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Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation

Everyone Knows that Monogamy Is Wrong: Now What Are We Going to Do About It?

10 Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves Many of the historical images in this post were borrowed from the Wikipedia commons at http://wikipedia.comRecently I have been sharing my view that monogamy and racial segregation are the same thing. Some people think this is hyperbole, that I’m overstating the case. Many people have responded with fear or knee-jerk reactions. Many people, to their credit, are at least willing to consider the possibility that there could be something to this. And frankly I haven’t done a good enough job of explaining why monogamy and racial segregation are the same thing.

Before we get into today’s article, I want to express my gratitude for the many people who commented on our last monogamy article, Five Reasons Why Monogamy Is An Absolute Bar to World Peace. We have had over 200 comments so far, and dozens of different views and experiences expressed. Whether you agree or disagree with me, I still appreciate your comment. I am a firm believer that if we will all stay connected during the heat of our biggest conflicts, we will come out on the other side as friends and with a new consensus about what kind of world we want to create together.

Okay now, let’s not try to sugarcoat this and get right into it … Everyone knows that monogamy is wrong. Monogamy is the ultimate form of bigotry. Monogamy is based on hate and fear and is one of the ugliest practices on the planet today. Not only are we excluding an entire race or culture from our intimacy … we are excluding the entire planet except our “special snowflake” partner (read why specialness ruined sex for everyone here). And almost none of us are being honest about WHY we insist on excluding everyone …

Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation

Now wait … For some people, this article will be VERY challenging to our belief systems. So before you have a knee-jerk emotional reaction that will almost surely be the wrong reaction … If there is any temptation to blast ahead to the comments section and tell me all the reasons why what I am writing here is OUTRAGEOUS and horribly misguided … Please be aware that all the arguments you are making have already been made. They were made during the Holocaust to justify first segregating and then killing the Jews. They are made today to justify killing animals for meat and leather, even though it’s clearly murder. And these same arguments were all made during the times of racial segregation in the United States.

How is it any different to hang a sign on a water fountain that says “whites only” … than it is to hang an invisible sign on your “special snowflake” partner that says “John only” or “Julie only – all others excluded”? It’s not different. It’s exactly the same. It’s bigotry.

And people try to make the same different for one reason only: making baloney and excuses and pretending the Emperor has clothes seems easier than actually facing our fears and hate honestly and doing the disciplined inner work that is required to remove that fear and hate … so that we can finally love the way God loves us … loving and including all of our brothers and sisters equally IN EVERYTHING.

We Need to Stop Making Excuses And Face Our Fear Together

The arguments made to justify monogamy are EXACTLY THE SAME ARGUMENTS used throughout history to justify segregation, apartheid, hate, harassment, lynching, murder, and even genocide. Yes, it’s time to get present with that super-charged emotional reaction and be honest for once. The arguments for why you can’t possibly SHARE your “special snowflake” partner are EXACTLY THE SAME ARGUMENTS.

When I was a student at Harvard Law School, I was fascinated by studying the Civil Rights movement in the United States. What I was most fascinated by was their courage. They KNEW racial segregation was wrong. The truth is, EVERYONE knew it was wrong. The Emperor had no clothes and secretly EVERYONE knew. But what is absolutely fascinating about that era of history is that almost nobody was willing to admit it. I was inspired and intrigued by the courage it required for this group of rather humble people to stand up to an entire society and hold their ground until the laws and the customs finally gave way to truth. In my own small way, I’ve been emulating them ever since. We think we understand courage in this day and age. We don’t have a clue. Yes, by writing this article, I may attract a few more internet trolls or haters who leave nasty comments here.

This kind of hate and stigma like nasty comments and blacklisting that I have experienced have at times felt painful … yet is nothing really compared to what people like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rosa Parks went through in service of helping the world let go of one of the ugliest forms of hate we have ever seen: racial segregation. Those who participated in the American Civil Rights Movement and helped bring some modicum of racial justice to this country risked their lives and were subjected to all kinds of punishment, humiliation, and threats for one reason and one reason only: They stood up to fear and hate. They stood up to disgraceful social conventions and laws that most people accepted as “just the way it is,” and they said out loud, “The Emperor has no clothes.”

Like me, Rosa Parks was tiny AND she was speaking the truth. She was hated. Does it make any sense? No. Fear and hate lead us to do things that make no logical sense, and then defend ourselves with “rationales” that could not hold even one drop of water.

So Before You Go Having A Knee-Jerk Emotional Reaction to This Article, Remember That Is Exactly What the Defenders of Racial Segregation Did

monogamy racism segregation

Sometimes if we have been living with a practice our whole life, it seems “normal” even though it’s not. I would count eating meat and fish as one of these practices, but we will save that topic for another day (you can read the beginning of my views on vegetarianism here).

Bear with me for a moment while I say it out loud: In the same way that the participants in the Civil Rights movement KNEW that racial segregation was wrong, that is what I KNOW about monogamy. The truth is that ALL of us – every single one of us – know in our hearts that monogamy is a form of fear and hatred that separates us from others. I have been searching for the right words to express what I have known in my heart for a LONG time now. Forgive me in advance if I don’t always find the right words. The truth in my heart could not be more clear.

So now let’s delve into some of the reasons why monogamy and racial segregation are exactly the same thing:

Monogamy and Racial Segregation Are Both Forms of Separation. Separation is the Cause of Every Problem on This Planet.

Some people may think I’m overstating it to say that monogamy and racism are the same thing. I’m not. They both arise out of the belief that we are ever “safer” or “happier” or “better off” when we separate from others. When the truth is that only by facing all our fears and joining and sharing with others will we ever be truly safe.

All of us, every single one of us, need to be done with the baloney of moral relativism. I have had some commentators on the last post say that we need to accept all views equally. No, we do not. We need to accept all PEOPLE equally. Which means we CANNOT ACCEPT the inherently discriminatory view of monogamy, just as we cannot accept the view of violence, genocide, or racial segregation. Unless anyone thinks we should “accept equally” the views of Hitler and Pol Pot, please be honest that we are not going to accept all views. The reason we are not going to accept all views is that some views, including all separation beliefs, create a world that feels shitty to live in for EVERYONE. We are so numb and conditioned and brainwashed in this culture that we have actually bought into the idea that “absolutism” is “bad” – when in fact honest absolutism is the ONLY thing that will heal this planet.

I do not say it lightly that I see the belief system behind monogamy (the refusal to share, for example) as the core birthplace of all of this world’s problems and suffering. I KNOW – as all of you also know – that we CANNOT keep monogamy and get the world’s problems solved. Because monogamy is based on the idea that “this is mine and you can’t have it. You are excluded.” That is the same idea behind racial segregation and every other form of separation. And separation is what causes disease, death, suffering, hate, and so forth. So there is nothing “relative” about what I’m saying in these articles. It’s a simple matter of honesty. It’s a matter of us having deep enough conversations about this that people realize it’s not that we want to take monogamy away from them. It’s that they do NOT want monogamy. It will never get them what they want in this world.

Special “Love” Kills

As soon as we make love “special,” it becomes possible to justify giving so-called “love” to one person and not another. It becomes possible to give “love” to one race and not another. It becomes possible to give “love” to one species and not another. And the result of that is murder and war. Specialness is how every atrocity on this planet has been justified since the beginning of time. We must all commit to abolishing specialness and loving everyone equally by the fastest means possible.

All of the Reasons Given to Justify Monogamy and Racial Segregation Are Fear-Based

Oh, people will give you a hundred reasons “why” they need to practice monogamy and exclude all others from their relationship. Every single justification given is a fear or limiting belief.

I won’t rehash the “I can’t because of my responsibilities” and “I don’t have enough time” baloney that 10 Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves. We heard lots of the fear- and hate-based rationales on the last article. These arguments are dressed up the same way racial segregation was: “Separate but equal.”

Well, the Supreme Court ultimately agreed with what everyone knew all along – separate is NOT equal. Separate but equal is BALONEY. And that is also true for monogamy. Equal love will never exist in a world where people create “separate” households and pursue “private interests” apart from all of our brothers and sisters.

Take a moment to read carefully the dozens of comments we received in defense of monogamy on that last article. At first it gets dressed up as, “I just want to have this beautiful special intimacy with my special snowflake partner.” But it doesn’t take much poking around before the real reasons come out.

- “I have to be very ‘selective’ about people.”

- “Other people have lower energies.”

- “It’s like rolling around in the dirt like a pig.”

- “You’ll get lots of horrible diseases.”

Anyone who pretends that any of that is anything other than hate and fear – and that it’s ANY different from the arguments made to justify racial segregation – is 10 Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves. The Emperor has no clothes.

Why did the white people not want to sit with the black people? Why did the Nazis exclude the Jews? All these questions require is simple honesty. We all know the answer.

Why did South Africa practice apartheid? And why do people exclude others from their “oh-so-special” relationships? All for the same reason.

Hate and fear. Hate and fear. Hate and fear. The Emperor has no clothes.

Oh and don’t even TRY to pull the wool over my eyes with so-called “science” … Are you aware that “science” has been used throughout history to justify appalling practices like racism and sexism?

“To justify segregation, officials publicized complaints by white women, who were thought to be threatened by black men’s sexuality and disease.” http://www.pbs.org/wnet/jimcrow/stories_events_segregation.html

monogamy segregationIt’s high time we stopped bowing down to science as if it were a god and started finding the power within ourselves. How about instead we have the courage to stop hiding behind science and be willing to talk about VALUES? What kind of world do we really want to live in and what kind of world do we want to create? It takes COURAGE to stand for your values instead of hiding behind some baloney external “authority” like science or religion. I for one would like to see a world of absolute non-violence, freedom, inclusion, and equal love for everyone. And that means a LOT of our current practices will have to change. Who’s with me?

Monogamy and Racial Segregation Both Violate the Principle of Sharing

The message of monogamy to anyone other than the “special snowflake” partner is “This person is MINE AND YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM. YOU are EXCLUDED.” Just as water fountains in the days of segregation said “No colored people allowed.” If you can persuade me that’s not separation, I will be very surprised. Can you imagine parents teaching this to their children? “Johnny, I want you to go to the sandbox and hoard your toys and shout to the other children ‘these toys are MINE and YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH THEM.” Sounds ridiculous if a five-year old child does it – yet we condone it in adults … why?

#thinkforyourself

monogamy segregationNow here’s another thing about monogamy and another way that it is based on fear. Once we’ve decided to separate from the whole world and create our own “private kingdom” that nobody else is allowed to enter, guess what? Now we have to defend it. We could have just invited everyone to the party but instead we barred the door. Now we have to be fearful. Someone might steal “my” partner. Someone might harm “my” children. “My” interests are separate from “your” interests and I have to be very wary all the time lest my private kingdom be “invaded” by the “other.” Specialness has a very high cost folks. And what happens when we unbar the door, systematically let go of all our fear, and let everyone in? Freedom, that’s what happens. Freedom happens.

