I’m not going to write much about this today because it’s a work in progress …
Sex has taken on its proper role in my life as totally secondary to relationship, and as of right now that means it has no role at all. I have made a commitment within myself not to have sex again until it is within the container of a permanent relationship. In the past, I’ve made this same decision more tentatively, but at that time I did not yet have the clarity and commitment that I have now. Which led to second-guessing and wavering. Now this decision is 100% solid. I simply am not interested in sex unless it’s within the container of a permanently committed relationship. This is not negotiable.
The ego just “allows things to happen” and then decides later whether it likes the outcome or not. Usually it does not like the outcome and complains about it. The Higher Self decides on the outcome ahead of time and ensures that what is desired is what is created. Then nobody has any reason to be unhappy. It’s a much more peaceful way to live one’s life.
(Now, please, do not be one of these people who says, “But, Erika, you are contradicting yourself because you also talk about open relationships.” NO. I am not contradicting myself. I still want an open relationship. But it’s going to be a permanently committed, absolutely 100% solid relationship first. Its openness will be possible because its strength and durability is already there. There is no contradiction here so please do not be confused about this.)
My mind is made up about this, and so it shall be.
When the naysayers show up, I just use the naysaying as an opportunity to make my intention stronger and more congruent. There were lots of naysayers along the way with all the other goals I’ve accomplished. Naysaying is nothing more than limiting beliefs, which are impotent and very easily dismissed.
I have made a resolution not to go on even one more single date until this relationship shows up. Not one more single date. Not one more single flirtation. “Impossible,” you say? Bullshit. Remember, my specialty is miracles. Miracles show up on your doorstep without any action at all (for example, the laptop that I’m writing on right now was a doorstep miracle given to me as a gift without me having to leave my building). Miracles do not require action. They only require congruence.
One of the leading causes of incongruence is unresolved karma from the past. Part of the reason that my financial life runs smoothly is that I have good financial karma. My credit rating is over 800 because I make clear agreements and then I keep my promises and commitments. Not part of the time. Pretty much ALL of the time. If there is any kind of dispute, which is rare, I communicate the situation to completion so that it is fully resolved and doesn’t come up again. That kind of consistency creates good karma, and leads to a lot of freedom. When I ask for something from a bank, I can be pretty confident they are going to say yes. Because the trust is there.
When I really took stock of my past relationships with self-honesty, I realized that I did not have nearly so high of a credit rating in my relationships. I had not been clear about my intentions. I had not been respectful at a deep human level. I had been in relationships for the sake of convenience rather than true love and respect. I had disconnected without helping the other person get completion and without really exploring my own fears and baggage that were creating the urge to disconnect. In other words, I had done all the things that I absolutely abhor when they are done to me. I was acting so unconsciously that I had violated the Golden Rule repeatedly. As I looked back, I realized that my past relationship credit rating sucked. If I could not trust myself to stay connected, how could I trust anyone else to stay connected with me?
The thing about karma is that, even if the things you did were a long time ago, if you haven’t resolved the guilt from the incidents (and be aware that the guilt is usually deeply subconscious) it will keep biting you in the ass until you do resolve it.
(And is it really necessary to point out that going out having sex in less-than-perfectly-connected relationships is not going to help resolve these issues AT ALL, it will just make things more confused?)
So I’ve been engaged in a process of cleaning up my past relationship karma, and it feels like a big relief. I’ve been taking full responsibility and not blaming them at all — no matter what they did at the time. I’ve even agreed to meet with some people from my past to give them completion (where before I just wanted to avoid the whole thing and am horrified to see that I engaged in such childish behavior). I’ve also been noticing where in my life I’m still tempted to disconnect from “annoying people who just don’t get it.” There are no “annoying people who just don’t get it.” I’m always responsible. It’s always a mirror. And when I’m most tempted to disconnect are the biggest opportunities to go deeper and clean up my karma.
Perhaps I’ll write more about this soon …