Is It Possible to Have Egoless Sex?

That is the question on the table, and I am enjoying the question so much that I’m going to percolate for a while before addressing it. I welcome your comments in the meantime, to help me find some clarity about this issue.

Why is having sex any different than having a nice meal or a nice Starbucks hazelnut cappuccino, for example? Why couldn’t one become so detached from the outcome and actually use sex as a way to become more present and wake up from the dream?

Red Leader wrote a really intriguing piece about this on his September 17, 2008 blog: Also, Red Leader and Fran both provided very thought-provoking comments to my earlier blogs about this subject:

The Belief System Behind Sex – Are We Ready to Let This Go? and

Why I Practice Celibacy

I will say this about egoless sex. I am pretty convinced by now that exclusive relationships are not in line with the Course in Miracles, so unless someone changes my mind about what the Course in Miracles is saying, I wouldn’t even consider having one:

“5 It is sure that those who select certain ones as partners in any aspect of living, and use them for any purpose which they would not share with others, are trying to live with guilt rather than die of it. 6 This is the choice they see. 7 And love, to them, is only an escape from death. 8 They seek it desperately, but not in the peace in which it would gladly come quietly to them. 9 And when they find the fear of death is still upon them, the love relationship loses the illusion that it is what it is not. 10 When the barricades against it are broken, fear rushes in and hatred triumphs.”

Love is freedom. To look for it by placing yourself in bondage is to separate yourself from it. For the Love of God, no longer seek for union in separation, nor for freedom in bondage! As you release, so will you be released. Forget this not, or Love will be unable to find you and comfort you.”

“Those who choose freedom will experience only its results. Their power is of God, and they will give it only to what God has given, to share with them. Nothing but this can touch them, for they see only this, sharing their power according to the Will of God. And thus their freedom is established and maintained. It is upheld through all temptation to imprison and to be imprisoned. It is of them who learned of freedom that you should ask what freedom is. Ask not the sparrow how the eagle soars, for those with little wings have not accepted for themselves the power to share with you.”

– A Course in Miracles

So is it possible to have egoless sex? Ok, let the percolating begin … :-)

Meanwhile, I wanted to share an experience last night. I did such a crappy parking job on Scott Street (seriously, it took ten minutes, and I’m usually a pretty efficient parker) that I got a standing ovation from some guys at the nearby bar. My old self probably would have been feeling embarrassed. It shows me how much things have changed. I just laughed, felt happy that I could provide them some entertainment, and got out of the car and took a bow.

One of the guys shouted “that was priceless.” :-)


erika awakening