Isn’t anyone else sick and tired of the melodrama that always goes with “special relationships”? The cheating, the divorces, the abuse of children, the endless hatred I hear about from my customers and clients that occurred in their supposedly “loving” nuclear families. The nuclear family is so messed up it’s hard to believe that ANYONE still defends it.

We Need to Start Thinking About “Our” Instead of “Mine”

Let me share here one of the shifts that has happened for me as I let go of “special relationship” consciousness (monogamy). It used to be if I went out somewhere, I was concerned only about MY stuff, you know my purse, my friend, my my my. I don’t pretend to have shifted completely, yet I have noticed when I go out now, and I see someone else’s purse unattended, I use my energy to safeguard that purse (or someone’s child or pet) the same way I would if it were my own. From my perspective, the perfect safety of all our children is in everyone no longer seeing anything as “mine.” If the whole Universe belongs to me, then I want all of it to be safe. And that is what I’m trying to say on this thread. As long as we view any relationship as “special,” we are not living in the consciousness where our safety is guaranteed.

When I want to feel safe though, I see the whole planet as protecting me. Angels everywhere. And when I really, really feel safe, I could never wish to tie myself down to any one person, place or thing. Because all of it belongs to me. So when I am tempted to tie myself down to any one person, place, or thing … I know I am experiencing fear that I need to address.

So Where Do We Go from Here?

In the last article, our commentator ART raised some awesome questions, which I’ll re-post here –

- What SPECIFICALLY should we do if somebody wants to have sex with us but we don’t find them attractive?

- What CONCRETELY do you recommend if we live in a polyamory relationship with 2 other people and we find that we feel more love for the one partner than to the other?

- How do you INDIVIDUALLY react if you get some proposal for marriage, but you don’t specifically like the man in question?
What if you are offered a threesome? (Which I understand happened on your Costa Rica trip.)

- Do you accept? If not, why not? If not, why not although you claim that monogamy means exclusion and hate?

THESE are the questions we need to be asking ourselves. And instead of taking the easy way out and putting a “Whites Only” sign on our relationship, we all need to make a commitment to clearing out our fear systematically.

In no way am I suggesting that you should go out and have sex with 12 crack addicts this evening. But don’t let that become a cop out where we retreat once again into our little island of monogamous fear. The 12 crack addicts are a mirror for all of us. We cannot escape from them by separating. We must all heal the fear and ugliness inside ourselves so that the world we perceive “out there” will be healed along with us.

And then guess what will happen? When we face our fear and hatred with courage and without avoidance, the world we see will be transformed. And there will eventually be NOBODY we do not love with equal love and gratitude.

Monogamy is cowardice. It is just like racial segregation. A way of staying “comfortable” in our assumptions, our judgments, our hatred, and our fear. And none of us can continue to accept it if we wish to see a healed planet.

Love,

Erika Awakening, Teaching People How to Create Everyday Miracles at TAPsmarter

Erika Awakening is one of the world’s foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and living life on your own terms.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Freethinker says:

    So what if it is? People are going to do what’s best for their genetic self interests as per the mandate of evolution. It is evolutionarily advantageous to say “mine’

  2. Erika Awakening says:

    Hi Michelle, thanks for commenting. I responded on the blog post itself, in the comments section …

    • Amy says:

      This is an interesting article as I have always tried to justify monogamy and “push that idea” with my partner. Through reading your article, even though it seems to radiate a bit of an angry tone (who knows, I may not have read it had it not), I do see truth in it. While I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s like segregation, I do agree it arises from fear… fear of losing something, etc. My issue is, when is being “open” with intimacy just another excuse to put your power outside of yourself (ie multiple sex partners, projecting your own issues, etc.) vs. Actually just loving and appreciating others while being completely at home and balanced in your Self? This is where it seems this position could be taken into a direction that does not serve anyone instead of everyone.

  3. Michelle Province says:

    Polyamory is a degenerate and extreme form of polygamy, in which responsibility, commitment, and human stability are are finally traded away for the fulfillment of animal lust.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      I would say Michelle that it absolutely can be an addiction, that I have seen it used that way … and I remain in the unknown about whether sex plays any role at all in what real love is. It seems entirely possible to me that real love has nothing to do with the body and does not involve sex.

      What I’d say about monogamy is that it may be a failed attempt to cabin the guilt that goes along with treating others as a body. People feel guilt about sex so they attempt to limit it to one person, and that doesn’t work and never will work.

      I don’t have all the answers, but I am definitely open to the possibility that sex simply becomes obsolete here …

      • Adam says:

        I agree with you Michelle. I wouldn’t have about 1 year ago. But that all changed when what I had that can only be called a sort of angel experience shifted my view. It occurred with such conviction in it that I started to investigate it and realized just how warped our beliefs are when we base them on exclusion.

      • Freethinker says:

        Good luck trying to get people to stop having sex…

  4. Michelle Province says:

    psychologytoday.com/blog/love-without-limits/201104/polyamory-and-sex-addiction

  5. Michelle Province says:

    amazon.com/Marriage-Civilization-Monogamy-Made-Human/dp/1621572013#

  6. KISHORE says:

    Hello Erika,

    God does not love me less because I practice monogamy. Regardless of what we do or do not do in this world makes no difference to God who loves everyone equally and the same.
    As for peace, just ask. I don’t need to prepare myself or purify myself for God. He is already here with me and with everyone. When I go within and ask the Holy Spirit for peace, I feel peace. It’s really very simple :)

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Kishore,

      God loves everyone the same, that doesn’t mean we get to stay asleep in dreams of death.

      Monogamy is creating war all over the world so any feeling of peace illusory. It’s called dissociation, being out of touch with feelings. And that is the entire purpose of monogamy to cut yourself off from the whole and pretend …

      Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Smits says:

    Good grief what right does a white woman have to go comparing anything to racial segregation. You have no idea what racial segregation was and is (hint: it still exists, racism didn’t die with the 1960s) like for the people who suffer under it. Using your blatant racism to justify being sad that not everyone wants to fuck around is utterly disgusting.

    • Thanks for stopping by, Smits. Yes, we should all pretend that there is any difference between our various forms of separation. God forbid we should compare racism or Nazism to eating animal flesh, for example – and yet they are exactly the same – the belief that “some people/animals” are better or more sacred than “other people/animals.” At this point however, I would say the answer is actually celibacy for everyone. Chaste polyamory is the path of love. Because then we are no longer exploiting the bodies of our brothers and sisters. Which I agree is disgusting. I’m sure you will also love this article:

      http://erikaawakening.com/beginners-guide

  8. Kat Kat says:

    Erika, I'm with you on this ;) do what you will and whom you will as long as she/he wills it. your body is yours only, and you can give love to whom you want.

  9. Eve says:

    Hi Erica,

    I see my reaction is a bit late, but I trust you will read it anyway. I have mixed feelings about your story, but most of all I think you still did not do a very good job – as a writer – conveying the danger you perceive in monogamy. No offense, I’m just giving you some feedback here (as I’m used to receiving often myself, and though it stings sometimes I always learn). Your premise of ‘monogamy being the same as racial segregation’ is – to put it mildly – not very well argued, at least for the sake of convincing your audience. You are telling a lot, but showing little to nothing. Though I personally can sense your point that monogamy is the same as racial segregation on some level, i.e. in the sense that it is also is a dominant mental construct which is about exclusion, you never give any clear or convincing examples on how this actually works. That would be helpful if you are serious about getting others to really think about monogamy. Instead, you overwhelm the few occasions in which you try to point this out with loads of repeated oneliners (the emperor’s clothes, hate and fear, it is just baloney, etc.) in which you just ‘tell’ people: monogamy is bad, because .. I say so. Really, if you actually would raise a strong point in your story, it would hardly be necessary to write it down that many times in CAPITAL LETTERS. Less is more.

    Furthermore, you show zero true empathy for the people you’d like to ‘awaken’ to the dangers of monogamy. On the one hand you seem to be convinced that they are driven by fear, but yet you don’t reach out to them to help them overcome it. You could do that for instance by telling them about how you were once equally fearful to let go of the knowns in your life, and how you were driven to overcome them. Tell it like you (hopefully) would to a close friend, with compassion and respect for their state of awareness. If you know the readers you’d like to impact are afraid of what you’re saying, then why try bullying them into your point of view? It has no use. On the contrary: by ramming your truth aggressively down their throats, you’ll only accomplish their firm opposition to you and thereby anything you have to say. You’ll seduce them not to question their beliefs, but to strengthen them – you know what I mean?

    By ‘ramming down’ I mean comparison to slavery, the holocaust, diminishing any opponents of your point of view, etc. It doesn’t get you anywhere, even if you would in fact build a good argument around that. Readers will just react to or think about how inappropriate they find that, and you make it easy for them to just ignore or forget about your whole point. Even I was tempted for a second to do just that.

    On a personal note: I was drawn to your article because of my own experiences with monogamy (I found out for myself the concept of marriage or any promise of a lifelong monogamous bond was a total deception – after I was married unfortunately).

    So I was actually kind of disappointed that it was so poorly written, I was hoping for some real food for contemplation and discussion. I agree with you on some level however, though I could imagine perfectly sane, non world-destroying, situations where two people end up sharing the good part of their lives together. My perspective is that the root of this ‘monogamy-evil’ you speak of lies in the fact that most people still seek their happiness in others, not themselves. That goes for polygamy as well, mind you. Some poly’s might just transfer the one other into many to extract their happiness from. I think that when you truly recognize the bliss inside yourself and realize it to be the core of every living thing on earth, the attraction to one particular human (or more) can be a beautiful thing. For you know inside there is no wanting or having in that love, just the thing itself, so there is no harm done when it ends and you don’t need all the lies to yourself and others.

    It would be beautiful if that could be understood by the many many unaware people on this earth, and it would surely go hand in hand with a better world. I applaud your ambition to that ideal and the effort you are willing to put in. But it can only happen out of conscious, free choice of people themselves, which is not helped much by verbal extremism. It is helped by good pieces written by daring authors like yourself though, so I hope you’re going to develop into a much better writer for the sake of humanity ;).

    With love

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Actually, the absolutist nature of the article is not only honest, it also got a great number of people thinking about an issue they had never really thought about before … And as I’m well aware from my own deluded reaction to my friend who confronted me about eating meat … Our ego will get angry first in many cases … and resort to belittling and attacking the messenger … yet with a bit of settling in, the truth will arise.

      Thanks for stopping by :)

  10. Frank says:

    I want to apologize for the tone of my last message. Your post didn’t warrant all of that emotion, and I am sorry for any comments that came off as name calling. I’m not changing my opinion or taking back what I said, but after rereading my own comment, I felt that I took the wrong approach so for that I apologize. I also agree with one part, which is that people shouldn’t limit their potential relationships to one race, judge each person based on who they are. To say you should sleep with many and is going too far though. There is no commitment because even if you settle down with a few and say those will be the one few I settle with, that’s not commitment.

