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Why Monogamy Sucks, Part 3

You can read Part 1 about Monogamy and Part 2 about Monogamy of this series by clicking on these links here.

Yes, I know this is a confronting series of articles, and very intentionally so. I’ve been an ardent student and teacher of A Course in Miracles for almost four years now, and even I for a long time resisted the part about letting go of the “special” relationship. The Course actually predicts this, as it predicts many things that have already happened to me. It is, after all, a prophecy of the salvation of the world.

This is what the Course predicts about the difficulty of letting go of the “special” relationship:

You who have tried so hard, and are still trying, to fit the better picture into the wrong frame and so combine what cannot be combined, accept this and be glad: These pictures are each framed perfectly for what they represent. One is framed to be out of focus and not seen. The other is framed for perfect clarity. The picture of darkness and of death grows less convincing as you search it out amid its wrappings. As each senseless stone that seems to shine from the frame in darkness is exposed to light, it becomes dull and lifeless, and ceases to distract you from the picture. And finally you look upon the picture itself, seeing at last that, unprotected by the frame, it has no meaning.

The other picture is lightly framed, for time cannot contain eternity. There is no distraction here. The picture of Heaven and eternity grows more convincing as you look at it. And now, by real comparison, a transformation of both pictures can at last occur. And each is given its rightful place when both are seen in relation to each other. The dark picture, brought to light, is not perceived as fearful, but the fact that it is just a picture is brought home at last. And what you see there you will recognize as what it is; a picture of what you thought was real, and nothing more. For beyond this picture you will see nothing.

As I read through the Part 2 about Monogamy, I see a lot of people struggling to fit the “special” relationship into the new frame. It’s not going to work. Sorry, folks, monogamy cannot be squared with the Course. Period.

So after much soul-searching about this and exploration of this topic, I’m now ready to let go of the “special” relationship, and all of its egoic trappings. Not because it is being taken away from me. Because I don’t want it. Nobody does. The “special” relationship damns you to guilt, hell, and death. It damns you to a world where you never get what you really want. Is that what you want?

Let’s examine this more closely …

Let’s notice what happens when you allow yourself to get involved in a “special” relationship. Especially when you make promises of exclusivity to another person.

The first problem is obvious. You have promised to be exclusive, and “temptation” arises in the form of another person with whom you want to connect. Depending who you are, your solution may be to “go behind the back” of your partner (and please don’t underestimate how common this is) and “cheat.” … ooooooh, guess what?

You’ve now got GUILT. You cannot break your word and not experience guilt.

But there’s an equally guilt-ridden outcome that most “moral” people don’t understand is just as destructive as “cheating.” And that is what happens when you don’t “cheat.”

You have committed yourself to a monogamous relationship, and next thing you know, you are telling other people that you “can’t” connect with them in various ways because of the promises you’ve made to your “significant” other (a label which implies that other people are “less significant” than your “significant” other) … oooooh, guess what?

You’ve now got GUILT. Despite what you may think, and what the ego would like you to believe, the guilt here is just as destructive as the guilt you will experience by cheating. You cannot choose among your brothers and sisters in this fashion and not experience guilt. You cannot put one person above everyone else and not experience guilt.

And guilt, my friends, is the great saboteur. It will bite you in the ass every time. In fact, if you don’t wake up, it will lead you straight to sickness, suffering, and death.

It doesn’t matter what form the guilt takes. Any form of choosing among one’s brothers and sisters will do the trick. Thus, the same goes for women who say “I have a boyfriend” when they don’t, so they can avoid connecting with a guy they believe is “beneath” them. If you believe anyone is beneath you, or above you, or above others, you are asking for pain.

“Under the Holy Spirit’s teaching all relationships are seen as total commitments, yet they do not conflict with one another in any way.” - A Course in Miracles

Really breathe that quotation in, and notice what a breath of fresh air it really is … I am no longer choosing among my brothers and sisters …

If you are not totally committed to every person whose life touches yours (and, by definition, you cannot be totally committed to everyone if you have made ego-based promises of exclusivity), you will experience guilt and all of the unfortunate outcomes that go along with guilt. You DO NOT WANT THESE OUTCOMES.

