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Paradigm Shift About Sex

I’m not exactly sure what happened to me at Burning Man, but … oh my do I feel different …

My lower chakras, after having been shut down for years, are all lit up. There is literally heat radiating from them.

Meanwhile, I’m having very sexual thoughts about a number of guys, all of whom I would put in the camp of actual or potential sexual healers, including Burning Man Guy, Entropy, and Hypnotica.

This is really a wild ride.

I put this comment on one of the earlier posts and will repeat the thread here:

First, Deirdre said this:

I agree with everything you said here Erika, and I think women are at a serious disadvantage when negotiating sex/relationship with a new guy if they’re looking at trusting him or not. It seems to me that directing our thoughts toward trusting them or not trusting them is irrelevant , because regardless of their level of awareness, we know that they lie to get sex, and we’re trying to decide if we can trust them before we even know them. Cliche as it is I’m gonna say – actions speak louder than words – and this is something for women to pay attention to, because in order for a woman to check out a man’s actions, she has to give him time to show them to her. Thus, the quickness with which she might have otherwise become intimate with him is obliterated

When we rush into sex we rob men of the opportunity to prove themselves to us, to build something with us. Everyone talks about the importance that men place on sex. I think men also want real relationships with women, but some have been hypnotized by our culture to think that sex is the ultimate goal for them. They want us to let them work to gain our affection because then it has value – and they get to know that we really like them for who they are. And they get to know themselves and trust themselves this way, by doing things to show themselves to us they show themselves to themselves.

There’s a problem when women feel connected with a guy soon after meeting him, and he’s special and it feels good and you want to open up, but I think we would do better to become a little more disciplined about defining our own boundaries, ones that work for us based on our knowledge of men but more importantly the knowledge of what works for us.

Then Daria said this:

I feel comfortable having sex with some guys without feeling worried that they will hurt me or what not.

I just do what I want and trust myself that if I want it it’s good for me.

I feel like they will continue to work for my affection even after I have sex. If they don’t then, they don’t before or after, but sex is my gift to me. And I want it when it feels good, emotional stuff, trust and all that factoring into how much I want it.

Then Deirdre responded:

Very interesting Daria. I suppose we are each wired a little differently. I’m definitely curious about how some women can engage in casual sex without the repercussions so many of us face .

It’s something I often ponder about myself – why doing something that feels so right at the time, down the road looks like a mistake. The last guy I was involved with asked me for an exclusive relationship about a month in, even though we had sex 2 or 3 weeks in. It’s not that he won’t stay interested after sex, but I think the quality of his interest may not be optimal when HE perceives or feels that he hasn’t worked enough for it. Generally, we value what we work for, and this may be truer for men than women.. (?) So when I look back at my inner scenario at the moment I turned that page with him (sex), I remember CLEARLY feeling YES this is the right thing to do now. And all the rules I had previously set for myself – for my own self-care – seemed completely false and unreal in the presence of – how can I say it – my physical/chemical/emotional/spiritual attraction to him.

So I wonder what this is about – if it feels so right, why does it turn out not to be good for me? And i think it has everything to do with me having behaved in a way that is not in alignment with what I want in the bigger picture.

And it was after reading Deirdre’s response that I realized what a profound shift I had at Burning Man, so I wrote this:

Deirdre and Daria,

I’m feeling kinda excited right now because after my Burning Man experience I have an intuition that I’ll be able to bridge your two perspectives.

Deirdre, I have often had the same concerns that you have and yet part of me has longed for the freedom that Daria expresses in her sexuality.

Now I’ve got a new perspective on all this. Maybe all the dark feelings stirred up having sex with certain guys were just the unwinding of karma, and not a “mistake” at all ….

Maybe when the intention of sex gets transformed from lifelong commitment to “whatever is most healing for both people right now” we can take a lot of the pressure off, get very present with the feelings that get stirred up, and actually heal each other (both men and women) through extremely conscious sex.

And, as that healing process occurs, then we become more and more likely to end up in the perfect permanent relationship for us.

That’s my working theory, I’m pretty excited to explore this, probably with multiple partners.