  11. Frank says:

    The title put me at a pause itself, because I think it’s just as ridiculous and disrespectful as people of today comparing their 9-5 to slavery. Though there may be some similarities, the differences are way to huge to say this or that is equal to the other. It’s always someone who has no clue at all what it’s like to live through one, who is during the comparison to the other. That was bad enough but I still read on to give your theory a chance for what it itself is, ignoring the comparison part. I found that you are so far out of your find that I’m truly not sure if there is anything on earth or any thought process that can bring you back to sanity. This is by far the least intelligent theory I’ve ever heard. You, Erika, are the prime example of someone who is too smart for their own good, or in other words, so smart they’re stupid. You remind me of so many scientist in this world with theories trying to understand things that they are not at all meant to understand. Generalizing anything beyond their mental reach to conform it to things their minds are capable of perceiving. Basically you’re so caught up trying to think outside of the box, that you’ve trapped your mind into the smallest box of all, meaning it will never grow to the level of intelligence it’s truly capable of. See intelligence isn’t just the knowledge, which you seem to have to decent degree, it’s the wisdom, which you seem to lack almost completely. This tells me that anyone who pays $10,000 to be trained by you for 15 hours over 15 weeks, is an absolute fool. No matter what temporary success they find, if they get caught up following your belief system, your way of thinking, that success will be either very short lived or extremely hollow. I can’t imagine how messed up this world would be if everyone bought into your teachings, especially considering how messed up it already is. I wonder how many more children will end up growing up without parents because of everyone sleeping with everyone, possibly even starving to death on the streets. How many more people would end up with STDs that either kill them, or destroy their way of life. Possibly even passing deadly ones onto their children, not to mention the many people they sleep with. How many would contort your teachings into convincing themselves it’s okay to sleep with anyone they want, whether that person also wants to or not, possibly no matter the age. You may think I’m blowing this out of proportion and I am in no way saying that you’re telling them to do these things., but teachings like yours open up Pandora’s box. Hippies of the 70′s felt like everyone should get high with marijuana, because it’s harmless enough. Problem is that it’s a gateway drug, that lead people to taking drugs that can destroy their bodies, entire lives, and entire families. One small bad influence can open the door to a million worse influences. That’s my two cents, for you and whoever else reads this, take it or leave it.

  12. MArie T says:

    Hi Erika.
    I thoroughly disagree with you about the majority of this post, but I do agree that if we all engage respectfully, a better discourse will arise. As such I will attempt to explain my dissention in a rather methodical fashion.
    To start, I’d like to mention that I am a proud black woman. And it from this perspective that I first find fault with your stance. For one, in equating racial segregation to monogamy, you’ve created a false equivilancy that either denies that people can consent to monogamous relationships or that racial segregation must have been consented to by the oppressed people. Either way, it’s just factually in accurate. Furthermore, I think it undermines the systemic battles that contribute to racial inequities that continue today. Ultimately, monogamy is a decision made by two individuals and only those two individuals regardless of whatever societal pressures may or may not exist (which I will get into later). In that sense, the two things are entirely incomparable and therefore the argument can’t stand.
    But next you talk about defending “normal”. Now, the problem here is that you assume that people’s decisions to be in monogamous relationships are limited to exterior definitions of normalcy. While there is certainly truth in the fact that people tend to emulate past notions of “normal” in their lives, I have to say that there are many more reasons than that to chose to be monogamous. One of them – simply put – is safe sex. Less partners, less chance of getting an STI. No matter how you slice that, it’s just true. The next is, of course, intimacy. We all develop intimate relationships with others but the perk of monogamy, is the ability to develop that relationship beyond others. Being the priority of another person’s life is a good feeling. To have a steady and clearly defined place in someone’s life is extraordinarily comforting. There are a lot of statistics to back up the fact that people are most stressed and least happy when they are unsure of their position in their work or personal lives.
    You say that it’s actively selfish to deny other people the chance to be with others. Here’s the thing: a LOT of people just don’t want to be with other people when they love a person a lot. Or even like them a little. If you can make that choice for yourself, is it really that selfish to want that sentiment to be reciprocated? To want for your partner to be emotionally in the same place as you? I think that that just makes for a good relationship.
    But last, and I think most importantly, it is EXTRAORDINARILY oppressive to tell people that their life choices are just flat out morally and otherwise wrong. Ironically, that’s precisely the rhetoric that has been used against LGBTQ people for centuries. Moreover, who are you to tell any individual what is right for their relationship?
    When you talk about us needed to stop talking about ‘me’ and ‘mine’, that’s what people in relationships do. They share with each other. They carry their emotional burdens together. It’s hard enough to worry about the welfare and well being of two people – yourself and another. What you’re suggesting – getting rid of monogamy – necessarily means watering down relationships. You just can’t be as intimate if you aren’t secure in the knowledge of where you stand in someone’s life. People who chose to be in relationships that are not monogamous, are more than welcome to with the consent of both individuals. But in my (both personal and social) experience, you always end up having to chose one person over another in some situation.

  13. Eric Schmalzried says:

    Ramtha said that we live from one emotional addiction to another. "So you fall in love? Tomorrow when the object of your love does something that changes that feeling, you fall out of love again" I have fallen in love with a voice, with beauty, and I have always fallen out again. My soul mates are with other men now, my twin flames are with other men now. You never know what your spouce is doing when you are not with them.

    I am playing the field now, and have no intention of ever being Monogomus for more than is reasonable whether its two days or three years, when it's over it's over and I'm gone. and I will have friends outside the relationship.

  14. Leo Buc says:

    Everyone knows that the EXACT SAME ARGUMENTS that are used to justify monogamy (and genocide) have been used to justify individual bank accounts. Can I have a chunk of your next multi-thousand dollar life coaching clients payments to you?

    • Erika Awakening says:

      My bank account is extremely polyamorous. Dozens of people dip into it every month, and I view money as a free-flowing form of love just like sex could be … Nobody is asking you to jump off a roof this second … We are only asking you to consider the possibility that you could … someday … and fly …

      • Leo Buc says:

        Cool, can I have some of your money, today? Not just like five bucks though, something that really shows you mean it.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Nope and if you wanted sex with me, you’d also need to create a real connection for me to give it to you.

      • Leo Buc says:

        Isn’t requiring a “real connection” just another manifestation of fear and separation? Why won’t you treat me as equal to the “dozens of people” who dip into your bank account?

      • Erika Awakening says:

        No. As I’ve said many times now, this is not about some soul-less mind-numbing promiscuity. This is about learning how to share, and facing our fears and expanding our boundaries in a conscious and connected way. Part of it for me is raising our standards for connection so that we can feel GOOD about giving outside of our usual comfort zone. And while there are times that I do in fact spontaneously just give $20 to a homeless guy on the street, I don’t feel aligned in this moment with giving $20 to you. That could change at any time. It’s a very intuitive process.

  15. rose ALEXANDREA says:

    Speaking as a half-white, half-PoC woman of colour I’m beyond offended that you would compare racial segregation to monogamy. Stop co-opting the suffering of my parents and discrimination, harassment and KILLING faced by my ancestors to make your point. Stop comparing yourself to PoC civil rights leaders. Stop talking like you comprehend our experiences, because you don’t. You can’t.

    As well, I’m pansexual and polyamorous, while I agree that monogamy should not be viewed as the end-all & be-all of human sexual relationships, I recognize that every human being has different sexual and romantic wants and needs and these desires must be respected. Asexual, pansexual, bisexual, gay, straight, polyamorous, monogamous, 2 partners, 5 partners, or more – each of these is equally valid, no one is superiour over the other. I think it’s a good idea to critically examine WHY there’s so much pressure in society to be monogamous, but it’s another thing entirely to suggest that all people should be (or want to be) polyamorous, or that monogamy is an inherently bad state of being.

    • Moral relativism leads to war. Truth is true for everyone, or it’s not the truth. Monogamy is wrong for everyone. So is eating meat and fish. It’s a matter of simple honesty. Thanks for stopping by :)

      And this by the way is the silent epidemic in our society of quiet desperation that NOBODY wants to talk about: http://erikaawakening.com/quiet-desperation

      • Madison Dines says:

        Everything is morally relativistic. The only truth at all is that all truths have a home somewhere.

        I mean, the most basic manifestation of that is the right to live on the earth. At a certain point, in many cases, the desire to survive means finding water resources and food resources that are very scarce. By finding those you deprive those resources from another person. Yet your own truth as an animal “Survive at all costs” directly gets in the way of the truths of those around you.

        And you can’t tell me this isn’t the case. We live in the Western World where water and food resources are pretty easy to come by. But in Sub-Saharan Africa, water and food are quite scarce.

        I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the very high vibrational, mindful sets of truths. And there are certainly truths which provide the framework underneath the entire universe.

        But those truths, those objective, undeliniated and simple truths? Their truth is that everything is permitted and its all good.

        At the core of Moral Relativism, and at the core of Truth are the exact same thing.

        Everything is permitted because the experience is far more valuable than the painful manifestations of suffering that come along with it.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Just wrote another post you may be interested in …

        How Moral Relativism Turned Us Into Serial Killers

        it’s at http://erikaawakening.com/moral-relativism

  16. Kodi Fujii says:

    You sir are awesome!

  17. Dane Dormio says:

    This strikes me as a blatant contradiction: “I have noticed when I go out now, and I see someone else’s purse unattended, I use my energy to safeguard that purse (or someone’s child or pet) the same way I would if it were my own.”

  18. Madison Dines says:

    You’re making the biggest mistake of all by assuming that expansion happens solely in a linear, widening sort of direction, and you’re neglecting the multidimensional nature of what expansion really is.

    I know that expansion can also take the form of getting into the very, very tiny and hidden aspects of reality.

    Indeed, every single dimension (out of the infinite number that there actually are) has so much depth and infinity within it, that you could spend an infinite amount of time and energy plumbing the depths of it.

    If your goal is to have a more conscious awareness in as many dimensions as you possibly can, then sure, maybe your polyamory theories have some weight.

    But that’s like saying “Only Renaissance style scientists are worth anything at all”

    By what I’m entailing there, broadening your understanding and focusing on learning many fields at the same time to a moderate degree of competence.

    But reality is that all of the great leaps and bounds made in human thought over the last several hundred years have all focused even more on the very, very tiny. Narrowly honing an understanding so that the infinity within a single dimension (such as quantum physics, for example) is explored as intensely as the interactions on a large scale you’re espousing.

    You have to do both in order to understand what’s going on.

    You can’t paint broad strokes (Indeed you’ve been painting them so large it couldn’t be interpreted as art anymore) and truly understand the foundations behind your large, systemic knowledge.

    Likewise you can’t paint in tiny brushstrokes and expect to finish a painting, or even figure out the reference point for your work in the spectrum of everything.

    You need to do both. Understanding one requires the understanding of the other as well.

    I mean, I’m a big being. Probably a lot larger than you are, in fact. I’ve got my hands and machinations actively working in more dimensions than even I know about.

    But the size and inevitability by which I move (and is something you probably understand vividly when you tap into the Will of the Universe) still cannot completely shape and reform those dimensions into something that they’re not.

    And why is that? Because they each contain their own infinity.

