflicts, and other problems arise only when energy is blocked.

Similarly, under Johnny’s model, the energy among people can flow freely. If you have a lot of trust in the Divine Intelligence, as I do, each person will always end up with exactly the right person to meet their needs at that moment … as long as the energy is unconstricted. The trouble starts when people try to get and keep anyone or anything for themselves alone, thus constricting the flow of the energy. Sharing is caring!!

What I want to emphasize is that, from everything I saw last weekend, Johnny’s model of polyamory really does empower him to have enduring and relatively peaceful relationships with multiple women. So he’s definitely on to something!! :-)

For a previous blog entry on a similar type of polyamorous relationship that Entropy PUA has with his girlfriend, click HERE.

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Comments

  1. Zen says:

    Steve Pavlina wrote about polyamory recently:

    http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/01/polyamory/

    http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/01/polyamorous-relationship-qa/

    Some people on his forum disagree with his decision and constantly project their perspectives and dump unsolicited advice onto him without stepping outside their belief systems momentarily to consider how

  2. Gary says:

    Ha Zen, I was just going to refer to Steve myself! His latest blog articles seem now to be coming out of the reaction to his authenticity, for how dare he question such sacred ground as marriage!!!

    For some reason, the idea of polyamory keeps coming back to me lately, even though I’m not seeking it at all. I’ve been reading OSHO’s book Love, Freedom, Aloneness, and there is a mystic

  3. asankhya says:

    I’ll definitely check em out.

    I’ve seen people put down polyamory before. The ones who say jealousy would be an issue are simply saying jealousy would be an issue for them; they’re projecting their own greed onto others.

  4. Wim says:

    Hi Erika,

    I just stumbled upon your blog through a link Johnny sent me.

    For over 2 years all my relationships have also been polyamourous. I’m still finding my way though… lots of obstacles, doubt, criticism. That’s why it’s nice to hear good experiences from others.

    I also write a lot about polyamory and inner game, but since it’s all in Dutch I doubte you could do

  5. Erika says:

    Yes, I definitely need to check out Steve’s writings on this subject. I was very happy to make his acquaintance recently, as I had long been a fan of his writing.

    One of many reasons I like Johnny’s model is the focus on staying friends with the girl no matter what. Part of the reason I avoid traditional relationships is that I never again want to have another “break up.” It seems

  6. Zen says:

    Erika: “It seems unnecessarily tragic to share so much with someone and then have him/her disappear from one’s life. I much prefer all my relationships to last forever, even if the form may change over time.”

    Exactly how I feel. Traditional break-ups tend to leave this… feeling of unresolvedness…that’s the only way I can describe it.

    By the way, Erika have you ever heard

  7. Erika says:

    hi Zen,

    Welcome to the blog btw.

    Yes, I am actually friends with a couple of the AMP guys, and Decker has even commented on this blog. I haven’t seen their teachings though, sounds like it’s time for me to check them out ;-)

    Love,
    Erika

  8. Anonymous says:

    interesting duscussion!!

    zen – i relate to you when you state eventually arriving at the question of monogomy vs. unconditional love.

    I have gone back & forth btwn monogomous & polyamorous relations (btw, i am woman, if it matters) to varying degrees of success. I have to agree with Jonny Soporno's advice – the best experience came when there was full disclosure,

  9. Zen says:

    @Anon: I like your perspective on limiting beliefs. I was overgeneralizing when I used the phrase albeit I was thinking of a “love or fear”-like frame when I wrote it.

    Did your view of “people as energy and their presence as a material form” alone help with the break-up or did you use other things that recontextualized the process?

    Haha as far as finding a partner, I’m sure baby

  10. Anonymous says:

    Hi zen – and erika thanks for graciously letting us chat via you blog :) – glad my persective got across – on re-read of my comments i realize i wrote quickly & bit sloppily. (meant a without rather than with, but perhaps there are no accidents, lol)

    re:recontextualizing. what a great question! hmm.

    i will typically use anything i can get my hands, heart & mind

  11. Zen says:

    @Anon: Yeah, you answered the question. When you wrote about helping others, it reminds me of reading Conversations with God in which God says “Whatever you choose for yourself, give to another.” When I read that, I had a paradigm shift. I then realized that selflessness or win/win was a better perspective than my old view.

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