How to say no and set boundaries. This is one of the most needed skills in our society today. We live in a society where very few people have any assertive communication skills AT ALL.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
Do you find yourself feeling drained or resentful a lot?
Are you making less money than you need, and working harder than you would like?
Do you say “yes” to be “nice” or “generous” and regret it later?
Do people ask you to do things, and then not appreciate your efforts after you have complied?
Do you find yourself in a lot of wishy-washy situations where time is wasted and there is no clear intention and no win/win outcome?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to learn how to say no and set boundaries in your life.
How much wealthier and happier would you be if you were prioritizing your time and energy and money in a way that was consistently increasing your abundance in all areas of your life?
People who don’t understand the importance of saying no and setting boundaries will fritter their time and energy and money away on jobs that they don’t like, on products that they don’t need (stuff that will end up cluttering a closet or info products that are never used or produce no results), surfing the internet aimlessly, getting bogged down in mindless chatter on Facebook, and feeding dozens of addictions (whether the addiction be to television, sex, Facebook, drugs, smoking, drama and conflict, doesn’t really matter – addictions are all the same in that they are energy vortexes where your energy dissipates and is never recovered). And at the end of each day, these people have nothing to show for the time and energy and money expended.
People who do understand how to say no and set boundaries are very conscious about where their time, energy, and money is invested.
Here is a video that I recorded to help people understand the concept of setting healthy boundaries and having clarity of values so you can say no when it’s the right thing to do:
And here are some additional examples to make this more clear. These are areas in my life where I have learned how to say no and set healthy boundaries.
This year, I have had countless opportunities for casual sex, relationships that aren’t really what I want in a long-term partnership, people asking for discounts on my products and services, events I could have attended and even been a speaker at, and people who wanted discounted rates to rent out my house.
I said NO to all of them, and it was easy to say no. Why? Because in every case, me investing my time and energy there would do less to get me to my ideal life than not doing it. Even when cash is offered to me, because I have an abundance mindset, in many situations, the right answer is “no.”
Example: if I take on a roommate right now or accept rentals right now, I could get some money in my pocket straight way. The question people forget to ask themselves is “yeah, but at what cost?” At the moment, I’m using my home for recording and uploading videos, the quiet is very important to me, and I’m totally in my groove. If I sell two Personal Power Challenges (an amazing product, btw, and a total life changer on exactly the topic we are talking about right now), I end up with more cash than from the rental/roommate. And I’m more likely to sell those two Challenges if I maintain my focus. So I say “no” to what seems like “easy” cash. It’s only easy if you look in a myopic way. If you take a holistic view, which we always do in Holistic Belief Reprogramming, then it’s not easy. It will make my life more difficult.
Why am I in a position to say “no” to the cash? Because I have an abundance mentality. If I don’t get money from one place, I’ll get it from somewhere else. I’m not desperate. I don’t need the money. It’s very easy from this place of abundance to set healthy boundaries, and that leads to more abundance and even less desperation.
It’s actually very similar to the process we teach in the seduction community for how to have higher and higher self-esteem and have more and more romantic abundance, pretty much by always being able to walk away from a romantic or sexual exchange that doesn’t serve you. Which, paradoxically, makes you all that much more attractive and magnetic. I learned a lot from the seduction community that is serving me now in business very well. If you want to read more about that topic, CLICK HERE.
Anyway, net result of all this is that I just had my best business quarter EVER. My revenues are more than double what they were last year, and that was already a good quarter last year. Yet I’ve turned down more cash and other opportunities than ever before, during this quarter. See how this works?
There’s a little bit of mixed feelings here, of course. Years ago, I liked to see myself as one of those “down to earth” and humble people who wanted to be “nice” and “considerate” to everyone. Well, here’s the straight-up truth: that didn’t work in business. There are a lot of people out there who don’t yet understand the value of giving, and if you spend all your time on them, and they give you nothing back, you’ll be penniless very quickly. So you must learn to say “no” to the takers.
I get countless requests from people to answer emails for free, and to “meet up” with them for coffee or drinks or whatever. At this point, I value myself so much that it’s the rare opportunity anymore than will get me to show up for anything less than five figures of investment by the other person.
Why? My time is valuable. My Holistic Belief Reprogramming (HBR) method is so powerful that if I spend an afternoon recording videos, it’s likely another $10,000 will show up in my life “out of nowhere,” or that a relationship I care about will be miraculously healed, or I’ll get to experience the feeling of “being in love” all the time, even when I’m not with a physical partner. Or I’ll have quiet time with God, which is priceless to me. So if you want me to invest that same amount of time and energy in making YOUR life better, well, I expect you to value my time the same way I do — and contribute to me in recognition of its value.
There will of course be some people who are pissed off about this post. The anger that is triggered in them is not about me. They really are mad at themselves because they know full well they are not making conscious choices, that they don’t value themselves, that most of their time and energy is frittered away with no results, that they don’t know how to say “no” and instead are too “nice” and let people walk all over them.
Now, if you’re tired of being that “angry” person who knows full well you could have so much more in your life … then you’re in the right place. There is no better place to learn how to focus your energy and start getting results in your life than by committing to Erika Awakening product and coaching offerings.
But – and you KNOW this already – it’s going to require investment and commitment. If you expect to sit on the sidelines dabbling in “free” stuff on the internet, you’re not ready to change. For some people – myself included – it takes something pretty extreme, like a near-death experience, for you to have the motivation finally to do what is needed to transform your life.
If you are one of those rare people who is ready, and you’re willing to invest and commit to the Erika Awakening miracle coaching method, you can begin with baby steps, such as my very affordable membership program. What it’s going to take to have the naturally occurring self-esteem that leads you to say “no” easily to what doesn’t serve you is consistent, daily application of HBR. Through my videos, through personal coaching programs, and through your own daily tapping of issues that you identify by using the videos and doing sessions.
This may very well be the biggest financial investment of your lifetime. I’m going to be very honest and straightforward with you up front. You aren’t going to learn Holistic Belief Reprogramming and change your life overnight. You may need to purchase all of my products and long-term coaching with me to release yourself from a lifetime’s worth of crappy conditioning and addictive patterns. And this very significant investment, while it will probably be scary to undertake, will also be the step that finally gives you what everyone else promised and failed to deliver.
So ultimately it’s your choice. Keep doing what you’ve always been doing, and keep getting the same results you’ve been getting. Or be brave enough to get off the sidelines and try something new, something that – with investment and commitment – will launch you into the stratosphere of your true potential, just as it has for me and many of my clients and customers. I know I’m pretty happy to be free of a day job, already over six figures this year, skiing whenever the snow is good, doing what I love and helping countless people while I do it. The freedom, the abundance, the creativity, the joie de vivre are PRICELESS.
I will teach you how to say no, and I will teach you how to set healthy boundaries. I will teach you to value yourself and have high self-esteem. And you will be so much happier for it. I promise.
Erika Awakening, High Priestess of Miracles at TAPsmarter
If you are ready, join us now – the offerings are HERE.
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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