    In fact, every dimension has its own intricate set of rules and behaviors, which by the Laws of Universal Truth, are easily predictable. Indeed, the only thing that is Universally True is that everything is true on some level or another, and there is a dimension, or a multitude that run solely on those rules. Simultaneously, nothing is true, because there are other dimensions which are completely contradictory to those.

    I could see how the natural mind of an Attorney would gravitate towards understanding things from a place where there are definable, absolute truths within a logical framework that dismisses all parts that don’t supplement the whole.

    But the mind of a scientist is that there is very little that can be truly defined as reality, because there is always more information to gain from anything, and reality itself is incompletely understood.

    Indeed, why would horrible, crappy stuff happen at all except that the Universe decided to test all its hypotheses at the same time? The Universe, or God if you want to call it that, doesn’t act like an Attorney. It acts like a Scientist. A cool, dispassionate scientist who is more interested in exploration than in interpreting the results.

    The only thing you can really say about the Universe is how it is a science experiment. Not an argument where one side wins while the other one loses.

    Because ultimately, if that was the case, and God had any opinion whatsoever, why wouldn’t everything be magical fluffies and rainbows?

    Why would horrible dictators lead such happy, enjoyable lives?

    Why wouldn’t pollution, and death, and disease, and every other nasty thing out there simply disappear?

    Well duh. Because Erika, when you talk about love, you don’t really know what you’re talking about.

    Love is about acceptance. The proof is in the pudding. People don’t take abuse and unkindness from others they’re close to because they’re afraid of being alone. They do it because they elect not to care, and acknowledge that things are indeed fallible.

    Perhaps some people do it out of fear, but everyone has at least one friend who keeps fucking up, yet we still hold compassion and space for them regardless.

    That’s not because we’re waiting conditionally for them to change.

    The whole point of unconditional love is that everything is accepted, and nothing is viewed as worse than anything else.

    To which you’d inevitably reply “Clearly that demonstrates I’m right about polyamory.”

    No, you’re still wrong about that and about monogamy.

    In a place of unconditional love, everything is perfect. Hate does not even exist. Likewise the need to change anything disappears. Indeed so do expectations. Including those expectations that pertain to the entire universe!

    Thus it becomes obvious, and while you’re talking about the illusion of separation, we’re both understanding the same thing.

    However, 99.99999% of people don’t, and cannot see things in that manner.

    And by your own very language “monogamy is hate, racism, the roots of all that is evil” you’re clearly not understanding even this most basic premise.

    I figured a trained attorney of your caliber would be able to recognize when their language was running completely contradictory to their argument, and when they were disproving their argument with their actions.

    In debate club, you would have already lost this debate, and I’d be taking home a shiny trophy.

    Lets get out of that all for a second. How do you rectify the fact that the two things you’re saying are completely contradictory?

    How do you make the claim that any state of the universe is inferior to any other, when everything was created and is a part of perfection?

    I hope I’m not the only one who can recognize the obvious logical fallacy you’re employing right now. And while your job as a trained attorney is to ignore the evidence that doesn’t support your position so that you can win cases, this Universe is the realm of one gigantic Scientist (God), not an attorney.

    From everyone who has been following this comment feed, you’ve been getting an overwhelming amount of very focused, well-developed criticism, and not just from me or my friend Joa.

    The only people who have supported your beliefs are speaking to your original post, and not a single one of them has come out with a single logical, thoughtful argument to disprove what we’re saying.

    In fact, your only response to my critiques has been “Madison, you’re wrong because I said so. The facts are that you’re wrong.”

    Oh, okay, what facts are those? Is it that a professional psychic, shaman, medium and scientist doesn’t have the true story about what he is?

    Oh, okay, so YOU do then hmm? Well, what substantiated evidence have you to provide that makes you the authority over me hmm? I could say the exact same thing in the other direction, and let’s face it, you have no evidence to support your position. Not a definable, quantifiable, iota of information with which you could use to draw that conclusion.

    Therefore, by the nature of both of our trained fields, mine as a scientist and yours as an attorney, that evidence is inadmissible!

    Alright, here’s a couple of good questions to test your psychic meddle: If you can get some sense of what’s right, we’ll allow it to stand that you have a basis for understanding people you’ve never met before. Or me, rather. I will even allow for the nature that time is an illusion and so is separation from our spirit. But I know these things quite well about myself too, so the burden of proof weighs heavily on you.

    1. How many siblings do I have, living or dead, that were birthed by my parents? Where am I in the birth order? Am I an only child? A youngest? An oldest? Somewhere in the middle?
    2. Where do they live on the physical plane that is Earth?
    3. What was my first degree that I was pursuing in college?
    4. What was the name of the first person I had penetrative sexual intercourse with?
    5. (This one should be particularly easy) What is my shamanic lineage, and in what group am I currently practicing shamanism?

    Have fun with that, and if your intuition is very powerful, you shouldn’t have any trouble getting at least a couple of those questions right.

    But otherwise, you’re definitely not as knowledgeable about who I am as I am, and the evidential basis for your entire argument must be discarded and your case thrown out.

    • Madison Dines says:

      It seems like from your lack of a response, you know you don’t have anything good to back it up. You could just own that, if you did that I think people would really appreciate it. The whole thing about being a healer anyways is the humility to let yourself be wrong.

  19. James Morgan says:

    Children are not harmed by love. Its really that simple. Well…OK
    There is one problem. A child who learns ways very different from the societal norms may encounter difficulties. But in fact, the ONLY way things will change if if the CHILDREN learn a better way.

  20. JOa says:

    also does all fear need to be cleared out? some fears are integral to our survival…. its when this fear is tangled in other parts of our lives that it becomes a problem…. if there was no fear then you would not be alive on this planet to learn about it. If there was no fear then you would drive off the cliff instead of rounding the corner. If there was no fear then you would let yourself die now.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      All fear will need to be cleared out… Fear is not our friend. I practice gradualism so I am not going to ask anyone to jump off a roof today while still believing in gravity. I will however ask them to understand that gravity is only a belief, and that they don’t need fear to keep them safe. Intuition will do that job just fine without any fear at all.

      Fear actually creates what we do not want, that is why it must be cleared out. Let’s say the fear of “losing” our partner. If we embrace poly without fear, loss becomes impossible. Whereas the fear of loss has a force of its own and will become a self-fulfilling prophecy if it is not cleared out … and yes these are exactly the fears that are “hiding out” under the rug of monogamy. Swept under and not addressed. Which is exactly why you hear me speaking so passionately about this subject. Those who practice monogamy are not doing the work they need to do to clean up their subconscious minds, and we are all responsible for doing this work.

      • JOa says:

        so if any random creepy rapist shows up to your house and wants to have sex with you your going to say yes? Do you have a sign out front that says “Come one come all and have sex with me!” cause if your not down for that then there is still a seperation. Maybe you should send out a letter to all the sex offenders in your neighborhood that you are available to be violated.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        JOa, we already had that discussion, did you not read the whole article?

      • JOa says:

        i did maybe i missed something

      • JOa says:

        if you could point it out to me I would appreciate it… thats a lot of reading I would rather not read again

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I think it’s the last paragraph of the article. I am not advocating disconnected promiscuity nor rape nor going so far out of comfort zone that we get totally overwhelmed. What I teach and practice is a system of gradually removing fear that ultimately leads to quantum leaps. It doesn’t mean you go out and have sex with 12 crack addicts tomorrow. I think it’s the last couple paragraphs of the article.

      • Madison Dines says:

        Look,
        I fear not a single thing on this plane nor any other. Even death is just a sweet kiss of transition that I’ve known time and time again.

        I willingly talk to and associate with “evil” people from a place of kindness and of love.

        If I am in an intimate relationship, I do not fear my partner leaving me. Things change and transition all the time. I do not fear being alone. I’d rather be alone my whole life than involve myself with those who are not yet aware of these things.

        I desire not any person. I hold no goddesses. I know we’re all human. The ability to reach the levels of knowing both my friend Joa and I are talking about necessitates a state of being without fear, and being absolutely ecstatic to be vulnerable and accept all things which flow into your life.

        You couldn’t interpret who I am and come to any other conclusions. And if you saw the inside of my aura, you’d know this was true.

        Yet I choose to be monogamous. I have even chosen to try polyamory for a few years. I’ve had penetrative sex with close to 100 women in my short 27 years. I have loved and accepted every one of them.

        Yet, I still know that monogamy goes a whole lot deeper for me into explorations of what truly is.

        You can’t claim I’m living in fear. I have no fear. The only thing keeping me on this planet is the sense of my own responsibility to it, and the fact that my spirit is having a very enjoyable time being a human right now.

        Joa and I are the exceptional results that break your theory completely down. If you had a sense of the Scientific Method, and recognized its value on a higher level spiritual sense, these outliers would be forcing you to completely reevaluate your hypothesis.

        Yet you still can’t do it, because you’re not a spiritual scientist at all. You’re a future church leader or some crap, ready to have a whole army of followers drinking your Kool-Aid.

        Joa and myself have done healing work for people that was completely and utterly life-changing for them. On the regular even. We’re both paid quite well to help people awaken to what they really are and transcend their illusions.

        We’re 20 years younger than you, yet I can tell you firmly that if someone should be listened to, it would be either one of us. Namely because we’re not dumb enough to try to own what comes through us.

        If you fixate your understanding on a point, and declare it completely, irrevocably true, you’ve abandoned any aspect of the truth that could ever hit you.

        Here you’ve got completely contradictory evidence to your hypothesis, yet you’re telling a professional in the same field as you that we don’t know ourselves better than you do? I’m actually laughing to myself right now when I think about how silly that is.

        So do I think you’re qualified to have people run a 30-day course on changing their life? No, I actually think people should avoid your videos.

        Your lack of awareness about the multitudinous and perfect nature of this universe means that you’re always feeding your perspectives through your own lens. All you’re going to do is drag a bunch of very sensitive people into YOUR reality, and drag them by the hair out of their own.

        They’ll spend months, years, or lifetimes trying to get rid of the karmic baggage you’re beating into them, and if they don’t ever meet someone qualified to help them heal, it will not be easy for them to get free.

        Just in the exact same way that your Guru did to you. You’re doing the same thing right now because guess what? You’re resolving the karmic ties he shoved into your system.

        That I understand, and I hold peace for your eventual release. But until then, now you’ve got a bunch of other people resolving his delusional kick that are paying you good money to grow.

        Until you can be at peace with perfection, and get out of your own false separation, don’t expect people to benefit from your work. And pray that if you’re wrong, they can find healing that actually will elevate them.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        If you had no fear, you would never choose monogamy. There is too much expansion to be found in sharing, no matter how deep you are going with any one person.

        People choose monogamy out of fear. Period. There are no exceptions. Nobody puts a fence around anything except out of FEAR.

        You can argue with me about this until the end of time. And I am going to speak the truth and nothing but the truth.

  21. Joa Jóia says:

    kasya… what you are saying does happen in monogamous relationships…. but it doesnt make it a definate thing that happens everywhere… I dont think there should be any sort of idea that monogamy is only one color… its different for everyone… some couples constrict eachother while others dont at all and are fully free to their own choosings and every spectrum between. the issue with monogamy is not monogamy itself its in the way one practices monogamy.

