Wow, I just realized this really needs to be a topic for the book. Why? Because although my decision-making process is definitely not representative of all women, I do think it’s fairly representative of how high self-esteem women make this decision.
And … I see a lot of guys who are able to create enough attraction and comfort to get a girl almost there … but not all the way. Sometimes this is because they are not doing enough leading. Sometimes we just haven’t yet had enough contact or time together. But more often it happens for a fundamental reason that I’ve never seen anyone write about: in the process of creating attraction, they undermined trust.
Examples of this are too much aloofness or playing hard to get, too much trying to be Mr. High Value, too much active disinterest, too much rough teasing, or miscalibrated disclaimers. (It’s ok to playfully disqualify yourself to create attraction, but it’s important not to do it in a way that undermines her faith in the fabric of your connection.)
I sometimes find myself in the situation of still feeling attraction for a guy, and even still being fond of him, but having emotionally written him off as someone I could trust with deeper feelings and levels of connection. In which case, no matter how attracted to him I am, and no matter how intriguing he is, I won’t feel comfortable having sex with him. End of story.
There is a female analog. That silly book The Rules I think teaches girls to be “mysterious” and aloof. I once heard a wise dating coach say, “Play those sorts of games if you want. Be as mysterious as you like. The problem is that you’re going to be so mysterious that you won’t have a relationship.”
If you’re too cool for school, and making yourself intentionally unavailable, etc., or playing games of any kind, you’re not going to be able to have intimacy.
The truth that most people don’t realize is that there is nothing so intriguing and engagingly mysterious as becoming completely vulnerable and allowing another person to see into your soul.
Yes, a very interesting topic indeed.
Anyway … as many of you know, I am writing an e-book — Erika’s Definitive Woo Woo Guide to Seducing Beautiful Girls. I would love your ideas and feedback about what would make the book most valuable to you. You can give this to me either in the comments section on this blog (EFT Tapping Video products from Erika Awakening), or by participating in the poll that I’ve created in the right-hand margin of this blog. (In the right-hand margin, you can also subscribe or sign up to follow this blog.)
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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