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Johnny Soporno’s Model of Polyamory and Open Relationships

As you all know, I am fascinated by the idea of non-monogamous relationships. In part, this has come from my deep reading of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), and I have talked more about it Special Relationships Holy Relationships. (Btw, I’ve never mentioned it on here before, but my nickname for ACIM is “God’s Ultimate Guide to Inner Game.”)

When I discuss polyamory with people, though, most people express a lot of skepticism about whether it can ever really work. Many people seem to believe that it will always break down into jealousy and conflict.

From my own experience, I know that polyamory is not only possible, but actually quite blissful. I already practice a non-sexual form of polyamory. My guiding principle, from ACIM, is this:

Under the Holy Spirit’s teaching all relationships are seen as total commitments, yet they do not conflict with one another in any way. Perfect faith in each one, for its ability to satisfy you completely, arises only from perfect faith in yourself.

So then the question becomes, is a sexual form of polyamory equally possible?

Rori Raye talks a lot about Circular Dating, which may or may not be sexual depending on what FEELS good to the woman involved. (Here is an example of one of her posts.)

One of the many inspirational things I saw on last weekend’s Vegas trip to learn Attraction Tips was Johnny Soporno’s model of polyamory and open relationships. Johnny has a primary girlfriend and he also has a number of girl friends with whom he has sex. And he REALLY makes it work. I asked him for some articles explaining how he does it, and he offered these two:

My ‘Two Rules’ to happy, comfortable non-exclusive relationships

Converting Girl Friends into ‘Girlfriends’

Johnny has two elegant rules:

Rule One: I WILL BE NO WOMAN’S ONLY MALE LOVER!

Rule Two: Every girlfriend MUST COMMIT TO DO HER BEST to get along with my other girlfriends.

He elaborates on both rules in his article. What really speaks to me is the emphasis on non-exclusivity as a road to harmony. Why do relationships fall apart? Usually because someone is trying to get most or all their needs met by ONE PERSON. It just puts too much pressure on relationships. Under Johnny’s model, EVERYONE is circular dating. And this means people are getting their needs met by multiple people.

If you will allow me a metaphor: This is very much in line with the theories behind acupuncture and other energy healing techniques. The idea is that chi (the life force energy) is intelligent. If unblocked, it goes exactly where it needs to go. Health issues, conflicts, and other problems arise only when energy is blocked.

Similarly, under Johnny’s model, the energy among people can flow freely. If you have a lot of trust in the Divine Intelligence, as I do, each person will always end up with exactly the right person to meet their needs at that moment … as long as the energy is unconstricted. The trouble starts when people try to get and keep anyone or anything for themselves alone, thus constricting the flow of the energy. Sharing is caring!!

What I want to emphasize is that, from everything I saw last weekend, Johnny’s model of polyamory really does empower him to have enduring and relatively peaceful relationships with multiple women. So he’s definitely on to something!! :-)

For a previous blog entry on a similar type of polyamorous relationship that Entropy PUA has with his girlfriend, click Mark Manson Guest Post.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Zen says:

    @Anon: Yeah, you answered the question. When you wrote about helping others, it reminds me of reading Conversations with God in which God says “Whatever you choose for yourself, give to another.” When I read that, I had a paradigm shift. I then realized that selflessness or win/win was a better perspective than my old view.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hi zen – and erika thanks for graciously letting us chat via you blog :) – glad my persective got across – on re-read of my comments i realize i wrote quickly & bit sloppily. (meant a without rather than with, but perhaps there are no accidents, lol)

    re:recontextualizing. what a great question! hmm.

    i will typically use anything i can get my hands, heart & mind wrapped around. I love help!

    when dealing with break ups or any pain, for that matter, this is when i am most grateful for a spiritual practice. i usually start with that little pep talk – what's the point of a spiritual practice if you don't call it up during the hard times. and isn't it a really great thing to know that we can heal ourselves, thus expanding our ability to take greater & greater leaps.

    also, this is when i most appreciate having nurtured deep, loving relationships. one of the most beautiful things in life, when your time of need is met by people who want to give back what you have given to them, and vice versa. these successes keep me inspired when i seem to have created a mess. as to the failures, so what, i can do better & will keep trying. thank god i am alive to have the chance.

    did i answer the question? lol. in brief, meditating, a good cry, time with healthy friends all seems to help. time, period.

    also, if someone gifts me with letting them help them, that is typically a huge boon. good to get my mind from dwelling too long on suffering & loss when there are people open & willing to receive love. why not go there? the sooner the better. :)

    but i think you say it best – trusting there is a higher power working some magic seems a great antidote, even if it takes awhile for the "medicine" to kick in.

    "Haha as far as finding a partner, I'm sure baby Jesus is working his magic ;)"
    – THANKS for that!!! it really made me smile. I do believe life can be magical!!!

  3. Zen says:

    @Anon: I like your perspective on limiting beliefs. I was overgeneralizing when I used the phrase albeit I was thinking of a “love or fear”-like frame when I wrote it.

    Did your view of “people as energy and their presence as a material form” alone help with the break-up or did you use other things that recontextualized the process?

    Haha as far as finding a partner, I’m sure baby Jesus is working his magic ;)

  4. Anonymous says:

    interesting duscussion!!

    zen – i relate to you when you state eventually arriving at the question of monogomy vs. unconditional love.