    • Madison Dines says:

      ^What Joa said. Hi buddy!

    • Erika Awakening says:

      The problem with monogamy is exclusion. We are not here to exclude. We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.

      • Madison Dines says:

        That isn’t even “a” problem associated with monogamy. All aspects of life reflect that, getting sexy with lots of different people is never going to change that. You keep putting cause on something that’s completely unrelated.

        Besides, there is separateness in this universe, and its meant to be that way. Even if it is an illusion, the energies are all allowed to have their own life, story, and place. That’s the greatest gift that our creator ever endowed with us, is the ability to draw our own conclusions while being a part of the greater body. I hope we’re finally getting through to you.

      • JOa says:

        I have a question for you erika… how long have you been practicing polyamory?

      • JOa says:

        There is a beauty in seperation… if we were never seperate at all we would just be one giant blob with no relationships at all. Seperation is a gift that we may experience this reality. If you wish to change your name to Erika Awake one day then you will see that there is no black and white idea of fear vs love. this is what you call False seperation. True merging into the infinate means accepting all spectrums. There is no one thing that is wrong or right in this world… only from our false understanding can this be so. isnt it great that your cells can divide and create you? There is a huge learning here among these paradoxes of seperation vs. oneness for we are all one and yet in this dimension we are seperate. We get to merge through divine sexual union which is awesome to experience… I tried my hand at polyamory for a time and went around having sex with different people and found it was not for me as not one of those relationships were able to get me to the pure absolute surrender and merging of my entire chakra system with another into pure and absolute divine tantric rapture… it just never happened for me when I got chords to 5 different people… if you could see the energetic configuration of poly relationships you would see the mess it can create with everyone’s energies flying everywhere and no one knowing what’s theirs and whats an energy coming from some other lover source elsewhere. Now It does work for lots of people and this is the way they choose to exhange energy… and for some people they are really good at creating clear chords of energy… this requires a lot of work though and for me it was too much complexity for my mind and brought me major headache… If you can truely Make Love in absolute purity to multiple partners then more power to you go for it but for me this is not the case and why I choose a form of open monogamy. Never would I say though that polyamory is wrong as both options have their benifits and limitations.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        That’s a good question Joa, in truth all my life. Unfortunately, back when I was less honest about it, I would just break off my relationships as soon as I was attracted to someone new because I didn’t want to be dishonest and cheat. Thankfully now there is no need for such breakups because I’m simply honest about loving outside the box.

      • JOa says:

        thats great erika I am glad you have found your truth… unfortunately until you have spent a great deal of time in intentionally polyamorous relationships then I cant imagine you can have any authority on the subject. I would like to hear your experience 5 years from now… And if you are still poly then I will love hearing how you have succeeded and I am sure it will be a great eye opening read. This has been a great article for pushing the buttons inside of me to reevaluate my own understandings of this subject so thank you! :)

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Mmhmm, nice punt. The issues are NOW, JOa … they are not five years from now. I will never be monogamous again. I never was monogamous, I – like everyone else – was just lying to myself. You can certainly attempt to avoid the issues raised by these articles for a little longer. I promise it won’t work. God has caught up with the ego, and monogamy is about to be as retro as covered wagons lol ;-P

      • JOa says:

        the most important thing in my re-ordering of my experiences in love has been in taking tantric classes. When you experience what we usually keep in our root chakra from a full chakra system we can come to realize that what we have been experiencing from people at a root level totally changes in the heart and the rest of the chakra system. I feel so bessed to have taken a Kriyavati Puja tantric workshop with Kriyanna Reyna Feyalove. Once the kundalini is actually activated during an intimate experience you can transmute a lot of the karmas which we mistake for need to physically merge our root energies. This awakened me to see that anytime I feel a deep attraction for someone it doesnt necissarily need to be a physically sexual experience. Then one day someone comes along who when I bring that energy up in my chakra system and find that the sexual attraction is still there and within every other chakra at the same time…. this is when a purely magical sexual union can occur and when you experience this there is nothing else that compares to it hence the reason for monogomy for me… until there comes another woman who compares fully in all my chakras to this one I have no reason to experience anything with another woman but meditation and energy work together.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Why not be open to it? Sure I hear you … I have experienced profound energetic connections with people too, with or without sex. There’s no need to put a fence around it. Unless there is fear, there is no desire to put a fence around … and all fear needs to be cleared out … why not just be open to the possibilities?

      • JOa says:

        as A pisces I understand what no boundries is all about as it is our inherent nature to be the breaker of boundries… to us pisceans boundries dont exist. I have learned through this that sometimes boundries are great preservers of energy. there are people in this world I would absolutely never merge sexually with. Would you have sex with a rapist? would you let someone rape you if they attacked you and beat you? probably not… why would you want to merge energy with someone of that energy? and as I said I am open… the only fences I have are against energy I wish not to engage with. Let me also say that the woman I am devoted to at the moment… we never have labeled ourselves exclusive and I have always left her open and free to chose anything she pleases and we are open in communication about it. If there comes a point where either of us decides to experience a different person a sexual level then we will cross that bridge if it comes but so far neither of us is interested persueing anything outside each other. being present in that which we feel now is all we can do.

  22. JOa says:

    The issues we face in this world are about polarity… fear/love are not the only two categories… you cant just lump everything into two categories it just doesnt make sense (Donnie Darko).
    There is a difference between choosing one person out of fear of losing them and choosing one person because you wish to be more intimate… Right now the love of my life is on the other side of the planet…. while we have been exclusive we also have never limited each other… and always communicate… if there is someone or something out there that she wishes to engage with I would never constrict her against her wishes. we have this understanding and deep love….. we also both have been through plenty of relationships and found each other to be a deeply rewarding combination… never would i say she is mine. never would I tell anyone they cant have her because she is her own person. That would mean I dont truely love her. Devotion is a powerful thing. At the moment I am devoted to this one person. That does not mean I own them in any way.
    Again the issue on this planet is polarity… monogamy vs polyamory… you cant just lump them into two categories nor can you stamp either one with the label of fear or love because its just not that simple.
    Find a balance that works for yourself
    as above so below as within so without
    balance your own shit within and watch the world around change instead of pointing the finger outside yourself and telling everyone they need to be like you…. this is an obvious projection of personal fears.
    if everyone was just an on and off switch things would be different even still than the illusion in the world that everything is on and off…. this is the true issue… that we believe any one thing is concrete love or concrete fear. You cant fully represent a sunset in a black and white photo.

  23. ART says:

    Erika, you said:

    “…Isn’t anyone else sick and tired of the melodrama that always goes with “special relationships”? The cheating, the divorces, the abuse of children, the endless hatred I hear about from my customers and clients that occurred in their supposedly “loving” nuclear families. The nuclear family is so messed up it’s hard to believe that ANYONE still defends it… ”

    With this you definitively hit the nail on its head.
    I have NEVER met anybody who is/was in a LONG-term monogamous relationship who could honestly claim that s/he is happy with the relationship. Never. Ever.
    My married relatives show a decent and ‘normal’ picture to the outside world. Inside their walls they’re arguing EVERY day, E V E R Y single day. The melodrama, the fake image the portray to the world. It’s disgusting.

    And the nuclear family often reminds me of a nuclear bomb, sadly…

    We certainly have to heal. Let’s consider Erika’s concept. Let’s try what she has to offer, together!

    • Madison Dines says:

      My parents are happier than clams man, sounds like you just haven’t been exposed to something that beautiful.

      What you all just aren’t getting about monogamy is the sense within the self of a “sacred relationship”. That doesn’t mean, god is hurling lightning bolts at you if you screw it up. That means you have valued the world you are creating with another person so much that you declare yourself fully, lifetime committed to that relationship.

      If you’ve never seen it before, of course you wouldn’t know it existed! But it is the absolute deepest form of relationship you can have with another human being. Read what I wrote above about this subject.

      What you all are missing here is cause and effect. The cause of problems is not the nuclear family, the sense of lodging your self with another person.

      The cause of relationship problems is the negligence of the ability to accept and work with all of the idiosyncrasies and wounds of your partner. Its about itemizing wrongs, not forgiving, not holding space for the natural imperfection of all humans. Holding fears without learning the truth. Not owning your own healing processes. Blaming others for that which you must resolve within yourself.

      The root of all relationship problems has to do with the inability of one or both parties to be humble, and loving, and gracious to their partners. Not monogamy.

      Monogamy, because of its depth has a way to dig deeper wounds, sure. But, also because of its depth, it can heal wounds that your polyamorous free-love trip simply can’t. Fine, go have your trip, your choices dictate your life, I’d never ask you to take that away. But don’t misplace the responsibility for work by blaming it on the symptom, and not the disease.

      In all sincerity, I’ve seen plenty of polyamorous communities, and plenty drop out. I’ve even explored it myself. Most people’s complaint is how it just lacks the depth that they find in monogamy. And those are the facts. You can never go as deep unless you’re spending all your time with those people.

      Erika,

      you come representing one corner of the universe. Stop pushing your trip into the energetic space of others who don’t need it. Alright, you’re a powerful soul. That doesn’t make you right. Guess what? I’m a powerful soul. I direct my energy in such a way that all people can nurture their most intimate aspirations. Until you can step into that kind of knowing within yourself, your healing work will never be as powerful or as beneficial as it could be. Your influence is coming too much from the fire center. Awareness comes from acceptance.

      A few days ago, I talked to a man who had murdered a girl when he was 11 years old. He was stealing her bicycle. Did I shrink in terror or assert my energy over him? No I did not. I held peace, I held compassion. I watched him coming to some peace within himself. That is all I should do.

      Because you can never know what it is that another person needs. Not when you’re shooting straight out of your own will like you are. There is truth. But you’re only tapping into “a truth”. To encompass “The Truth” you have to make peace with that which even confuses and disturbs you.

      From a person who actively works with both humans in my energetic practice and very wounded thought-forms and “spirits”, I can tell you how healing actually works. Healing works by accepting. Healing works by not being repulsed at something which seems ugly to you. You cannot do that. Your language has made it clear, and the clear firey, pushy will which is represented in your writing, shows that.

      You’ve already cut yourself energetically from the sources of beings that can help you to understand this. In your trials and mental processes you’ve lost sight of what brought you to your work in the first place. Even great gurus have to take their time to go back up the mountain and re-learn their craft and spirit.

      Knowing divinity is not a static mass. Knowing divinity is a shifting, flowing relationship between states of yourself. You can have it and then lose it. You’ve lost sight of what it means to be a healer through your lack of acceptance and understanding.

      I hope you can find it again in your humility. Perhaps you’ve never been challenged like this before after you’ve already climbed to the top of the mountain. Well sister, you’ll do it plenty of times before you get it right.

      I might be younger than you, but even I understand this. I know to accept and be thankful for all things. I’ve watched spirits transform instantly in this environment, by the hundreds. People too. The only place is through that acceptance. The only truth is that all is perfect, including what you think is ugly. Only through acceptance can you understand where the wounds really are.

