Being Irrepressible … plus Erika takes some lovers?

So today, someone said he thinks I am “dramatic.” To which I say …

Yes, I am the most dramatic person EVER.
(credit Brad P.)

If by DRAMATIC, you mean alive … vibrant … surfing the ocean of emotions … expressive … and irrepressible … then yes, I am dramatic.
(credit Jlaix)

I wouldn’t trade my irrepressibility for the world.


So I was out with Hristiyan last night. For those who are not familiar, he is a dating coach of sorts who used to be with Pickup 101 and whose specialty is inner transformation. Very soon after sitting down, I felt our energies move into that beautiful, deep field of Presence. Where you feel a glow inside and everything seems to be kinda moving in slow motion. I used to be in that space a lot. It made me realize how I haven’t been in that space very much lately.

And Hristiyan asked me … he asked,

What part of you is unavailable that you would date men who are unavailable? why would you take a lover in Boston when you can take a lover here?

Mmmm… provocative.

Now this dovetails with another recent conversation. I’ve been heading in the direction of marriage and children, and a friend of mine (who also happens to be a beloved dating coach) said to me:

If you’re going to bind yourself to sex with one man for the rest of your life you’d better check out sex with him beforehand, and if you don’t feel the potential there, you’d better have some fun beforehand with other men so you can settle down without “settling.” Just get your priorities straight and you’ll make the right decision. Being married is very, very cool. All of a sudden you feel free and supported to be your best self. A man who adores you and wants you to be as powerful and amazing as you can be is at the very, very top of the list. … Go for a man who is SO on your team he’s pretty much team leader for “Team -Make Erika the greatest, happiest woman in the world.”

The words she said kept echoing today: “You’d better have some fun beforehand.”

Lol :-)

And suddenly I realized … that perhaps the way to integrate all of this … is to take several lovers … right here, right now. Maybe I don’t need to have sex with them. Maybe it could be “almost sex.”

I’ve been really intrigued about exploring tantra, and now I learn that some of my favorite guys are interested in exploring it also. Maybe I can find the white light again, like in January.

Anyway, for a little bit there, I couldn’t breathe, I felt so much like I have to make a decision RIGHT NOW. And then when I started imagining this new scenario … space opened up … I felt so much lighter … it just got me thinking … and day-dreaming ;-)

This could be fun … and maybe not so scary after all …

(Visited 5 time, 1 visit today)


  1. Scarface says:

    I would like to add my experience with the 2 kinds of “oneness” I have been experiencing.
    The first one when exploring/being in intemacy with someone, which I have experienced often. And lately the kind of “Oneness” that is just there as a undertanding (without offert needed), and not dependant on anyone or outside “wordly” thing.
    The first one I now see was (and only can be) a

  2. Anonymous says:


    Move confidently in the direction of your dreams… You seem like a woman deeply interested in both sex and love and openness and unity…

    The man who you marry will love you in your fullness, in your all that you are… keep lifting up your spirit and you will be amazed at the wonders that lovemaking can bring with someone who is truly free… the pain we women

  3. SMoKeLioN says:

    “I will cover your travel expense.”


  4. Hristiyan, cool invitation :-)

    which dates is it?

  5. Hristiyan Atanasov says:

    Wow Erik thank you for letting my words have an impact on you.

    How about you come with me down to LA for my workshop next weekend? I will cover your travel expense.

    Terrance keeps telling me that you will be a great addition to it

    What you think

  6. Actually, Anonymous 3:40 pm, not really.

    I’m still not going to have sex. I tend to get too attached, and it takes me way too long to get over someone when I have sex. I’m talking about exploring lesser forms of physical intimacy through the spiritual practice of tantra.

    But thanks for jumping to unfounded conclusions and judgments.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Wow, Erika flip-flops and changes her mind again. What a shocker.

  8. Anonymous says:

    “This could be fun … and maybe not so scary after all …”

    A premarital relationship that might be sexual? Fun? Not scary?

    NO WAY ERIKA! What a revelation! Can you sell me an ebook with more of these incredible epiphanies?

  9. For the record, Hristiyan’s blog is

    He’s not really the average dating coach, if there is such a thing. He’s changed my life, more than once, and I consider him a close personal friend.

    Damn accent though. :-)


  10. Benedict,

    You reminded me of something. I won’t name any names, but on one of my recent seduction community trips, I met a female porn star who is in a deeply committed open relationship with her partner (we’ll call him X).

    I was very impressed when she said this:

    “For my job, I have had sex with so many men. Maybe even thousands of men. If any guy would judge

  11. hi Benedict,

    Thanks for commenting.

    Yeah, well, someday we gotta get past this cultural baggage. My version of “having fun” with a bunch of guys is probably tame enough not to trigger these alarm bells anyway, but … the reality is I can’t imagine marrying a man who hasn’t moved past these sort of judgments.

  12. Benedict Smith says:

    enter the difficulty most men have: subconsciously knowing their “wife” was out “having fun” with a bunch of guys before “settling” down.

  13. Who knew there’d be so many local guys willing to partake in my little “experiment”? And the Bay Area is a tantra mecca. Hooray! :-)

  14. BenPaul says:

    Spring is in the air…

  15. hey Rup,

    Thanks for the comment. It’s cool to hear a guy’s perspective on this.

    Yeah, I would envision it as running both ways: “Make both of us the greatest, happiest people in the world” and spread a lot of love and happiness far and wide, too.

  16. Wow…I really liked this line of advice your friend mentioned:
    ‘Go for a man who is SO on your team he’s pretty much team leader for “Team – Make Erika the greatest, happiest woman in the world.”’

    Very cool…and I’m a guy…
    I think this runs both ways and its sums up that ideal us ‘non-broken’ souls are looking for…I really thought about that line over and over after I

  17. Lol, SMoKeLioN :-)

    It all sounds so simple when Hristiyan says it, with his mischievous eyes and cute accent:

    “Why don’t you take a lover here?”

  18. SMoKeLioN says:

    Well its good that youre taking to heart what Ive been saying all along, even though the person telling you it was dating coach guy

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