So it is time to open up our relationships. It is time to share our relationships fully. Don’t kid yourself. Don’t pretend you are sharing the relationship fully with the world if you are keeping certain areas “exclusive.” Everything must become non-exclusive and shared. Starting right now.

“Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. This is a feast that honors your holy relationship, and at which everyone is welcomed as an honored guest. And in a holy instant grace is said by everyone together, as they join in gentleness before the table of communion. And I will join you there, as long ago I promised and promise still. For in your new relationship am I made welcome. And where I am made welcome, there I am.”

- A Course in Miracles

Don’t kid yourself. The phrase “at which everyone is welcomed as an honored guest” means you share EVERYTHING. You don’t leave the feast and go back to your SEPARATE bedroom to have sex with your exclusive lover, unless you want to exile yourself from Oneness.

And I assure you, you don’t want to exile yourself from Oneness, because you are damning yourself to hell by doing so. Make your own choices, but when the inevitable suffering bites you in the ass, don’t tell me I didn’t tell you so ….

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. fun-da-mental says:

    Erika said: “…Let’s notice what happens when you allow yourself to get involved in a “special” relationship. Especially when you make promises of exclusivity to another person….”

    When a ‘relationship 1 to 1′ happens, there is no problem at all. Let it just appear, and disappear naturally.

    Then, the ‘ego-demon’ appears in the form of a though in mind: “What if this person leaves me? I will be lonely and miserable again.”

    And instead of just FEELING this fear, the ego wants to ensure itself, by making a CONTRACT!
    - “I promise you my exclusivity! (And you have to do the same to me..!!!)
    - “Let’s marry!” (Let’s make a contract which insures that we stay together forever, so that I will never have to feel lonely again..!!)

    The cause of all this chaos and misery is as always:
    Fear of death!
    The ego does whatever it deems helpful for is survival… and of course it is a hopeless case…

    So what is this ego which is afraid of death…?

  2. Tegan says:

    Erika you’re awesome.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    The concept “special hate relationship” is intriguing.
    I think that to reverse that would be a fast track to
    non-suffering. However you do that, as there are many
    ways to do it.

    Yes!

    Elizabeth

  4. Elizabeth says:

    Erika’s arguments are like a moving target! The point keeps changing! But that’s OK, I enjoy people who can baffle me.
    The less you know, the better off you are to act from the space between fear and desire.

    :-)

    Elizabeth

  5. Brian says:

    Ok. Ok.
    You win.
    You can now rest your case. lol.

  6. Erika Awakening says:

    You are not special, dear one. You are exactly like everybody else. And if you hate anyone, you hate yourself. Period. Sorry, “I” didn’t write the rules. We did, before we incarnated here.

  7. Erika Awakening says:

    How many times must I say this, dear one? You can only perceive “condescension” if you believe it is possible for one person to be above another. I don’t. I definitely believe one person can teach another, as Christ teaches me. But we are not separate, so even if I’m teaching you, I’m really just teaching myself.

    And how many times must I say … I did not “advocate” polyamory in this article … if you are polyamorous and believe that any of your partners are “special,” the ego has you by the throat just the same as in monogamy. Monogamy by definition is ego because you cannot choose one partner over everybody else without making that person “special.”

  8. Brian says:

    I’m quoting you Erika. You write: “Differences are of the ego. Comparisons are of the ego.”

    But aren’t you being egotistical by making claiming monogamy is death vs. polyamory which is the way to salvation?

  9. Elizabeth says:

    To regain your sanity, you must see the truth. “There is no spoon.” Then you will see, it is only your mind that bends.

    I agree with this.

    and Neo and Trinity only had eyes for each other.

    OK, Erika, dear one, it is an absolutely beautiful evening outdoors
    here, i will go enjoy it,
    again, thank you for the chat,
    and continued success to you, love your pics

    :-)

    Elizabeth

    • Erika Awakening says:

      And Trinity died (not a coincidence) … which is why the title was “monogamy = death” … we are going to evolve beyond that, love.

      Enjoy your evening.

  10. Elizabeth says:

    What?

    I capitalized the word behavior for a reason. It’s not about hating or condemning a person.

    I am not crazy enough to believe that I am in control of every thing
    or that my belief systems create everything that happens to me.
    That is simply not the case. It’s like saying that our behaviors of the past 100 years are fully responsible for global warming.

