More on Push-Pull (and, btw, Eight has reignited my love of the Game)

Yes, bit by bit, my regular playful and happy self is starting to reemerge. And behind the scenes, Eight — who is pretty amazing with women — has been reigniting my love of the game.

Last night I went out with Player Girl and Czech Girl (who, btw, is still dating that guy we met up in Squaw). Almost the first thing Player Girl said when I got in the car was, I’ve been reading your blog, and I love that Push-Pull article. We talked about how push-pull works just as well for girls as it does for guys.

You know what else I *love* about push-pull? It’s so freakin’ HONEST. It’s a way of dancing with the fear of connection that we all have until it no longer feels scary, and instead it starts to feel FUN.

Why is it that some guys can come on strong with me and it feels good to me, and other guys can come on strong and it feels extremely uncomfortable so that I tend to want to escape?

I have observed this carefully, and I have a theory. Usually one of the guys is doing push-pull, and the other guy is doing something that doesn’t feel as balanced. The push-pull guy’s advances feel more natural, more playful, and more comfortable. The other guy’s advances feel scary because, in a way, they are less honest. His bravado feels like a cover-up for what’s really going on. It feels like, if he were in touch with his own authentic feelings, he would be expressing more … push-pull.

Does this make any sense at all?

One thing I’ve found very liberating from compassionate communication (empathy) that ties in with this is giving myself permission to feel torn. Very often, if I honestly check in with myself, I don’t feel ALL one way about something or ALL the other way. Instead, part of me feels excited about something, and part of me feels terrified.

Now … if I’m feeling that sort of inner conflict, and I try to go out and pretend that I don’t, guess what often happens? Whatever my objective is, I’m only partially successful. Why? Because I’m not congruent.

What is often very powerful in these situations, though, is acknowledging and expressing the inner conflict … to give a trivial example, some nights part of me wants to go out and part of me wants to stay in. Often by simply articulating that conflict to myself, it will become more clear to me whether I really want to go out or stay in.

Often with a man, part of me is really excited about exploring things, and part of me has doubts or reservations. If he comes in like a bulldozer, it feels to me like the doubting/reserved parts don’t get to be expressed, and I find myself backing away to restore the space I need to resolve my own inner conflicts.

So … see … this is part of the power of push-pull. It gives both people the space to have their doubts and reservations and also move forward at the same time. It’s pretty magical stuff. :-)

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. Hi Manwhore,

    Thanks for commenting :-)

    If you want to write a guest article sometime and teach us how to really push and pull, that might be fun …

    I’m (kinda) excited to see you at 21 Convention! ;-)


  2. Jonathan says:

    Well Erika-

    I’m impressed with this article. I think I just learned something.


  3. Anonymous says:

    Hi Erika!

    This articulates it really well! Lately, I’ve been aware of letting the film play itself out without any resistance from me… I watch the light and shadow dance inside my mind and realize, I am not my mind… when intimate, allowing the flow to move through me without getting stuck on the beauty or the fear… I have a feeling I’m going to continue to arrive in the peace

  4. Doug,

    Would you be willing to give me more clarity about what you mean by “show you new things”? It would also be helpful to me if you gave some examples of what you enjoyed.


  5. Doug Lance says:

    I like when you show me new things, but all your telling posts are YAWWWWN boring.

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