How dissociating from feelings sabotages your love life, and what to do about it

For those who are curious about the PUA World Summit, which was awesome, stay tuned because I’m planning to write an article this weekend. Among other things, I want to tell you about my brief What Is Holistic Belief Reprogramming? encounter with Marni Wing from the Wing Girl Method. She is a really cool girl, and one of the few other female coaches in the seduction community. Full report this weekend.

Also, I’m seeing Johnny tonight and will report back on that :-)


For now, though, I want to talk about a theme that has been coming up with Erika Awakening Coaching Page, and which I never hear talked about in the community: Dissociation.

Now, I’m not a doctor or therapist, and when I use the term “dissociation,” although it’s related to how that term is used in psychology, I’m really talking about a spiritual idea.

Dissociation is the original separation from God. A Course in Miracles has the following to say about dissociation:

Can you be separated from your identification and be at peace? Dissociation is NOT a solution; it is a delusion. The delusional believe that truth will assail them, and so they do not see it because they prefer the delusion. Judging truth as something they do not want, they perceive deception and block knowledge. Help them by offering them your unified will on their behalf, as I am offering you mine on yours. Alone we can do nothing, but together our wills fuse into something whose power is far beyond the power of its separate parts.

By not being separate, the Will of God is established in ours and as ours. This will is invincible because it is undivided. The undivided will of the Sonship is the perfect creator, being wholly in the likeness of God, Whose Will it is. You cannot be exempt from it, if you are to understand what it is and what you are. By separating your will from mine, you are exempting yourself from the Will of God which is yourself.

Dissociation is how we created the Shadow Self, which now continues to haunt us until we make it conscious again and reclaim our power over it. But the way dissociation manifests in practical terms is two-fold:

(1) As separation from ourselves (the suppression of painful feelings and thoughts, which are then projected outward onto the world); and

(2) As separation from other people and the world (if we are not intimate with ourselves, it is impossible to be intimate with anyone else).

If you are trying to improve your love life, but are unwilling to feel and face your darker feelings and thoughts, your situation is indeed hopeless. The only way to heal the separation between ourselves and other people is to go DEEP INTO THE DARKNESS, become present with it and heal it, and emerge whole and healed. The farther along in this process we go, the higher our capacity for intimacy and the more our presence heals others.

Successful pickup artists (PUAs) and Sirens are the ones who have done the most self healing. People naturally want to be around them because their vibe is unified, congruent, and literally HEALS other people.

Anything we are avoiding owns us. It is impossible to escape from suffering by avoiding people or ideas that make us uncomfortable. This is why I embrace being triggered. Every time we get triggered, it is an opportunity to heal something in ourselves.

If we shut out the uncomfortable feelings, we are perpetuating dissociation. Those uncomfortable feelings don’t go away. They fester in the darkness and feed the Shadow Self. We will see more darkness in our projections (this shows up as people and situations that seem to want to attack us).

In Matrix 3, Neo finally realized that he was never going to “win” by attacking Agent Smith. Attack only perpetuates the dark side. The only way out of this mess is integration. Integration is healing. We must face the Agent Smith inside us and integrate him into our whole self.

When we do that, we become all powerful.

We are finally seeing the truth. That there is nothing outside of ourselves, that we created everything we see, and as its Creator, we have dominion over it.

“Nothing outside yourself can save you. Nothing outside yourself can give you peace.”

“There is nothing outside you. That is what you must ultimately learn, for it is the realization that the Kingdom of Heaven is restored to you.”

– A Course in Miracles

For more on my teachings about making the Shadow Self conscious and reclaiming our power over it, please view my free video footage from the 21 Convention by going here. My coaching page is Erika Awakening Coaching Page.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. Dear John…

    the "neutrality" thing is not a cold neutrality but an inspired "neutrality" more like LOVE than "neutrality" really…

  2. As I said elsewhere…

    I have a question about this "neutrality" — Is it that feelings about the memory are gone (which seems to me like someone is choosing to not care about a relevant past experience), or that the feelings have changed so that for the particular time you work with the memory or feelings you create this momentary 3rd-party observer experience? Does that

  3. Thanks for the comments :-)

    Anonymous, you heal it by becoming an energy transformer. You learn techniques to transform energy instead of staying in the old cycle of blame, shame, and guilt.

    My primary tools are meditation, practicing presence, Emotional Freedom Technique, non-violent communication, and A Course in Miracles.

  4. quality post, definitely something to think about.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I totally understand that when someone triggers something in us or pushes one of our buttons its an opportunity to heal that button but once you embrace that opportunity, what then?? How do you heal that?

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