    Just as no one can say where creative inspiration or the force of life originates, we also can not say where thoughts actually come from?

    I do believe however, that what you resist, persists.

    so, I don’t have to DO anything to get rid of any thing.

    All I need to do is ask to see and understand, and it will be shown.

    Anyway, I was not defending either monogamy or polyamory.

    I agree with Rumi, that there is a field out beyond
    wrong doing and right doing and let’s meet there.

    You are defending polyamory.

    :-)

    Elizabeth

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Dear one, I never used the word “polyamory,” very intentionally so …

      The ego is crazy enough to believe that you are not in control of every thing that comes to you … that is why your world appears to be insane.

      To regain your sanity, you must see the truth. “There is no spoon.” Then you will see, it is only your mind that bends.

      And in that realization is all your power restored.

      Read it again:

      “The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself. No matter what the form of the attack, this still is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that you were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.

      “This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, whatever form it takes. The Holy Spirit will repeat this one inclusive lesson of deliverance until it has been learned, regardless of the form of suffering that brings you pain. Whatever hurt you bring to Him He will make answer with this very simple truth. For this one answer takes away the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the single cause of all of them, no matter what their form. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, “I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo.”

      “Bring, then, all forms of suffering to Him Who knows that every one is like the rest. He sees no differences where none exists, and He will teach you how each one is caused. None has a different cause from all the rest, and all of them are easily undone by but a single lesson truly learned. Salvation is a secret you have kept but from yourself. The universe proclaims it so. Yet to its witnesses you pay no heed at all. For they attest the thing you do not want to know. They seem to keep it secret from you. Yet you need but learn you chose but not to listen, not to see.

      “How differently will you perceive the world when this is recognized! When you forgive the world your guilt, you will be free of it. Its innocence does not demand your guilt, nor does your guiltlessness rest on its sins. This is the obvious; a secret kept from no one but yourself. And it is this that has maintained you separate from the world, and kept your brother separate from you. Now need you but to learn that both of you are innocent or guilty. The one thing that is impossible is that you be unlike each other; that they both be true. This is the only secret yet to learn. And it will be no secret you are healed.”

      - A Course in Miracles

  11. Elizabeth says:

    “When you choose among your brothers, seeing more “honesty, integrity, and generosity” in some and less in others, you are living in ego consciousness. And you will suffer because things will appear to be “done” to you.”

    So let me ask you a question. If you are looking for a roommate that you can trust and get along with, and will not have to be inconvenienced by, and you have a choice between someone who has a track record of lying, stealing, cheating BEHAVIOR and one who has the opposite track record, who would you be more likely to choose?

    This is exclusive of any judging or condemning or victim mentality. This is just practical facts.

    Elizabeth

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Right, and it is this same ego consciousness that leads you to defend monogamy … same exact beliefs underlying the two things. Now we are getting somewhere, because we can look at the HATRED underneath both of them.

      Dear one, I don’t attract any “lying, stealing, cheating” people anymore. Why? Because I went deep into my own Shadow Self and found the unhealed parts of myself and healed them.

      YOU are creating it … and when you “make believe” to yourself that some people are good and others are bad, you perpetuate the illusions of hatred and fear.

      When you realize that it’s your mind creating all of it, the only place to look for correction is to yourself, dear. “Only the self-accused condemn.”

      “You never hate your brother for his sins, but only for your own.”

  12. Brian says:

    no.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Suit yourself, Brian. There’s no running from the truth. You either face it directly, or it bites you in the ass ;)

  13. Brian says:

    “Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.”

    Ok. It’s my dream. And in my dream if someone attacks me viciously, I won’t turn the other cheek. I’m more likely to go with the “eye for an eye” philosophy.

    This has gotten to biblical for me.
    Peace.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      May I suggest, dear, that you get present with the uncomfortable feelings instead of succumbing to the temptation to disconnect? Because that is how you will reconnect to your power …

  14. Brian says:

    Sure. Everyone is “special” and has the God force in them. I see that in ALL people. However, there are some people I choose to hang around with more so than others, simply because they have more of the characteristics I value, such as honesty, integrity and generosity.

    Yes, everyone has the potential to cultivate these characteristics, but not all people are willing. Most prefer to hold onto their ego personalities, Erika.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Dear one, when you place the blame on someone else, you give your power away …

      All people are willing. All people are willing. You can heal the whole world just by healing your mind.