    I have gone back & forth btwn monogomous & polyamorous relations (btw, i am woman, if it matters) to varying degrees of success. I have to agree with Jonny Soporno's advice – the best experience came when there was full disclosure, empowering me to make my own choice & did not operate on a "dont' ask, don't tell" basis. transparency seemed to serve the better interest for all. As well, this man was emotionally mature & allowed me full "power of choice", in other words was fully comfortable allowing me to select whatever partner i cared to enjoy with attempting editorial control, for lack of a better term. I think if all is clear, & all parties accept the situation, usually the end result is positive, be it poly or monogomous relations. I do care, personally, to make the distinction between unconditional love & unconditional sex, and to know that my partner knows the difference. Unconditional love is a worthy aspiration & if everyone was the dalai lama, then our world would be easier to navigate, lol, but likely a lot less learning

    On the matter of "limiting beliefs" however, i do think this is subjective & dependent on how one defines "limited". For example, what might find it more expansive to experience breadth, while another would choose depth. From what I have viewed, most art forms, and i consider relationships an art form, truly flower when given attention, care, commitment & time. As well, I find, as i am sure most do, relationships to be a magnificent instrument for learning. For me, poly-amorous relationships make it more challenging to arrive at the level of deep learning I am seeking, and I find it all too easy to repeat the same patterns, with just a slightly different exterior. I suppose one could argue that patterns could be repeated with the same long-term parnter, but what i am hoping to find is another set of astute, aware eyes to help me move through this world with ever-increasing grace. I am pretty sure I am handful & may be a full-time job for some ambitious soul, :)

    Sorry to write so copiously, but i did want to chime in a comment re: break ups & disappearance. I used to feel this way myself, but try work through this by viewing people as energy & their presence as a material form. Therefore, the end of the relationship may re-materialize into a new dynamic, lover to friend. Or, perhaps this energy will rematerialize in a different form in the future, in altogether different body. So less a tragedy, but more an opportunity to recreate the energy in our mind, letting go of the aspects which no longer serve & enhancing those we have learned help us to serve one another more.

  5. Erika says:

    hi Zen,

    Welcome to the blog btw.

    Yes, I am actually friends with a couple of the AMP guys, and Decker has even commented on this blog. I haven’t seen their teachings though, sounds like it’s time for me to check them out ;-)

    Love,
    Erika

  6. Zen says:

    Erika: “It seems unnecessarily tragic to share so much with someone and then have him/her disappear from one’s life. I much prefer all my relationships to last forever, even if the form may change over time.”

    Exactly how I feel. Traditional break-ups tend to leave this… feeling of unresolvedness…that’s the only way I can describe it.

    By the way, Erika have you ever heard of the Authentic Man Program? I really like their way of handling inner game and opening women. A lot of what you describe in your writings remind me of AMP. The nonverbal communication that goes on between the men and women during the videos makes charged sexual polarity almost tangible…it’s so real and vulnerable.

  7. Erika says:

    Yes, I definitely need to check out Steve’s writings on this subject. I was very happy to make his acquaintance recently, as I had long been a fan of his writing.

    One of many reasons I like Johnny’s model is the focus on staying friends with the girl no matter what. Part of the reason I avoid traditional relationships is that I never again want to have another “break up.” It seems unnecessarily tragic to share so much with someone and then have him/her disappear from one’s life. I much prefer all my relationships to last forever, even if the form may change over time.

  8. Wim says:

    Hi Erika,

    I just stumbled upon your blog through a link Johnny sent me.

    For over 2 years all my relationships have also been polyamourous. I’m still finding my way though… lots of obstacles, doubt, criticism. That’s why it’s nice to hear good experiences from others.

    I also write a lot about polyamory and inner game, but since it’s all in Dutch I doubte you could do anything with it :)

    Love,
    Wim

  9. asankhya says:

    I’ll definitely check em out.

    I’ve seen people put down polyamory before. The ones who say jealousy would be an issue are simply saying jealousy would be an issue for them; they’re projecting their own greed onto others.

  10. Gary says:

    Ha Zen, I was just going to refer to Steve myself! His latest blog articles seem now to be coming out of the reaction to his authenticity, for how dare he question such sacred ground as marriage!!!

    For some reason, the idea of polyamory keeps coming back to me lately, even though I’m not seeking it at all. I’ve been reading OSHO’s book Love, Freedom, Aloneness, and there is a mystic who quite clearly promotes the idea of polyamory (and is a very funny read in the process!)

  11. Zen says:

    Steve Pavlina wrote about polyamory recently:

    http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/01/polyamory/

    http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/01/polyamorous-relationship-qa/

    Some people on his forum disagree with his decision and constantly project their perspectives and dump unsolicited advice onto him without stepping outside their belief systems momentarily to consider how Steve might see things. I happen to like the idea of polyamory and plan on looking into Johnny Soporno's material.

    If one progresses spiritually, one eventually arrives at the question: "How can I have a monogamous relationship and unconditionally Love others?" I have no answer to the question myself but I like the sound of unconditional Love.

    It's funny how people who are interested in the seduction community & spirituality typically have less qualms around polyamorous relationships. Something to do with dissolving limiting beliefs perhaps?

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