In this article, Erika Awakening shares her personal journey with using Holistic Belief Reprogramming (HBR), which is an advanced version of Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping, to heal the feminine pain-body.
Last month, some wild stuff happened on my journey, and I wanted to share it with you today … get ready for some radical honesty, some of this is very graphic. I have always believed that it is important for healers to be straightforward about their personal journey in order to help more people.
Those of you who have been following this journey for a while may recall that in 2010 I had a White Tiger Tantra experience with Steve P. (you can read more about it here).
That experience brought some deep dark stuff that had previously been repressed into my conscious awareness, but it turns out that was just the tip of the iceberg …
Since then, I’ve had several episodes of violent onset of my menstrual cycle. Waking up in the morning at the beginning of my cycle feeling awful pain, and then vomiting and other very intense and painful symptoms. The kind of sick where part of you wishes you were dead, it’s that unbearable …
Not fun!! But each time it has happened, I’ve gone deeper into the subconscious mind … earlier this year, I had glimpses into past lives (which I grieved as if they had happened to me in this lifetime) … and this latest journey was the deepest. Literally, I could see the whole Matrix, and it has led to my most powerful product yet (more on that in a minute).
So … My menstrual cycles had been irregular for years, ever since I was about 13 years old, but tapping has mostly regulated them. They have become so regular that it was unusual in December that my cycle was about ten days late. About a week after it was supposed to arrive and hadn’t, some strange things started happening …
First, I have been playing a lot with Angel cards, and one from the Earth Magic deck kept coming up over and over again: Vision Quest.
This Vision Quest card by Steven D. Farmer instructs:
“A ‘vision quest’ is a process whereby you spend a few days in the wilderness alone. Typically, you carry only water and some sacred items with you, and you spend most of the time praying or meditating. Many who have completed a vision quest assert that it is a powerful and even life-changing experience, and report vivid and profound revelations ….
“It is time for YOU to go on a vision quest. … This is one of the more powerful cards. By drawing it, whatever other messages you may have received are amplified threefold.”
Well, I was in Tahoe so I went out in the woods behind the house to my sacred outdoor meditation space and I did meditate there.
A day or so later, I heard the song “Hungry Like a Wolf” on the radio and immediately associated it with sex, with fear of being devoured in sex.
A day after that, two burly men came to the house to install my new flatscreen television, and while they were in the house, they asked me to come upstairs. The lead guy pointed out the windows of the front of the house, and there were three coyotes in the facing neighbor’s driveway. He started telling me how the coyotes hunt … my second chakra was activated. This was all clearly imagery showing me my association between sex and danger.
If you’ve been following me for years, you may recall that I said it was like there was an Electric Fence around sex for me …
In what unfolded over the next few days, I finally understood what had created the Electric Fence for me …
After the coyote incident, a couple days later, I went to my massage and acupuncture appointments. I could feel that some grief was trying to make its way to the surface but I was resisting it a lot …
My masseuse was working on a hard spot in my abdomen when suddenly a memory popped to the surface … of a time when I was in high school and woke up feeling crappy one morning. I told this to my father, and his response was “I hope it’s not morning sickness.” He then punched me in the stomach, right in the third chakra. The grief finally came to the surface, I was crying, seeing how this one incident had been blocking me for years. Coded in my subconscious mind as “I’m not allowed to get pregnant,” which of course means I’m not allowed to have sex because there’s always a risk of getting pregnant.
As I drove home, the grief poured to the surface, and my mind started making connections quickly … pregnancy scare with my ex, fact that I seemed to “lose my power” in my relationships after I stopped using birth control, past life memory with my ex of losing one of our children, learning in Sunday School that women had to be punished eternally for the Fall from Grace by pain in childbirth, fathers “owning” daughters and controlling sexuality, sexuality being repressed to preserve the “sanctity” of the family … all the pieces were beginning to make sense …
That night, I got the Oracle card: “You’ll know in the Morning.”
When I woke up, my period was starting, and I was violently ill. As I writhed around in the bathroom, vomiting and in pain, I began to see directly into the Matrix of the subconscious mind … I was having VISIONS … I could see how the long-repressed Feminine Pain-Body is running the entire planet, how it connects with the Masculine Pain-Body, why I have been terrified of sex — I could see how it was all connected, not only in my own life but for the entire planet — and although it was not easy, I tapped furiously while I was sick … for the first time during one of these violent menstrual episodes, I was able to bring some presence into it and get some temporary relief from the pain. I even felt a warm glowing feeling in my pelvis. Then I fell asleep for several hours and woke up feeling much better.
By synchronicity, one of my members at TAPsmarter.com had just requested that I record a 30-Day Sexual Abundance Challenge as a follow-up to the 30-Day Financial Abundance Challenge, which was a resounding success (read more here).
I had already flirted with many of the ideas that I address in this new product, but never this thoroughly or in depth. In the span of just a few days, I recorded all 30 videos, and then I spent most of the few days after that sleeping (after a major cleansing of the subconscious mind, we need to “re-boot” so the mind can reorganize itself at a higher level of consciousness).
And then I released it: the 30-Day Sexual Abundance Challenge …
What has happened since I recorded this product:
1. A tightness in my abdomen that my masseuse and I had been working on for months with little progress is gone (my masseuse was amazed).
2. My response to being around sex, both in person at Project Hollywood and watching porn, has softened dramatically.
3. My bed-mate last weekend did not snore, not even a little bit (snoring is a manifestation of the tremendous negative feelings I’ve been carrying around and a convenient way to avoid intimacy).
4. My heart feels way more open.
5. Several other “signs of land” that I am not yet ready to share publicly, suggesting that a major shift is happening.
I am now in the process of tapping along to all 30 videos again … I predict that I will be sharing with you some major, major changes over the next couple of months. Will be very interesting to see Johnny Soporno Worthy Playboy …
If you’re curious to see the topics of the 30 videos in this ultra-powerful product (as far as I know, NOBODY else is teaching this stuff), you can read summaries here.
Stay tuned …
Love,
Erika Awakening
Update by Erika Awakening on May 27, 2012:
More vomiting this morning with the start of menstruation, but this time it was all clear (never has been before), cramping lighter, and overall easier. Partly because I’ve stopped fighting it. I’ve come to see this as an important part of my ego-purification process. Interesting there were no “visions” this time, I think we’ve cleared those out. And when I brought my presence into the cramping pain, there was just a soft bittersweet sadness rather than a lot of memories and limiting beliefs as it was a few months ago. The sadness would shift as I brought my presence into it, and then I would vomit again, so I see it as again part of the purification process. Then I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 1:30 pm. :)
Love,
Erika Awakening 5/27/12