All right, some of the ruckus has abated, so let’s continue our examination into the insanity of monogamy …
No, that is not too strong of a word. Insanity. That’s what monogamy is. Let’s look at just how hypnotized the ego has people when it comes to sex …
First of all, what happened when I began posting about the ridiculousness of monogamy on Facebook. I said that people were choosing monogamy out of fear, and only out of fear, which many people denied. Yet, when I asked them more questions about why they were choosing monogamy, the answers were pretty much all along these lines:
- I “choose” monogamy because I’m scared of diseases
- I “choose” monogamy because I’m scared of growing old alone
- I “choose” monogamy because I don’t see any other choices when it comes to raising children
- I “choose” monogamy because I’m scared I won’t have enough money to raise my children
Well, guess what, folks … THAT is exactly what I’ve been talking about in this series of articles (you can read Part 1 re Monogamy, part 2 re Monogamy and Death, and part 3 re Monogamy by clicking on these links). You are “choosing” monogamy out of fear, and a choice made out of fear is not really a choice at all. Choices can only be made out of freedom. And freedom means owning your full power and being fearless.
And then, of course, there are the people who are “choosing” monogamy because they are still under the delusion of “specialness,” which is ego and fear pure and simple no matter how it is dressed up. This is also fear of death, but it shows up like this:
- I “choose” monogamy because I’m not attracted to most people
- I “choose” monogamy because my partner is special, and I only want to have sex with him or her
- I “choose” monogamy because I believe I can only have this depth of connection with one person
Never mind that your relationship with any one person can only be as good as your relationship with EVERYONE. And that when you say you are not attracted to most people, and you find many people “unappealing” and better to avoid, all you are doing is judging YOURSELF, which means you hate yourself and have terrible self-esteem.
Just how hypnotized does the ego have us?
Let’s think about this in the clear light of day.
- Would you promise to eat at only one restaurant for the rest of your life, come what may?
- Would you promise to enter only one building, ever, for the rest of your life, come what may?
- Would you insist that you are only going to shake one person’s hand for the rest of your life, come what may?
No. You wouldn’t. These ideas are ridiculous. And yet every day all over the world people spend thousands of dollars hosting and attending weddings where “happy” couples promise to imprison themselves in special relationships for the rest of their lives, “forsaking all others” and only having sex with one person FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE.
This is INSANITY. Do you ever stop to question why the divorce rate and the cheating rate are SO high? And all the ridiculous misery that is created by the “broken” promises in marriage when one partner feels drawn to someone “outside” the marriage.
Have you noticed that the phrase “serial monogamy” already contains the problem with in, that you are ASSUMING the relationship will not last, and that once you have “used up” this partner, you will move on to the next, in a series of UNREAL relationships that end badly and bring no real satisfaction to anybody.
It is time to wake up. A holy relationship, as A Course in Miracles describes it, must be shared with the world to be sustainable. A holy relationship is permanent, and it will make you happy. The possibility of permanence comes from non-exclusivity. Because the relationship does not exclude the world, it can contain the world instead. And when the entire world is contained in the relationship, there is never any need to “move on” or “abandon” a partner.
As ACIM says, “Under the Holy Spirit’s teaching, all of your relationships are total commitments, and do not conflict with each other in any way.”
All over the world, day in and day out, people sacrifice freedom for “commitment” by entering into these unholy “unions.” And then they sacrifice commitment for “freedom” by breaking their “vows” and ending the relationships. In a never ending cycle of pain, misery, and limitation. And ALL OF IT, start to finish, is ego, pure and simple. You are marching to your own death by making these choices.
There is no need to “choose” between freedom and commitment. It is possible to have both. The relationship is not holy and not sustainable unless you have both.
“How can you grant unlimited power to what you think you have attacked? So fearful has the truth become to you that unless it is weak and little, you would not dare to look upon it. You think it safer to endow the little self you made with power you wrested from truth, triumphing over it and leaving it helpless. See how exactly is this ritual enacted in the special relationship. An altar is erected in between two separate people, on which each seeks to kill his self, and on his body raise another self to take its power from his death. Over and over and over this ritual is enacted. And it is never completed, nor ever will be completed. The ritual of completion cannot complete, for life arises not from death, nor Heaven from hell.
“Whenever any form of special relationship tempts you to seek for love in ritual, remember love is content, and not form of any kind. The special relationship is a ritual of form, aimed at raising the form to take the place of God at the expense of content. There is no meaning in the form, and there will never be. The special relationship must be recognized for what it is; a senseless ritual in which strength is extracted from the death of God, and invested in His killer as the sign that form has triumphed over content, and love has lost its meaning. Would you want this to be possible, even apart from its evident impossibility? If it were possible, you would have made yourself helpless. God is not angry. He merely could not let this happen. You cannot change His Mind. No rituals that you have set up in which the dance of death delights you can bring death to the eternal. Nor can your chosen substitute for the Wholeness of God have any influence at all upon it.
“See in the special relationship nothing more than a meaningless attempt to raise other gods before Him, and by worshipping them to obscure their tininess and His greatness. In the name of your completion YOU DO NOT WANT THIS. For every idol that you raise to place before Him stands before you, in place of what you are.”
- A Course in Miracles
A holy relationship, which is the only kind of relationship you really want, excludes NO ONE. This is what makes it holy. And sex, if it is to continue as a practice, must be shared to be holy. It must not be separated off and carried with guilt to your separate bedroom, where you hide it from the world in shame. By living in shame, you are choosing death. For the love of God, stop choosing death. Open your relationship to the world.
How wonderful it feels to be on Facebook and see “in an open relationship.” What a breath of fresh air that feels like. Ah, these people would include me and the world in their partnership.
How sickening it feels to be around “special” relationships. The air is thick with guilt and shame and judgment.
“It is impossible to let the past go without relinquishing the special relationship. For the special relationship is an attempt to re-enact the past and change it. Imagined slights, remembered pain, past disappointments, perceived injustices and deprivations all enter into the special relationship, which becomes a way in which you seek to restore your wounded self-esteem. What basis would you have for choosing a special partner without the past? Every such choice is made because of something ‘evil’ in the past to which you cling, and for which must someone else atone.”
- A Course in Miracles
Tune into the feelings. You may have buried the fear and guilt of the special relationship deeply in your unconscious mind, but if you tune into the feelings, you will no longer be able to deceive yourself. Do not allow the ego to hypnotize you any longer.
The holy relationship looks entirely different, and you must learn to recognize it if you want your true power to be returned to you:
“The Holy Spirit, ever practical in His wisdom, accepts your dreams and uses them as means for waking. You would have used them to remain asleep. I said before that the first change, before dreams disappear, is that your dreams of fear are changed to happy dreams. That is what the Holy Spirit does in the special relationship. He does not destroy it, nor snatch it away from you. The special relationship will remain, not as a source of pain and guilt, but as a source of joy and freedom. It WILL NOT BE FOR YOU ALONE, for therein lay its misery. As its unholiness kept it a thing apart, its holiness will become AN OFFERING FOR EVERYONE.”
- A Course in Miracles
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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