      When you choose among your brothers, seeing more “honesty, integrity, and generosity” in some and less in others, you are living in ego consciousness. And you will suffer because things will appear to be “done” to you.

      When in fact, you are creating all of it with your mind.

      “The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself. No matter what the form of the attack, this still is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that you were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.

      “This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, whatever form it takes. The Holy Spirit will repeat this one inclusive lesson of deliverance until it has been learned, regardless of the form of suffering that brings you pain. Whatever hurt you bring to Him He will make answer with this very simple truth. For this one answer takes away the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the single cause of all of them, no matter what their form. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, “I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo.”

      “Bring, then, all forms of suffering to Him Who knows that every one is like the rest. He sees no differences where none exists, and He will teach you how each one is caused. None has a different cause from all the rest, and all of them are easily undone by but a single lesson truly learned. Salvation is a secret you have kept but from yourself. The universe proclaims it so. Yet to its witnesses you pay no heed at all. For they attest the thing you do not want to know. They seem to keep it secret from you. Yet you need but learn you chose but not to listen, not to see.

      “How differently will you perceive the world when this is recognized! When you forgive the world your guilt, you will be free of it. Its innocence does not demand your guilt, nor does your guiltlessness rest on its sins. This is the obvious; a secret kept from no one but yourself. And it is this that has maintained you separate from the world, and kept your brother separate from you. Now need you but to learn that both of you are innocent or guilty. The one thing that is impossible is that you be unlike each other; that they both be true. This is the only secret yet to learn. And it will be no secret you are healed.”

      - A Course in Miracles

  15. Brian says:

    “Specialness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another”
    I disagree. Specialness is established by seeing the abundance and beauty in another.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      If you see it in everyone, dear, which is what you MUST see, it is not special.

      If you see it only in a few people, you hate them and you hate yourself.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        “Specialness is the seal of treachery upon the gift of love. Whatever serves its purpose must be given to kill. No gift that bears its seal but offers treachery to giver and receiver. Not one glance from eyes it veils but looks on sight of death. Not one believer in its potency but seeks for bargains and for compromise that would establish sin love’s substitute, and serve it faithfully. And no relationship that holds its purpose dear but clings to murder as safety’s weapon, and the great defender of all illusions from the “threat” of love.

        “The hope of specialness makes it seem possible God made the body as the prison house that keeps His Son from Him. For it demands a special place God cannot enter, and a hiding place where none is welcome but your tiny self. Nothing is sacred here but unto you, and you alone, apart and separate from all your brothers; safe from all intrusions of sanity upon illusions; safe from God and safe for conflict everlasting. Here are the gates of hell you closed upon yourself, to rule in madness and in loneliness your special kingdom, apart from God, away from truth and from salvation.”

        - A Course in Miracles

  16. Erika Awakening says:

    @Brian

    “Comparison must be an ego device, for love makes none. Specialness always makes comparisons. It is established by a lack seen in another, and maintained by searching for, and keeping clear in sight, all lacks it can perceive. This does it seek, and this it looks upon. And always whom it thus diminishes would be your savior, had you not chosen to make of him a tiny measure of your specialness instead. Against the littleness you see in him you stand as tall and stately, clean and honest, pure and unsullied, by comparison with what you see. Nor do you understand it is yourself that you diminish thus.”

    - A Course in Miracles

  17. Brian says:

    “Differences are of the ego. Comparisons are of the ego.”

    Says who?

  18. Erika Awakening says:

    Jimmy,

    There is no point to answering your question, and here is why:

    “Attempt to solve no problems but within the holy instant’s surety. For there the problem will be answered and resolved. Outside there will be no solution, for there is no answer there that could be found. Nowhere outside a single, simple question is ever asked. The world can only ask a double question. One with many answers can have no answers. None of them will do. It does not ask a question to be answered, but only to restate its point of view.

