So last night I was out at Americano with Czech Girl. We were sitting at the bar and both in a good mood, catching up cuz we hadn’t seen each other since I wrote about I can’t stand that question, bad questions if you’re trying to attract a girl. I was feeling pretty sexy, and Czech Girl even commented cuz I was wearing fishnets and slightly more revealing outfit than usual. (Truth be told, I usually dress pretty conservatively, even when going out. Doesn’t seem to matter, guys hit on me anyway. But I also know how to dial it up a bit when I’m in this sexy kind of mood ;-)
I was, as usual, very innocently minding my own business when I noticed a guy (we’ll call him Peruvian Guy) in a group next to us making pretty intense eye contact with me. I returned it a little bit, and noticed right away his persistence. This already set him apart from the vast majority of guys who are not self-confident enough to persistently hold eye contact with a girl.
Plus, and this goes back to About Being Approachable that I talk about so often on this blog, his eye contact didn’t say “I’m a sleazy pickup guy.” It said: “I’m really intrigued by you for some reason, and I would like to learn more.”
Sure enough, when my friend went to the bathroom, he approached me, and we started talking, and I liked him right away. I knew I was going to like him before he even said one word though. I can’t even remember what he said at first.
He had a strong accent (sexy), and I found myself asking “Where are you from?” Then I started laughing at myself cuz I can’t stand that question, bad questions if you’re trying to attract a girl, as everyone who reads this blog well knows. So I checked in with myself to find out why I was asking it and realized that — because I was actually interested in this guy and because I’m not into fleeting relationships — what I really wanted to ask was:
“Do you live here or are you just passing through?”
Well, it turns out he’s originally from Peru but he lives here. Good.
Then we laughed about how much we both roll our eyes about “interview” conversations. I told him that my new answer to “where are you from?” is going to be “from nowhere and everywhere.”
And there was lots of other good subcommunication. For example, he told me a story of how people sometimes pay his tolls on the bridges. With everything I know about vibe, I know that anyone that sort of thing happens to has a loving, abundant mindset cuz that’s the type of person who attracts that kind of generosity. Plus it’s an upbeat, fun story.
Other things these guys did right:
* When my girlfriend came back from the bathroom, Peruvian Guy’s friends (a guy and a girl) came over and talked to her, so she continued to have fun also. No pressure on me to wind up the conversation so that she wouldn’t be bored.
* Peruvian Guy was definitely touching me more as the conversation went on, but it was in a very subtle way by essentially leaning against the back of the chair I was sitting on. How it felt is like we had known each other for a while and were having a very intimate conversation. I felt desired.
* We laughed a lot. Everyone was in a great mood.
* Peruvian Guy got my number into his phone, sent me a text message while we were standing there (he said “From nowhere to everywhere,” which is good because it referenced our conversation), and when I didn’t respond (cuz we were still hanging out), followed up later in the night with this: “Hey- you never confirmed you get my msg or not … it would be wonderful if you do so.”
You all know I’m a sucker for guys who are assertive about their communication and open about showing their interest in me, so I liked that.
Ok, I’m off to Tahoe now, see you all soon :-)
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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