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Facing the Fear of Being Alone

Becoming Fearless Day #8 – Learning to Embrace Solitude and Being Alone

Morning yoga Pura Vida Spa Costa Rica

Morning yoga at Pura Vida Spa in Costa Rica

How desperately do you avoid being alone? For many people, this is one of their greatest fears.

Do you know why people are so afraid of being alone? They are not actually afraid of being alone. They are afraid of the FEELINGS that begin to arise in them when they are alone. For much of my life, I avoided those feelings just like most people do, either with activities, or socializing, or intellectualizing. My favorite “escape” as a little girl was reading books.

Costa Rica just may do the “impossible,” which is turn me into a “morning person.” Nobody here seems to understand the concept of “blackout curtains,” lol, and I awoke this morning at 6 am to the brightest imaginable light and a cacophony of jungle birds and insects and our resident rooster crowing. Lol :)

Because I am so practiced at tuning in to my body and my feelings, I noticed immediately how uncomfortable I felt in my body upon waking. All sorts of mixed feelings – probably stirred up by the massage and healing sessions yesterday – were surfacing. Earlier in my life, I probably would not have noticed this consciously. I would have unconsciously wanted to get away from the feelings as quickly as possible, and I would have taken steps immediately to avoid the feelings with some kind of dissociative activity.

Instead, I headed for the yoga studio here at Pura Vida Spa in Costa Rica. It’s a beautiful yoga studio here, overlooking a panoramic view of San Jose, Costa Rica, and the surrounding valley. Why did I head to yoga? Because yoga helps us get even MORE present and in touch with the uncomfortable feelings. If you practice yin yoga as I do at home, you stay in poses for four to six minutes at a time, and it gets VERY uncomfortable. These are opportunities to bring to the surface whatever in your life needs to be cleared and let go.

View of San Jose, Costa Rica

View of San Jose, Costa Rica from my beautiful room here at Pura Vida Spa in Alajuela

As I mentioned in a previous article, one of the answers to the fear of traveling alone is to meet new people. For the past couple of days, though, I have not felt social. I have felt very inwardly focused. And indeed, if I were socializing frenetically during the entire trip, I would probably just be avoiding something. Many “hyper social” people are doing just that. Watch how difficult it is for them to be alone or still. They can’t do it because they are avoiding their feelings. And eventually this avoidance becomes exhausting and leads to all kinds of dysfunctional and addictive patterns.

Learn to embrace being alone. Paradoxically, it will make you more fearless socially because you do not “need” other people, and therefore you will not be “needy.” When you can take it or leave it socially, it actually makes you MORE magnetic. And as I’ve discovered during this trip … I did not lose any of my magnetism by spending the past couple of years mostly in solitude. I’ve still got it. I can turn it on and off at will. But if anything it’s stronger than it was a couple of years ago :) That’s a testament to the power of my system of Holistic Belief Reprogramming. The more fear you clear out of your energy system, the more magnetic you will become.

Later today, I intend to record Day #8 of the 30-Day Becoming Fearless Challenge, which will probably be “Fear of Being Alone,” including fear of our own feelings. And Day #9, which will probably cover “Fear of Not Being Understood,” including communication issues in foreign languages.

*****

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Love,

Erika Awakening, High Priestess of Miracles at TAPsmarter

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Britany says:

    It’s exactly what you’re describing that makes solo travel such a valuable experience that I believe everyone should experience at least once. Being alone with your thoughts in a foreign environment has a way of bringing up everything you’ve avoided thinking about with the distraction of companions and the familiarity of your routine at home. Good for you for putting yourself out there and traveling solo! I’m sure it will be worth it.

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