This is a tongue in cheek post, because if you remember from an earlier post, I don’t believe in labels.
Nonetheless, because this seems to be a hot topic at the moment, and several friends have suggested that perhaps I am a “player” who doesn’t care about having a committed deeper relationship, I am going to address this here.
First off, I note with some humor the difference in reactions that I’m getting.
Mogul Guy (MG from earlier post) is representative of one camp. Here is a snippet of our text conversation:
Me: I might need s’more sexual healing ;-)
Him: You mean you want to have sex with a different one of my friends?
[Note: MG can’t see me at this moment, but my mouth literally dropped open. MG does have a way of putting things in the bluntest possible light.]
Me: Lol. Not necessarily. Just cuz it’s part of my life purpose to be in the seduction community doesn’t mean I am a player. You guys seem to have the wrong idea.
Him: Have you asked yourself why you have such a fascination with the PUA? I really don’t get it. I look at people for their core. ttul.
Me: So do I, goofball. …
Him: What if all I focused on was dating and attracting strippers? Would that seem odd?
Me: LMAO. Strippers need love too, Mogul Guy.
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Ok, now let’s contrast MG’s response with someone else’s perspective:
Me: btw, I’m now getting flak for hanging out with PUAs and being a “player.”
Him: LOL! The irony is amazing. You are a player, and it’s wonderful. Game respect game. You have a truckload of [guys] after you and if they can’t handle having the tables turned on them, then so be it.
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Now … I’m going to address the stereotypes about PUAs in a separate post, cuz I don’t think they are really accurate. I feel sad when I see people judging the seduction community without understanding the contribution it is making to the world.
Assuming for the moment though that my guy friends are defining “player” as someone who plays the field and is not interested in deeper connections, then I am most definitely NOT a player. I am very open to having a committed LTR. As I’ve said before, I am really intrigued by the possibility of exploring deeper emotional and physical intimacy with one partner.
I also realize that it is one of life’s great paradoxes that you are most likely to find that awesome LTR when you have an abundance mentality and lots of options. As Jeffy said over on RSDN, “If you want to get the one special girl, you have to know how to get ALL of them.” IMO, the same principle applies to girls.
Or as Jesus said, “To those who have, more shall be given.”
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Oh, and also please see my Erika Goes to Vegas update HERE. We have some very exciting blog times ahead, my friends :-)
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Meanwhile, in a very interesting turn of fate, the guy from the original How to Seduce a Celibate Girl posts has returned to the scene and may be coming to Vegas with me. What an adventure life is turning out to be!
Love,
What happens in Vegas…
I would agree, Erika, on your assessment that you are more likely to find a LTR while dating many people. That is definitely how it happened with me, before I hit one that felt “right”.
I also disagree with Anonymous about the guy having to sleep with someone before making a long-term commitment. As far as relationships go, the only “rule” I know of is that there are no set hard and fast rules.
Who cares if you label yourself a player? It is just a label. The risk of a LTR is yours to take or not depending on what is right to do at each point. Man, we, meaning human race, really get wrapped around the axles with labels and roles. Why do people hate other people’s freedom so much? How does it detract from them?
hi Dan,
Nice to hear from you again.
And while you’re at it could you join in the chorus of my male friends who seem to be appalled and quite judgmental about my upcoming Vegas trip? Angels that they all are….
I’m joking, of course. Today more than ever I am reminded of Marshall Rosenberg’s wisdom: “I predict that you will be a lot happier and live a lot longer if you never ever hear what anyone else thinks of you.”
Amen. Vegas, here I come. :-)
You're a female player? I will now judge you based on my pre-conceived gender roles.
>:(
Anonymous, sweetheart —
Thank you for commenting but I respectfully disagree with almost everything you said.
I’ve had marriage proposals from extremely successful guys with whom I’ve never hooked up. And I had sex with a guy without formal commitment because I wanted to give us the freedom to explore the connection without any baggage.
A man doesn’t need to “try me out” physically to know whether he wants to be with me. If I have sex, I do it because I want to — not to “earn” a man’s love.
Finally, I’m all for expanding my comfort zone, but I disagree that my heart will ever be broken again. Suffering is an illusion, and it’s one I don’t buy into anymore. Passing sadness, sure. But happiness is my function.
Nothing outside of me can take my happiness away from me because it doesn’t come from a man. It comes from God.
I have two observations:
First observation:
A person doesn’t have to sleep with lots of people to be a player.
It is becoming painfully obvious from your blog postings that you revel in the attention you are receiving from so many men. The feeling I get from reading your blog is that you are using this attention, and the responses to it that people post on here (those responses are themselves a type of attention), as a form of validation.
Second observation:
You often speak of being “very open” to having a committed LTR. Yet you seem unwilling to take on any of the risk; I don’t see a willingness from you to meet a potential partner halfway.
What do I mean by this? No man who has any self-respect will ever enter into an LTR before sleeping with the girl at least once (though I dare say most men will require several weeks or months of sex with her before being able to fully commit).
You clearly don’t want to have sex with anyone until you are already certain they are committed to being in an LTR with you.
Reality doesn’t work like that. You are destined to remain single unless you accept more of the risk that comes with exploring a potential relationship. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Sure, your heart will get broken at some point, but you will eventually find someone that makes it all worth it. But only if you start taking on some of the risk.