How to Attract Women – Change Your Life by Changing Your Belief System
What Is A Belief System Overhaul? It means we need to change the way you think from the foundation to the roof. A belief system overhaul is a radical realignment of your core beliefs. We must remove the limiting beliefs and create a brand new way of thinking, feeling, and being.
Here is a letter I received with a request for my advice about how to attract women and how to feel more confident. This is an example of a guy who doesn’t need superficial help because nothing superficial is going to work for him. It’s not going to matter how many “sets” he is prodded to approach. What’s going on with him is much deeper than a little bit of social anxiety.
I don’t have time right now, but when I get a moment, I’ll go through his letter paragraph by paragraph and show you all how I would work with this guy if he were standing in front of me right now.
This guy needs a full-on belief system overhaul. Life is definitely meant to be much more joyful than this!!
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Here’s the text of his letter to me:
Tonight was supposed to be my night to finally begin the journey of ACTUALLY turning over a new leaf in my personal life and my relationship with the female population. I was so excited to get a good hair cut, have some rather decent clothes bought for me, go out on the town, and FINALLY put into use what I’ve been reading my heart out for the last 2-3 weeks.
It’s really quite ironic. I thought to myself, “I’ve been given the keys to all of my worries. All I have to do is unlock the door and walk through. I can’t believe when I’m watching The Pick-Up Artist on VH1 and seeing these guys being HAND TAUGHT by Mystery, Matador, etc. and still choking. I won’t be like that.” I’ve read all the books, read all the horror AND success stories, watched the YouTube clips of live action, and done just about everything I can possibly do to prepare myself for the new life I’m about to begin.
I, quite simply, choked.
Since it was my friend’s birthday, I went to meet up with her and another couple so that we could go start the evening. The VERY FIRST THING the birthday girl said to me was, “Oh no, you cut your hair! I TOLD YOU I like it better when it’s long and you haven’t cut it!” Great. $40 spent on an awesome hair cut (or so I thought) and I get cut down right off the bat by someone who’s supposed to be one of my closest and most supportive friends.
Still, I attempt to maintain a positive energy heading into the night.
[Restaurant] for dinner. Not only do I not approach any sets, but my OWN FRIENDS pretty much ignore me the whole time and only stop to then turn to me and comment on how I need to drink more so I’ll be talkative. Getting more and more beta by the second it seems.
We go across the street to [Bar]. TONS upon TONS of HBs everywhere. So many sets I could open, but I instead stick to my friends, sitting there at the end of a table talking to no one, nursing a drink and making chit-chat with whomever decides to take pity on me and talk. Even though I’m having a genuinely decent time with my friends, the fact that I mentally acknowledge the presence, logistics, and even PREPARE MY ROUTINES for all of these sets, and then walk past them without smiling or so much as saying a word, devastates me more than at any point before in my social life.
I feel diminutive. Inadequate. Self-conscious. It’s basically a complete and utter meltdown on the inside. I proceed to have a few more drinks, get buzzed, and finally manage to string together a couple lines of dialogue with some fellow AFCs going in and out of the bathroom. Awesome. What a friggin’ PUA I am…
Honestly, I wouldn’t normally even tell anyone about this. I’d pretend like it never happened, roll on with my life, and live with the shame forever. I’d beat myself up for the next week, then feel sorry for myself, then probably eat until I gained another 10 pounds to add on to my disgusting body.
However, I hope the end result from posting this is that I will get some responses from others who have either been in my shoes and can maybe help me out of it, or someone who can just slap me silly and help me get out of my retarded head. Clearly, even though I spent the last week preparing and ensuring that I would be ready for this night, I couldn’t pull the trigger when the spotlight was on. Something is not right. Even as I’m typing this, I can’t BELIEVE that I honestly went that whole night and couldn’t force up the balls to even do the simplest thing to put a foot in the right direction: opening a set. Even if it went nowhere and I prematurely ejaculated, at least I would’ve done that much.
Disgusting, just disgusting. I’m so ashamed of myself it’s infuriating.
Heartbreaking to read this letter, isn’t it?
Here’s an example of what I mean by a belief system overhaul to eradicate social anxiety.
You may also enjoy:
Mark Manson: How Not to Attract Women with Dishonesty
About Erika Awakening
Love,
I'll give you a hint where I would start with this guy:
1) what are the predominant emotions he's experiencing?
2) where is his focus? (I'll give you a hint, it's not on an internal source of validation)
3) what limiting beliefs are implicit in what he says?
That post almost reminds me of myself. I have been in this community for a couple of years on and off. You need to get more comfortable with yourself. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. If you are going to clubs it takes times to get comfortable. I have being going to this one club and the third time I acutally approached some girls. It's no big deal so don't make it out to be one :)
Get a job in sales or where you talk to a lot of people this can help you get comfortable interacting with other people.
wow. that was hard to read. damn. you gotta not beat yourself up that much, it just feeds the cycle. man. harshest critic is himself.
U seem to be strugling with som internal issues. Don't let anyone put you down, including yourself. You need to keep on going all be it on a slightly different path. Not the path of seeking approval but "giving value" from a place where you are happy with your life. My solution is not for you to read a book – just get a wing man and get out there. Once u can laugh at social pressure in any situation its like you have a new pair of glasses on.
In short: less reading, more trying stuff out with a wing man.
hugs -voffvoff
It might take a couple months to lessen the anxiety, but it's definitely possible. You just have to build up confidence through repetitition.
If you're afraid to jump into the deep end, doing smaller approach exercises might help:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/7651901/Brad-P-Approach-Anxiety-and-Social-Freedom