And, yes, there are a number of you who can now say “Told you so.” Lol :-)

After all, this blog is all about AWAKENING.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Erika says:

    Anonymous,

    There is a transition phase between this world and the real world, and in that transition phase, it makes sense to make use of practical things until we can unload enough fear not to need them anymore.

    When my cat got sick, I got him a spiritual healer and antibiotics, because I know in my belief system, I still believe in antibiotics at a subconscious level.

  2. Anonymous says:

    erika – just curious, but this discussion makes me wonder about your answers to the following questions:

    do you wear your seatbelt in your car when you drive?

    do you wear a helmet when you ride a bike?

    do you wash your hands before eating?

    do you wash your hands after being in a public place?

    do you cook meat before consuming it?

  3. tinque says:

    Erika – I do understand from where you are coming, and please know I am not attacking you.
    There is such a fine line here.
    I cannot live my life worrying if I'm going to catch this bug or that cancer or if the next time I get in my car I'm going to crash. I agree that walking in fear will attract just that fear.
    Yet things do happen, things that just don't feel so

  4. Erika says:

    Tinque,

    I will acknowledge to feeling some inner conflict about having condom-less sex. I still have part of a foot in "this world."

    But "if I defend, I am attacked."

    What people don't realize is that taking precautions against illness reinforces the possibility of becoming sick in the mind.

    If we bow down before idols, they

  5. tinque says:

    Erika – Having a FAITH this strong is lovely; I fully believe in it and support it, and I live my life in this way, BUT, SHIT HAPPENS, no matter how powerful is your belief. So taking practical precautions is a part of it all.

  6. tinque says:

    "…intimacy is created by being present to all of one's own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attachments, wounds, strengths, and desires, and those of my lover…I am intuitively connected with her…This creates a feeling of safety and thus allows us to be vulnerable…magic that happens."
    -Burning Man Guy

    That's all very beautiful and a wonderfully divine

  7. Erika says:

    My read (tell me if I don't have your perspective right):

    Your perspective is governed by the physical laws of cause and effect.

    My perspective is based on the idea that our minds are cause and the world we see is effect.

    This is why it's so easy to achieve miracles through EFT. EFT works on the subconscious mind, changing the cause and thereby changing

  8. Erika says:

    Thanks, everyone, for the comments.

    Mercedes, I'm feeling into answering your questions because we seem to be coming from two very different planes of existence in our perspectives. From my perspective, there are a lot of assumptions in your questions that I do not share with you.

    For example, I see condoms as a way of dissociating fear. Doesn't mean I would

  9. Anonymous says:

    I'm not of the same mindset. I've had some VERY intimate times with lovers that I just met. For me intimacy is created by being present, present to all of one's own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attachments, wounds, strengths, and desires, and those of my lover. By being aware of them, we are free to choose to release them. By being present with my partner, I am intuitively

  10. Miss Mercedes says:

    Tinque: "There is NO intimacy in sleeping around."

    Amen! There can be a "perceived" intimacy. There can be an illusion created by the tricks of those who know how to make a partner feel a connection that doesn't exist. But there cannot be true intimacy in casual sexual encounters.

    There can however be the hurting and heartbreak of illegitimate

  11. tinque says:

    "I'm pretty excited to explore this, probably with multiple partners."

    I'm all for awakening, sexual and otherwise, but this statement from you scares me and not only for the risks you place on yourself eg. STDs, unwanted pregnancy. You have said you don't believe in using condoms.
    To each their own, and if you feel you will find you awakening via multiple

  12. Miss Mercedes says:

    I don't know how to ask this with words that will help you see I am more concerned then anything else, so I'll just do it this way and clarify if you have questions later.

    "Maybe when the intention of sex gets transformed from lifelong commitment to "whatever is most healing for both people right now" we can take a lot of the pressure off, get very present with

  13. Daria says:

    =D I feel happy! I love being noticed hehe.

  14. Erika says:

    Hypnotica,

    It's good you like Daria because she's going to be my guest at PUA Summit … so you're going to meet her :-)

  15. Hypnotica says:

    feel comfortable having sex with some guys without feeling worried that they will hurt me or what not.

    I just do what I want and trust myself that if I want it it's good for me.

    I feel like they will continue to work for my affection even after I have sex. If they don't then, they don't before or after, but sex is my gift to me. And I want it when it feels good,

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