      Get off your high horse already and come back down to earth. If your work is so incredible, you need no title. You are nothing but a vessel. All you are is a conduit for the spirit to flow through you. Stop owning your lessons.

      None of what you’ve been given do you own. You happen to be the lucky channel by which it manifests. Respect the teaching, not the channel. If you’re so truly right, you couldn’t care less about the title, just the results.

      In fact, you probably need to let your spirit sift through everything you’ve learned, because how hard you’re holding on to being right means that the truth has already slipped past your fingertips. It flows like a stream, it does not rest in place, a solid mass for you to grab on to.

      I’d leave your practice for awhile, and step back to it after you’ve done some work to grasp the freedom of flow again. If you’ve never known it, go learn it. Make peace with knowing nothing.

      The sage is deaf, and the oracle is blind. Never forget that. Truth must flow through you for it to be worth a lick of anything. Uncork your flow already, beings like myself have to contain the energetic disturbance you’re stirring up in the lives of others. Its a pain in the butt to have to extend my energy in such a manner, trust me. I don’t enjoy it.

      But you’re trying to lead a movement, and you don’t have the humility to recognize where you’re wrong. If anything, you’re repeating the same energetic karma as your “Guru”, or the guy who took a huge steaming crap all over you.

      In any case, that’s just as well. Karmas do get shared between people. Making peace with that part of yourself will release you from him. Then you will find other teachers, namely yourself, and your own peace. Stop claiming to own “the truth”. You own “a truth”, there’s a huge difference.

      Until you can feel legitimate and meaningful gratitude for your “Guru”, you’ll be pulling your karmic ties with him into your healing practice. And that can cause legitimate harm to the people getting treatments from you.

      You won’t know what the truth is until you’ve come to peace with everything again. Go drop off the planet for awhile. Have your healing process.

      Listen, I’ve got this Madison kid serving as a channel for you to feel this energetically right now. We’re meant to be challenged. It’s the greatest of all gifts. You may hate and get upset that I’m bringing you this delivery, but you’ll feel like thanking me later. As the knowing comes to you it will reduce your desire to assert your beliefs and energies. But you’re in a state of being re-aligned with what is actually true. Take the time to be one with it. There is a great amount of potential within you that you truly do know about yourself. Well, us here in the Celestial realms are holding you closely. And not except through great trials and great falls of illusion can you come to embody that. I am not Madison, I am known to you humans as Metatron, but understanding that which I am it requires you to surrender your knowing. I come to teach you, but it is in unknowing that you will know. I speak in riddles. You must learn how to understand them. Only then can you understand the context of why you’ve decided to wage war on the fundamental driving carnal force propelling this plane. The earth is a place of dynamism. But things take time to grow at this speed. Bonded souls can encompass the time necessary to allow these seeds to germinate. Bonding can be free, but it is so much easier with just one other human being.

      Cherish your fallibility and mistake. It will feel uncomfortable. But you’ll be better for it afterwards. Ta ta, I’m letting you go now. Here’s Madison back.

      Wow, well, channeling. Like I said earlier, the Oracle must be blind. I hope whatever Metatron decided to do pays off for you. That energy works in some beautiful ways.

      Take care,
      Madison

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Your parents if they stay on the path they are on, are going to die. Nobody who is going to die is happy. Not really. The illusion of happiness is not happiness.

        We are engaged in a big mission here, my friend. In letting go of the belief system behind monogamy is the end of death. And don’t dismiss that glibly because until you understand the big picture that I can see (with my apologies that I have not yet quite figured out how to communicate it – this is all practice) … there is no way you can make an informed decision about monogamy.

        If you understand the price of special relationships is death, do you still want them? The honest answer to that question is “no, absolutely not.”

      • Erika Awakening says:

        There are a bunch of people in day jobs who “make the best of it,” “have a good attitude,” and play along with the whole system better than others. Does that make them happy? No way. Would they keep choosing that day job if they really understood the freedom that awaits them outside that system? No way. They choose imprisonment because they don’t understand it’s a choice.

  24. Nathan Whiteside says:

    Thanks for the link! I think this post nails it on the head. Sharing. :)

  25. Nathan Whiteside says:

    I'm not going to say anything here about the segregation/monogamy analogy itself because we are covering that in the thread on your other blog post, but I do want to address a few key points here:

    1) You make these grand pronouncements about how everyone KNOWS that monogamy is wrong, which is just bizarre and simply not true. You cannot know the mind of every human being on the planet, so in the first few words of your blog you show an enormous disconnect between your beliefs and the reality, not to mention incredible hubris for assuming you know everyone's minds better than they know it themselves.

    2) Speaking of hubris, you then go on to state that you KNOW that monogamy is a form of fear and hatred. This is after you wrote, "I am a firm believer that if we will all stay connected during the heat of our biggest conflicts, we will come out on the other side as friends and with a new consensus about what kind of world we want to create together."

    How are we to come together to a NEW consensus if you have come into the conversation with such certainty that you are right, that every knows you are right, and therefore everyone who disagrees with you is 100% wrong? That is not how people create a new consensus, that is how one person imposes their beliefs on others. And I would argue that when people are certain that they are right, conflicts become intractable, including all those people who were/are CERTAIN that it is wrong to mix races. In order to have a real conversation in which consensus becomes possible, we must all come to it with a lot of humility, and the recognition that whatever we THINK we know could turn out to be 100% wrong.

    3) You make a list of the "real" reasons why people choose monogamy, despite their stated desire to delve into deeper intimacy. I have made that claim regarding intimacy, but it was other people who got "poked" into making the statements that you listed, so it is completely disingenuous to use THEIR reasons to try to discredit MY reason for supporting monogamy as a choice. I personally don't agree with any of those other reasons you've listed, so you still have yet to address the question of intimacy.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Nathan,

      Tonight I had this intuition that we could really get each other. Now I’m about to go off to bed again, feeling sleepy and barely eating or sleeping lately cuz of being very immersed in my passion here lol …

      Anyway, I have a favor to ask you. It won’t cost you any money and it will be a bit of your time, and I understand your time is valuable. So I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t have a strong intuition about it …

      Would you be willing to listen to and tap along to the 30-Day World Peace Challenge?

      I’ve made it available free on YouTube, and the link is here: http://erikaawakening.com/peace.

      I keep talking about the experiential. I would like to hear what comes alive for you tapping those videos …

      • I appreciate the invitation and look forward to having a “meeting of minds” around all of this. To that end, if I follow you through your 30-Day World Peace Challenge, would you be willing to receive my healing work (likewise for free), and see what it does for you?

        Regardless, I would still like to know what your response is to what I’ve said here.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Nathan,

        Thank you. Yes, I am sincerely interested in us having a meeting of the minds. If you do the World Peace Challenge, I would most certainly be open to experiencing your work also – as sometimes words on a page just don’t seem to be the best way to reach understanding. I am assuming we could do that over Skype or otherwise remotely? Unless we happen to be in the same place at the same time.

        On the comments, please forgive me. I am so overwhelmed with unanswered comments right now, and I need to turn my attention to this party I’m co-hosting this weekend (http://erikaawakening.com/specialness-ruined-sex) as well as attending to the side of my business which pays the bills (http://tapsmarter.com) and some other pressing matters. So if you’ll please be patient with me, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to circle back and respond to comments in a committed way. I could throw out glib responses and I’d rather not do that. Some of these comments go so deep that we may need an entire series of articles to address. My intuition for us understanding each other right now is leaning more in the direction I suggested.

        What do you think?

        cheers,
        Erika

  26. Jeremy Fizette says:

    Id like to hear your perspective as it applies to having a family. Do you have a child? My views were very much congruent with yours until i brought a child into the world.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Jeremy,

      Parent/child relationships are also “special relationships” that must be dramatically transformed in order for us to live in freedom again. We haven’t even got to that topic yet :) Thanks for stopping by …

      - Erika

  27. Kasya B Catyes says:

    Lots of people talk about sex, but ignore the first step… to be open to love… people basically not wanting to share love with each other, except with the one where they are in control. Based on fear… Have you ever seen a couple being in love with each other… and then they turn around and look at you like they want to shoot you? What love is that? Exclusive, like racism. Have you seen truly happy people, they look like they are shining. They are full of real love and they happily share it with strangers. But people turn love into hate because they are afraid… they feel they have only this chance, because love out there is so scarce, so they need to defend their chance… they are so hungry, starving… they don't want to be disturbed, so they build high walls. Once married they stop seeing you.. you might snatch their partner from them.

  28. Erinn Anova says:

    Erika, this may be of interest to you. jujumamablog.com/2012/01/07/why-master-monogamy/

  29. ms says:

    Quick question…how do you know what other people want? You talk about doing this to get rid of hatred and anger and hurt and sickness, etc, and to obtain world peace…how do you know people want world peace? This is where your theory falls short. If all were looking for it, then maybe your ideals would hold some ground, but for those that just don’t care and are not interested or are happy and don’t see the hurt others suffer, this won’t matter at all to them. They are content the way they are, doing what they please. Even though I am in a monogamous relationship, I am still free. I can go where I please, when I want, with whom I want, I just don’t share my body with them. And it doesn’t really have to do with my husband not wanting that. It has to do with me not wanting it. I am satisfied where I am-beyond satisfied actually. I am not hiding behind fear or hatred. What exactly do I fear or hate? I choose this because it satisfies me and makes me feel whole. We created our oneness that we don’t want to share and we are ready to fight for it, so yes, I can see how hatred can stem from what we create. But what you talk about is greed. You want it ALL. You want everyone’s love and everyone’s protection, and all the special things that people share. It is obvious you are lacking in love. You don’t know how it feels to be cherished by one person. To be that special someone that you wouldn’t trade for the world. The only person that can make you whole. Even children do this. You can’t imagine the bond that a mother feels being pregnant, hearing the first heartbeat, feeling the first kick, and delivering a child. Looking into their large, trusting eyes and knowing you made that. You and your special snowflake put your love together and made this little miracle. It is so beautiful. And it is even better knowing that it was done with someone special and not just some guy you were open with. When I see how my husband loves our children and plays with them and gives them all of him. It is beautiful. How can such beauty stem from hate and anger? The amazing, beautiful feelings that come from this special love are indescribable. And if you want honesty, yes, I don’t want to share this, I don’t want to give it away, I don’t want to be hurt from losing it either. So the deep root is, selfishness. I am selfish. I don’t want to share. So what? How is my selfishness causing world destruction? You say it is, but don’t give definite examples…like when you are in love, and keep your love, this happens and this happens and this happens…and then BANG, the world is destroyed! Here’s another honesty moment, I don’t care about world peace. I also don’t think it’s attainable. Human nature, whether with one person, or many, will have it’s own desires and needs that will need to be fulfilled. When not, that’s when things happen. People act on their basest instincts and do as they will. They may not want to love, or be loved and therefore will not accept your way. In summary, I think you are wrong. You are trying to live in a fantasy world where everyone wants what you want and will do just what you say. You are excluding all those that don’t want what you want, thus you are like racial segregation. You are just a jealous, greedy person, that wants what the select few have found (I know people don’t work out, but that is because they didn’t find the “special snowflake”). You detest seeing those little, perfect families, happy and in love. You want to have this for yourself. You will find a few that might agree with your ideals, but many won’t. Maybe take a step back and ask yourself, what is your agenda? What are you trying to do here? What is the purpose of all the posts you write? They all seem very negative towards something you have no experience in besides your 5 year sham of a relationship with your ex. The problem was you lived with blinders on and looked like a fool. Now you are trying to make the rest of the world hate like you do. You are HATING monogamous couples. That is not what you are spouting about with world peach and love. Think about it. Look deep and find out what you are really trying to accomplish with all this. I wish you luck in figuring out yourself. You seem lost. Good luck.