    “All questions asked within this world are but a way of looking, not a question asked. A question asked in hate cannot be answered, because it is an answer in itself. A double question asks and answers, both attesting the same thing in different form. The world asks but one question. It is this: “Of these illusions, which of them is true? Which ones establish peace and offer joy? And which can bring escape from all the pain of which this world is made?” Whatever form the question takes, its purpose is the same. It asks but to establish sin is real, and answers in the form of preference. “Which sin do you prefer? That is the one that you should choose. The others are not true. What can the body get that you would want the most of all? It is your servant and also your friend. But tell it what you want, and it will serve you lovingly and well.” And this is not a question, for it tells you what you want and where to go for it. It leaves no room to question its beliefs, except that what it states takes question’s form.

    “A pseudo-question has no answer. It dictates the answer even as it asks. Thus is all questioning within the world a form of propaganda for itself. Just as the body’s witnesses are but the senses from within itself, so are the answers to the questions of the world contained within the questions that are asked. Where answers represent the questions, they add nothing new and nothing has been learned. An honest question is a learning tool that asks for something that you do not know. It does not set conditions for response, but merely asks what the response should be. But no one in a conflict state is free to ask this question, for he does not want an honest answer where the conflict ends.

    “Only within the holy instant can an honest question honestly be asked. And from the meaning of the question does the meaningfulness of the answer come. Here is it possible to separate your wishes from the answer, so it can be given you and also be received. The answer is provided everywhere. Yet it is only here it can be heard. An honest answer asks no sacrifice because it answers questions truly asked. The questions of the world but ask of whom is sacrifice demanded, asking not if sacrifice is meaningful at all. And so, unless the answer tells “of whom,” it will remain unrecognized, unheard, and thus the question is preserved intact because it gave the answer to itself. The holy instant is the interval in which the mind is still enough to hear an answer that is not entailed within the question asked. It offers something new and different from the question. How could it be answered if it but repeats itself?

    “Therefore, attempt to solve no problems in a world from which the answer has been barred. But bring the problem to the only place that holds the answer lovingly for you. Here are the answers that will solve your problems because they stand apart from them, and see what can be answered; what the question is. Within the world the answers merely raise another question, though they leave the first unanswered. In the holy instant, you can bring the question to the answer, and receive the answer that was made for you.”

    - A Course in Miracles

  19. Erika Awakening says:

    Brian,

    Differences are of the ego. Comparisons are of the ego. Through God’s eyes, everyone is the same.

  20. JIm says:

    So Erika, how many unattractive/random men have you slept with recently with this newly found wisdom? Do you feel obligated to sleep with every Dick, John and Harry now? Just curious.

  21. Brian says:

    I agree, that one can feel equal compassion for all of “God’s children”. However, people come in all different flavors.
    It’s kind of like you have this box of assorted chocolates. You know all chocolate tastes good, but some are just decadent and you want more of them than other kinds…

  22. Brian says:

    “Sex is not necessary for happiness, but if one is going to have it (which to me remains an open question), it must be shared or it will lead to pain.”

    So then bringing another woman home for your partner to enjoy sexually, emotionally and spiritually is something you should be happy and willing to do…right?

    That is of course unless you expect your partner to be a monk.

  23. Erika Awakening says:

    Increasingly, yes, I do … very noticeably lately … fully equal attraction, not yet, but compassion for everyone, yes. And seeing the potentially in everyone to be equally attractive, also yes.

  24. Brian says:

    You are talking about a community, where connections with others are all shared and equal. Osho spoke of this.
    But do you truly feel equally, deeply attracted and connected to everyone?
    I don’t.

  25. Erika Awakening says:

    And, btw, sex has no purpose, from my perspective, unless there is a way to bring it into service of healing. I have yet to see this done consistently, but that would be my intention here, and I remain open to the possibilities. I have been almost completely celibate for the past few years. Sex is not necessary for happiness, but if one is going to have it (which to me remains an open question), it must be shared or it will lead to pain.

  26. Erika Awakening says:

    Brian,

    ACIM teaches that questions asked in “this world” contain the answer … so they are not real questions. I see your question as an example of this …

    The new vision that I’m describing is inconceivable from the ego’s perspective. The ego thinks there is “competition” between people for relationships, and that I need to “preserve” my relationship from outside threat.

    What I envision is creating a community where everything is shared, a community focused on teaching, and where God sends people to us to learn from us and be trained as teachers.

    There is no purpose to connection at all if its main focus is sex or other egoic goals.

