Why People are Dishonest in Relationships

This weekend I’m doing an intensive coaching one-on-one with a guy, and I also did some What Is Holistic Belief Reprogramming? with Burning Man Guy last night.

A theme is coming up that I wanted to share with all of you.

If people are getting angry with you in any area of your life, look within. It means you have uncleared guilt. If you clear the guilt with EFT, they will no longer be angry.

What is guilt? It is an incongruity. Dishonesty in any form will create guilt.

An example is if we promise someone something, expressly or implied, and don’t follow through on that promise. We are likely to feel guilt, and the person affected will likely feel anger.

One of the fastest ways to clear this kind of guilt/anger situation is to have a mediated conversation. A good non-violent mediator will usually be able to bring the two people back to a space of understanding and compassion.

It helps to understand the roots of dishonesty. When people are not fully honest in relationships, it is because there is a lack of self-acceptance.

Burning Man Guy is a good example. He promised monogamy to someone and did not deliver. You better believe that created an “ouch” for the other person in the relationship. Why was he dishonest? Because he lacks full self-acceptance. Part of him thinks that the only way women will be in relationships with him is if he promises monogamy. Part of him sees himself as a sexual healer and “wild animal” who is sexual with many women. That unresolved incongruity creates a lack of self-acceptance, guilt, and the temptation toward dishonesty. The problem is that dishonesty may get us what we think we want short term, but long term it wreaks havoc with our relationships. Far better to get in touch with the inner conflicts and express them and resolve them.

So we worked on this inner conflict with EFT, and as usual, it turns out to have roots in his early childhood. We went deep into a trance state through tapping, and I’m hopeful he’ll feel at least a partial shift in this area from here on out.

In the meantime, I told him not to bother making any promises to me, because I wouldn’t believe a word he says ;-)

Ironically, my decision not to accept any promises from him has brought me even more into the present moment. (“I have no idea what will happen tomorrow, but right now this feels like exactly what we’re meant to be doing for both of our healing. Let’s not interfere with the present moment by doing any future planning.”). Geez, I sound like a PUA. Lol :-p

I don’t suggest radical honesty as something we do “for” other people. It’s something we do for ourselves. It brings us into a degree of congruence that most people cannot even imagine. And congruence brings peace of mind, happiness, and effortless accomplishment.

To hear more about my teachings on congruence, please check out my free video footage from the 21 Convention.


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About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. Ive been telling cashiers and strangers I meet the truth lately. The only people giving negative responses to it are those who are too in their own heads to realize theres a world full of PEOPLE around them.

    I dont expect people to be dishonest with me. However, when they are, it doesnt surprise me either. There is a distinction there. I would rather them be honest. I think they would

  2. Marquis,

    Are you open to the possibility that the "expectation" of some dishonesty is a bad habit that people would be well served to break?

    Once one becomes very present, it's fairly obvious when other people are not congruent with their words. Their voice changes. "I'm really happy." Really? Your voice doesn't sound at all convincing

  3. Customer: how are you?

    Cashier: not feeling too great, looking forward to feeling better

    customer: oohhh. yes it will get better. can I have an expresso?

  4. i like what you said about the incongruence of guilt and that coming from a lack of self-acceptance which is true. however, to an extent, many people expect a certain level of dishonesty in their interactions.
    customer: How are you? (to cashier)
    cashier: my rent is late, i missed my period, and my boyfriend is always busy at work….
    customer: um…i just want an espresso.

  5. wow bmg guy… (ie pizza slice guy to me i just found out) that sounds freakin awesome… i feel motivated to have some more EFT right now hehe

    I feel guilty because somehow I seem to have "promised" my parents (or to myself) that i would ensure financial security for them.


    I do want financial security for them me us! i would feel good to have it

  6. Burning Man Guy says:

    Hi Erika. Wow. Wow, Wow, Wow. All I can say is thank you for taking the time and space with me to work on clearing out those old thought-forms. I see why I was making patterns of unproductive long term choices. I thought that's the only way I could get what I wanted. I see now how that's really not an effective strategy for getting what I really want. By taking me deep into my

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