    • Madison Dines says:

      I don’t really appreciate how personal these comments are getting. As a complex thinker myself, I have plenty of strange ideas that aren’t rooted in trauma. And there are plenty of logical arguments behind that which she’s saying. However, plenty of logic is flowing in both directions, and the one does not preclude the other.

      In an infinite universe, the reasons why this opinion should get nestled within Erika is entirely unfathomable, and to try and quantify it based on previous losses or a quality of human being that she is, is missing reality entirely. Just like she was doing in regards to monogamy.

      People are running around with their fool heads cut off thinking some method or strategy is going to save the world. That somehow the complete removal of another pattern is going to end all suffering. Well, the fact is, 3 billion years from now this planet is getting consumed by the Sun. Our star will die, all things will change. Anything that struck of humans, or earth will be gone, broken down into its component parts. I.E, none of this matters. Its all transient anyways. Everything works out according to its own rythms, we need not do a thing to allow the world to grow and heal.

      In a lot of ways, the arrogance we have of assuming we have the answers is our biggest and ugliest folly. If you want to know what is really causing hatred? It’s the assumption that you know anything.

      Your beliefs force others out of their own choices. Your world must destroy other worlds in order to survive. The war and murder happens every day, perpetuated by us who assume to know what is happening, and what the solutions are.

      And that’s what it comes down to here. If your reality requires other realities to no longer exist, you’ve waged war upon those realms, and all their denizens. There is your root of hatred. It’s not monogamy, and it’s not polyamory.

  30. Maya says:

    Monogamy is a choice, just like polygamy is a choice. Neither is inherently evil. While you make a good point about people examining their belief systems deeper, it would be of great value to examine your own again (and sometimes yet again) to see if your own is actually really based on truth.

    The article feels like it shames monogamists in the same way polygamous people have been shamed. There is no one size fits all solution for humanity, and monogamy can be based on a healthy belief system, just as polygamy can. You assume that anyone who speaks out on your article is doing so from a knee jerk reaction, rather than maybe re-questioning the belief system that you have replaced with whatever one you used to have before your healing

    Love can be shared by all without excluding the system of monogamy-loving everybody doesn’t mean that you can’t form a bond that you wish to express in a monogamous way. Loving others doesn’t mean that a person can’t be with one partner and share intimacy with them, while choosing to love others without sharing sexual intimacy- and choosing to have that kind of intimacy with everybody doesn’t mean that the person is loving everybody.

    There is a kind of separationist segragation that is threaded into both your articles. Any kind of system posited over all others that makes blanket statements like your article does it an elitist kind of thinking. By the end of it your article comes off as being just as separation grounded as what you are advocating against.

    It is great fodder for food for thought and I believe it’s fulfilled a role of people at least stopping to consider it, yet the language you use is not generally compassion or love filled nor is it the language of awakening, there’s a lot of anger there. You’ve attracted many energy healers and spiritualists alike, myself included, and I do believe it’s because there’s a lot of mixed energy in your article, it’s not like it doesn’t contain any truth- monogamy based belief system are dangerous, but they are so just like polygamy based belief systems are. Both are subject to pitfalls and if you had been advocating that the belief structure behind it be dismantled in order for a person to actually go beyond their conditioning and heal the fear that has informed their decision it could have encouraged people to make a deeper commitment to coming from a place of power whilst making a choice based on their personal truth about whether they choose to make a commitment that is monogamous or not. Instead your article is extremist in your thinking that one size will fit all (a really dangerous way of thinking) and that once fears are healed a person will NOT choose monogamy no matter what- that’s a really presumptious thing to state. Wherever you are in your healing journey, you don’t know where another is in theirs, and to assume that your choice and opinion is right over theirs is not in alignment with oneness- oneness doesn’t mean we expressed ourselves in human form to all have the same experiences or make the same choices, there is beautiful diversity of colour in the human spectrum. Just because one person chooses monogamy and another chooses to be polygamous doesn’t mean that one is wrong and the other right. Focusing on deconstructing the patriarchal thinking that lies behind both doesn’t mean stripping people of their right to choose.

    The thing is, you feel like those who have been critical of your article are wrong, even while you say you value their opinion, it doesn’t feel like you are sitting down to question your own belief paradigm that you’ve traded in, just to see if it actually is true, instead it feels like you’re responding with a steadfastness to your original belief and a firmly grounded decision to come at all comments from that point, insisting it’s true and right and that you’re justified and it comes from oneness. If you don’t question it with a truly open mind, you shut yourself off to true inquiry and truth and curiousity too. Truth be told, I don’t think my comment is going to have much of an impact on you at all, apart from making you stick to your guns even more.strongly.

    I don’t think you see the shaming and judgement present in your article- you don’t want to shame crack addicts but instead you are shaming monogamists-I’m not sure how that fits in with loving others. Your right to be polyamorous does not trump another’s to be a monogamist. Freedom isn’t in one or the other- it’s in the choice. The language your article postulates to put forth a theory that EVERYBODY knows that monogamy is wrong is not liberating, or liberal it feels stifling and conservative, albeit a different flavour of conservative.

    Maybe at some point in your journey you’ll be guided towards a deeper truth, maybe not. Either way it felt like your article came from a lot of wounding- albeit different wounds than the ones that you’ve healed that have led you to this paradigm, and I hope that heals, even if you may not see it now, or maybe ever. I wish you well and send you love on your journey, wherever it takes you.

  31. rosa parks says:

    Hey Erika,

    I have a challenge for you. If you want to save the planet and end segregation, you should go to a park or somewhere like that and take the first homeless guy that you will come across on the street to your place. Give him a nice shower and an amazing night with a lot of sex. We should share, right? And I agree with you that the planet needs love so that would be a good start, don’t you think?

    About monogamy, after read all your pathetic story about your “ex-boyfriend” (who is monogamous, according to you), I think this whole story is just about you been rejected in the last five years. Get a life. A person who really wants to save the planet would be doing something more useful than “fighting” against monogamy.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Right Rosa Parks. The article triggers a lot of uncomfortable feelings for you, so you resort to personal attack about a situation you have absolutely no personal knowledge of so that you can try to avoid the guilt that necessarily comes with excluding your brothers and sisters from your relationships.

      It’s a nice attempt and totally transparent.

      My ex Mark Manson is already surrounded by co-dependent enablers. He doesn’t need any more of them. Monogamy is hurting him just as much as it’s hurting you. For one thing, it has destroyed his writing, made him totally boring. He’s got his head so far up his ass, I’m not sure it will ever come out. Do not come here and make excuses for his inexcusable behavior. It’s time for all the co-dependent enablers to back off and let him actually face himself and the consequences of his actions for once in his life. Thank you.

  32. Åsta Martine Helena Desiree says:

    Very interesting – imagine all the hurt that would disappear if we could allow love to be shared. If we could allow ourselves and others to live in the moment, and let go of the thought that there had to be an agenda. If I am in contact With vounralbility and I feel safe, I like that its ok that I can share how I feel With anyone, and not have to "save" it for my best friend or husband.

  33. Madison Dines says:

    Hi Erika,

    Responding again to my earlier post, I’m sure you’ve got it back there.

    The real benefit from monogamy comes from simplicity.

    Anyone who is part of a shamanistic or mystic current will also be able to speak about the beauty and power of simplicity. Its the state of mind that has the truest potential for allowing the mysteries of the universe to speak through you. Life has a way of rewarding those who keep a lot of simplicity in the places where their sanctuary lies. The mind has so much power to deceive and create illusions when its grasping for understanding. This is the essential problem with defining anything at all, it could never grasp whats really going on.

    Simplicity leaves the room for peace to prosper within the self. A chance to take a moment and have a really deep breath. The real benefit of monogamous relationships is in that state. Because of the sheer depth you’ve plumbed with a single other person, your temple has depth you couldn’t comprehend on any other level. There is a security there.

    Never forget that we are as much transcendental, enlightened beings as we are animals that will literally die if we don’t play by the rules of the physical realm. No amount of believing will keep a 5 story fall from breaking bones, and probably killing you. We’d like to think that things don’t work that way out here in the realms of possibility, but they still do.

    Spiritual work and karmic healing happens in the dark, dank, scary places of the self. The revelations and joyous rapture are just the icing on the cake, the reward if you will.

    And only the very most enlightened Yogis of all traditions are able to transcend fear. It is a powerful root which binds us to this plane. And we’re not meant to ignore it, or demean its relevance until we’ve earned our way out of that place.

    A state without fear is a state where everything is perfection, including the things you despise and hate the most. Things aren’t all flowers and roses in this Universe, and it was never meant to be that way. Every piece plays a perfect part. From Siddhartha to Adolf Hitler.

    I can see plenty of argumentation around that. But if we’re really trusting the universe, the challenges that we face are essentially rewards to our souls, even if we can’t see things that way.

    And we’re meant to feel horrified by malice and evil that profound. The challenge becomes to see the value and goodness in it anyways. Horrors so great they help all people to sober up about their thoughts and choices.

    Understanding suffering from a deep, gut level is the only way we can make peace with all of ourselves.

    Don’t kid yourself, you don’t exist without your darkness and shadow. We’re bound to this plane by illusions and pain, in order that we can heal those parts of the Universe and grow.

    And what all this means is, very, very few of us have reached a state of healing where we don’t have to be challenged deeply every time it happens.

    Why is this relevant? Well, every single time you go through a state of healing like that, it shakes you to your very fundamental core. It impacts you on a physical level. It runs through your body. It induces shivers, emotion, thrashing, pain. All before it can be accepted and released.

    And this process is universally difficult. Having a sanctuary to conduct this kind of work is essential for it to go well.

    The reason why a monogamous relationship is more beneficial for this is because of the strength of that sanctuary. The amount of time, and energy put into the relationship with that human being makes the dividends pay off closest to home. It allows for the kind of complete trust and support that allow that deep work to be done.

    See, in a polyamorous relationship, there is depth, sure. But it takes just as long to foster that as with a monogamous relationship. And in a lot of ways it takes even more time, because the amount of time and energy you must invest in another human being is huge before those kinds of payoffs come.

    Sure, it’s “possible” to reach that state with any human being, but on a practical level that’s the exception, not the rule.

    And don’t get me wrong, I have never shied away from challenge, or the opportunity to grow and understand all kinds of people. But it is not easy.

    Each human being is connected to trillions of different astral dimensions at the same time. Those dimensions contain all of what we are and are destined to interact with.