    I envision the community being the same way my coaching practice currently is. I can serve many people simultaneously, and I don’t “force” things according to the ego’s plan. I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, and I trust that the people I’m meant to connect with will come to me. Likewise, as a partnership and a community focused on sharing everything, I imagine it would be the same way.

    Does that help?

    - Erika

  27. Brian says:

    A question for you. If you met a nice looking and friendly girl who you thought would be a great match for your boyfriend. Would you go out of your way to introduce them so that he can have a chance to be happy with her? Or would you try and “preserve” the connection you have with him by not mentioning anything?

  28. Erika Awakening says:

    As the Course says:

    “Nothing you seek to strengthen in the special relationship is really part of you. And you cannot keep part of the thought system that taught you it was real, and understand the Thought that knows what you are. You have allowed the Thought of your reality to enter your mind, and because you invited it, it will abide with you. Your love for it will not allow you to betray yourself, and you could not enter into a relationship where it could not go with you, for you would not want to be apart from it.

    “Be glad you have escaped the mockery of salvation the ego offered you, and look not back with longing on the travesty it made of your relationships. Now no one need suffer, for you have come too far to yield to the illusion of the beauty and holiness of guilt. Only the wholly insane could look on death and suffering, sickness and despair, and see it thus. What guilt has wrought is ugly, fearful and very dangerous. See no illusion of truth and beauty there. And be you thankful that there is a place where truth and beauty wait for you. Go on to meet them gladly, and learn how much awaits you for the simple willingness to give up nothing because it is nothing.”

  29. Dave S Perkins says:

    my view differs in that I fully believe in a total spiritual oneness – everyone is always connected (aware or otherwise) , if none of this physical reality is real then yes you can feel and be physically free (mentally or otherwise) with anyone – but I believe the oneness of god, soul, the force, holy grams (however people wish to describe it) overides any physical unreal obligations that you seem to be preaching to people, you are in effect saying potentially with ego – this unreality will die unless you are physical – In effect you are giving priority to this physical reality, rather than a pure absolutely unimaginabley unlimited – oneness of god, spirit, the force, holy grams etc etc. ;) xx

    • Erika Awakening says:

      @Dave … No. As I explained in the comments on the last thread, the body follows the mind. There is no way to seek for or manifest separation (which is what monogamy and exclusivity are) unless the mind is separated. And a separated mind is a sick and unhealed mind that will bring pain to the person living within it. It is self-deception to think that you can live a separated life in this body while having a healed mind. A healed mind does not want separation and will organically move away from it in every form it takes.

      @Wows, the practice of “serial” monogamy is one of the ego’s favorite tools for perpetuating a system of separation. I date someone for a while, notice that I feel a creeping dissatisfaction, and instead of realizing that it’s the entire system of separate relationships that is the problem, I delude myself into thinking that this person just isn’t “the one,” and I move on to the next person. The Course is very clear about this being all ego and will never lead to happiness:

      “For an unholy relationship is based on differences, where each one thinks the other has what he has not. They come together, each to complete himself and rob the other. They stay until they think that there is nothing left to steal, and then move on. And so they wander through a world of strangers, unlike themselves, living with their bodies perhaps under a common roof that shelters neither; in the same room and yet a world apart.” – A Course in Miracles

  30. Erika Awakening says:

    I get that it’s not easy to accept, but if you would pick and choose among your brothers, and feel attracted to some and disgusted by others, such that you want to have sex with one or a few and don’t want to have sex with some … you are judging against them and therefore against yourself … and the world is not forgiven until you are attracted to all of them equally.

    This vision is incomprehensible to the ego, dear.

  31. Erika Awakening says:

    I’m not talking about doing this with an old crappy belief system, dear. I’m talking about opening up our relationships and releasing the limiting beliefs and guilt and shame and fear as we do so … it’s a very holistic vision.

  32. Angela says:

    I don’t want to have sex with anyone and everyone – I easily could, but I don’t *want* to.

  33. Wows says:

    This really is a refreshing view, I’ll think about it. But at the moment I do think that when you’re in an exclusive relationship you don’t need anyone else for sex and intimacy, if you do, you have to, indeed, look for someone else…

    Anyway, this belief could change any day, I’ll think about your point of view, and probably thiink back to it in the future ;)

    Have a nice day!
    Wows

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