I’ve written about my ideal relationship on this blog before.
Here’s something I’ve noticed lately. If I’m feeling really connected and safe with a guy, then the idea of him being with other women actually turns me on! It seems exciting and interesting and a way for me to connect more deeply with him.
Whereas, if I start to feel less connected or fearful, then the idea of it is horrifying, and I don’t want to hear about it, and I kinda shut down.
So I’m really curious what other people’s experiences have been with this … please share by commenting. Thank you!
Compersion: is a term that originated among practitioners of polyamory and is used to describe feeling pleasure or joy because one's romantic partner is experiencing pleasure or joy,even if the source of their pleasure is other than yourself.
Myself, I'm a bi female, and seeing my man having sex with another woman gets me so hot!!
However, i feel very threatened by
Sex is one of the most pure, uncomplicated, unfettered desires you will ever experience in your life. It’s on par with eating, sleeping and breathing in terms of the purity of purpose. We are machines, in the end, built with the expressed purpose of fucking and spreading our genetic material.
Complications around sex are intellectual or ecclisiastical constructs. We “think” sex into
another option is to ‘transcend’ lust. thus one would be able to fully be with their girl/guy without being clouded by fantasies of others. not an easy path, but it has incentives such a ‘pure’ lovemaking and freedom from the slavery of biological/animal impulses.
Erika, I am in my first monogamously focused relationship since my divorce 10 years ago.
I agree with you that when I am feeling deeply connected with a man, the idea of sharing him with another woman can be titillating. However, it also can bring serious instability to the relationship, running the risk of emotional trauma and heart-break.
As you posted on your
Thanks, Rick. Yeah, I’m a pair-bondy kind of girl too.
Thanks, GS. And thanks too for your sweet emails. They mean more to me right now than you know! Look forward to seeing you in Austin.
Rick — Great attitude; healthy, articulate, and without presumption.
Erika — I like these thoughts! Great relationships are deliberately designed; like beautiful homes and gardens.
GoneSavage,
My wife and I have a relationship much like that which you describe… we consider it under the broad umbrella of ‘swinging’, although as you alluded to there’s about a dozen different definitions of what that is.
Our decision (and it was a conscious one, deliberated and discussed at length) was based largely on practical grounds: we love each other deeply, but
hey GS,
Thanks for a very deep comment, you asked a lot of questions that will help me and others get more in touch with what we really want.
For me, I’m going to love everyone. So the idea of sex that is emotionally unconnected doesn’t appeal to me, even in the context of polyamory. Perhaps you are right to say that doesn’t even count as polyamory, which means “many loves
Guys like The Coolidge Effect because it excuses promiscuity. But it’s a really poor starting point for any exploration in polyamory.
Rick is right. “Poly people are ’emotionally promiscuous’ by design. Swingers are emotionally MONOGAMOUS, despite fucking other people.”
Polyamory means having more than one LOVING relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and
hi Gayla,
I feel inspired hearing that, and I’m so glad that the blog has been a part of your blossoming into what sounds like a very beautiful relationship.
Kisses right back at ya …
love,
Erika
Hi Erika!
I’m loving being with a man who is all love, very healing and has multiple lovers… I am grateful for how he introduced me to his life and our bonding dance… I feel safe, open and free! Lovemaking is a blessing, healthy and freeing… playful… sweet…
The “Secret” = Transparency!!!+ Genuine Love = Bliss
Thanks for writing this blog so I could explore
Oh, and PS – There’s a biiiiiig difference between polly people and swingers.
Poly people are “emotionally promiscuous” by design.
Swingers are emotionally MONOGAMOUS, despite fucking other people.
Hey Erika,
I’ve known a few “polly people”. In my experience, there’s a certain lack of stability in the relationships that form. Things are much more amorphous when you can fall in and out of love with several people.
In my experience, for relationships to have any real longevity, you need to endure hardship together as well as enjoy the good times. Polly people have no
All women are whores. They call their whoredom “polyamoury” etc.
It’s too bad I can’t read Entropy’s blog anymore. Sounds like an intriguing post. Oh well.
Anyway, I don’t see a lot of roosters having insane heart chakra connections with hens … so I’m not sure it’s really applicable. :-p
Here is the Coolidge effect: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect
You think we’re kooky, Eight?
It sounds appealing to me within the context of a primary permanent relationship. Like Motorcycle Guy has. Otherwise, not for me.
An ex-girlfriend of mine told me once how she would love to see me have sex with another girl. I responded quizzically, “wouldn’t you feel jealous?” She replied, “I dunno. I don’t think so. I think it’d be HOT!”
My lips are sealed on what that led to ;)
From her perspective, it was like a form of validation.. Like finding a really awesome book and wanting to share it with
Wiki “The Coolidge Effect.” I just learned about it. I’m actually going to post about it today.