    But the act of sex is a soul-level binding where massive quantities of dynamic spiritual energy come together to generate life.

    That binding is a handshake with a companion of destiny. You’re agreeing to share their karmic burdens, and they’re sharing yours. That’s how you help each other to grow.

    Now, if you have multiple partners, you’re sharing vast quantities of karmic burdens with them.

    This is difficult to deal with! I’m not saying its bad, as I don’t believe that challenge is a bad thing, but it is difficult.

    And that difficulty breaks the spirit out of a place of inner calm and simplicity.

    I.E. it denies you of your ability to do your deepest healing work (at least for 99.9999% of people)

    I don’t know about you, but that’s not worth it.

    Now as for children, that’s a whole different thing entirely. I don’t feel like writing it all out. But as a parent, its your job to define the world for your child, and nurture a healthy relationship with their darmas and your karma. That’s why kids always are asking “why”. Its because they have no reference point for the world.

    Well, you as an adult become literally responsible for locating your progeny in the places where they can make the greatest leaps in their life.

    And I don’t know about you, but I’ve never met a person who was traumatized deeply in their youth who hasn’t spent a great amount of time suffering to heal those wounds. Most people never do, and those wounds get passed on to their kids!

    So if you’re in a poly relationship, and every single partner is as complex and intricate to deal with as each other one, all that energetic complexity gets passed directly into the space of your kids. Who are in the middle of trying to define the universe, and wondering why all these bizarre vibes are floating into their space.

    Kids don’t have good answers for that, so they create reality to suit that complexity.

    This manifests itself in subconscious filters, and very deep karmic relationships which are very difficult to remove. And can’t be removed without? You guessed it, simplicity.

    Its not that monogamy hasn’t harbored some very deep, nasty sins of this world. But these things don’t need monogamy to manifest. People have been being horrible to each other since well before marriage was even a concept. That happens because we’re animals, not because we’re only keeping one partner.

    Establishing cause and effect in this universe is so monumentally difficult its best not to even try to comprehend it. In all sincerity, understanding it means grasping the unknowningness of it.

    I appreciate the sincerity by which you’ve voiced your opinions Erika. I don’t agree with you, but we’re not meant to agree. That’s the nature of the subjective universe. The dimensions you’re representing where polyamory is the way have a right to be heard. Part of the whole healing of everything thing is making peace with all the component parts.

    And in an idealized universe, where only the realms you are coming from are represented, your ideal is beautiful and powerful. Genuine and full of love.

    But this universe is all things. All things are real, just as they’re all fake. And here that means that you can never escape from how ugly this place can be. The minute you think you’ve conquered it, it jumps up to bite your face off and to humble you into accepting all things.

    In this world, expansion and constriction are equally valid. To best survive, you have to acknowledge both.

    Regards,
    Madison Dines

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Now simplicity … THAT is a great topic to bring into this Madison. Thank you. I feel tempted to engage you right now yet I feel sleepy so I’m gonna rest first and circle back tomorrow.

      Simplicity is a huge value I share with you, I don’t really believe monogamy gives it to us though … not at the end of the day, not the way we can have simplicity WITHOUT monogamy. ‘Til soon. xoxo

      • Thomas Franklin says:

        I believe it is much simpler to engage in a relationship with anyone with whom you feel an attraction to, than it is to fight against those attractions to maintain monogamy within a single relationship. Life was much, much simpler before I got married than after.

      • Madison Dines says:

        In an infinite universe, the answer to every single question is “Yes”, “No”, and “Maybe” all at the same time. The fact is, the realms that you play in determine what version of that apparent paradox show up in your life.

        It could be argued and debated that monogamy is more simple. It could also be argued as less simple. Same with polyamory. Neither answer is right, on a universal basis anyways. But in my experience and observation, the move towards a more open relationship has a lot more to do with avoidance of emotional responsibility and the investment in a deeper relationship. Visually, I see it as more of a strip-mine, and less like a tunneling mine that burrows deep into a mountain.

        And really it comes down to simple math. If you have one person you spend 24 hours a day with, versus 2 people you’re spending 12 hours a day with, what relationship will be deeper?

        Well naturally, the one where more time is invested into the equation.

        See, one major flaw in some of the conventional spiritual discussions these days is on the infinite nature of energy and opportunity. The power of incredible visualization and manifestation.

        Well, certainly, energy and opportunity are infinite. However, there are very specific rules that this plane operates on. Things only happen through work. Things only ever, ever happen through work on this plane. Even spiritual rewards that appear seemingly out of nowhere, your deeds, thoughts, and choices bring those things in to you.

        But those things are rare. And so manifestation doesn’t happen without a lot of hard work and effort.

        I mean, look at the personal life of the vast majority of the Festie kids who talk about manifestation, the power of intention, etc.

        Where are their giant piles of security and success? That’s right. They are hard to spot, and for many they don’t even exist.

        This is because the physical world is supreme in the lives of us as human beings. If you’re a woman, and you go outside in Saudi Arabia without a man, it doesn’t matter what you think of your power of manifestation, they’re gonna stone you to death.

        The physical world has a very persistent mechanism for reminding you that your biggest need is to pay attention to it. Not your life in the Astral.

        It makes you need to eat, drink water, sleep, pee, shit, all kinds of things. You’ll freeze to death when exposed. You’ll suffocate with no air.

        And for us, time has a supremacy of its own. Sure, I recognize and understand that my Astral self is flying faster than the speed of light, but I cannot reproduce those conditions on earth.

        Likewise you can never take two relationships where you’re spending 12 hours a day, and equate it to one relationship that you’re spending 24 hours a day on. You just don’t have the time to really dig into the subject matter at hand.

        There’s a concept in mathematics on the nature of infinity, and I find it illustrates my point nicely. So everyone knows that infinity means that numbers never end. But did you know that there is also infinity between zero and one? In fact, the amount of infinities that can fit between zero and one is greater than the amount of infinities that can fit between zero and infinity.

        And the universe, while it might be infinite in an expansive manner, its also infinite on a small scale too.

        And the thing is, the small scale is where its at. Where do you find most personal problems? On being small. On feeling down about yourself. Of feeling weak and incapable. On feeling like the world has an agenda that its pushing on you.

        Sounds to me like big infinity is great for perking you up. What with everything being gigantic and endless and all that. That’s pretty encouraging.

        But the little infinity, the infinitely small and weak is the place where our suffering goes to hide. You can’t go there if you can’t explore the deep, nitty-gritty details.

        Indeed, as the Universe was birthed out of a state of calm, it began to fractallize endlessly upon itself. The parts that fractallized the least are the closest to the pure truth of god.

        The parts that fractallized the most though, got so far away from god as to believe it doesn’t exist, or has forsaken them. Sound familiar to our pains and traumas?

        So there’s the gist of it. You need to go digging deep to get to those really good pieces of healing. And any relationship where you’re not investing as much time as you could? Don’t count on finding your depths in that place.

      • James Morgan says:

        The simplicity in choosing only one is rooted in the illusion that each possible partner is different. Of course they are different, but only at the surface. At the end of the day, we are all very, very similar. One could argue that developing the capacity to connect intimately with more than one, many, or even all, at the depth of what is typically considered to exist only within the bounds of monogamy is both a greater challenge and a deeper learning. Would an enlightened being be less capable of that kind of depth and simplicity simply because he is dealing with the energy of a different person than she dealt with yesterday? [pronoun switch intended]
        Or… How about this? Could god love many people in all ways, including sexually, and find the simplicity you speak of? Of course he could. And since “Thou art god”,** we also have that capacity.
        **From ‘Stranger in a Strange Land’

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I appreciate your contribution James and still I am going to hold the line against self-deception. Monogamy is exclusion and exclusion is fear. There is no way monogamy will ever reach the depth of Oneness because it violates the laws of God. And I will never settle for anything less than simplicity so you can be sure I would not be advocating poly unless I could feel that greater simplicity can be attained.

        After all, monogamy is a horribly cumbersome system. Because everything is kept separate, all the pressure and work of a separate household and child-rearing and all the rest falls on one or two people (in the case of the ever-prevalent divorce). In a conscious community, all that can be shared. Not only is it more fun, it’s simpler and easier.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        And maybe that does mesh with what you wrote – please share if I am aligning with you on this :)

      • Jen says:

        This is utter stupidity. So if I am “inclusive” by allowing all penises to enter my vagina, this is the opposite of fear then, this is courage? Self-delusion indeed, but it’s yours.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        How about loving everyone equally and not having penetrative sex with anyone?

  34. Kerry Kydd says:

    ps, read "a brave new world"….

    • sara says:

      Yeah exactly what I was thinking. I think it’s totally okay if you want to be in an open relationship. I think it’s possible and lots of people, if they work hard at it, can do it healthily… the same exact way people have to work hard and be healthy about monogamous relationships. But calling everyone in a monogamous relationship is racist? What the hell? What kind of terrible thing is that to say? You’re comparing people living in one perfectly fine lifestyle to freaking segregation and yourself to Rosa freaking Parks?! Not to mention in order to immediately negate what anyone in the comments has to say, you say anyone who says otherwise is racist. Way to promote open discussion. It’s almost like you want to make people angry and call them “uncomfortable” with your fabulous new world order. Get off your high horse and open up your mind before you ask me to open up mine.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Yes, I am. Monogamy and racial segregation are exactly the same thing. Separating ourselves from our brothers and sisters based on fear and hate.

  35. Kerry Kydd says:

    You go on about "sharing" I don't want to share my body wie anybody else. I'm on the spectrum, and the thought of having to deal wie someone new, emotionally terrifies me, plus 'im lazy! So just say, you get the world you want, wie monogamy gone, where do i fit in? I dont want to have sex wie anybody else, its a personal preference. My Hubby, does great things to me, but it took 17 years and counting, to get to this fantastic place we are at now in our sexual lives…. Im just no up for teaching a new recruit the moves that i like, pal!

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Kerry,

      LOL, well I hear you. I mean we all have fear and the temptation to disguise our fear as laziness. We all wonder where we will fit in. What I personally found is that when I gave up trying to fit in, I discovered something I had lost in all those years of striving to have a conventional job or relationship. I found freedom. And now I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

      • kerry says:

        If i was to do exactly what you said to do, to go and fuck around, ….where would that leave my husband and my two sons? Its not just about one person. The romans fucked about, and they where by no means peaceful! Im gonna stop reading now. Ive wasted enough of my time on this. Im awa back to my comfy cosy, loving life with my one guy… who is my best friend. have a nice life.

      • Thomas Franklin says:

        I agree with Erika here. releasing fear of what other think of you provides you with a profound and life affirming freedom. It is one of the essential steps to true happiness. People used to always ask me why I was always smiling. Why I was always in a good mood. It’s because I was free of the worry about what others think about me. This should extend to body-image. This should extend to racial makeup. This should extend to societal standards of attractiveness. This should extend to financial and social standing. All aspects of your life. Once you let go of the fear of what others think (it’s born of a fear of derision potentially leading to being ostracized) you will be surprised at what you will be capable of doing.

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