What will it take for people to commit to turning every “negative” experience into something positive instead of running away?
If I could make sex non-refundable, I would. One of the biggest problems we see throughout our society is the overall pattern of pleasure-seeking and pain-avoidance (I call this the “hamster wheel,” which you can read more about here). This pattern leaves people uncommitted and unskilled in dealing with negative experiences and makes any real transformation nearly impossible. Oh for sure there are some who seek pain as well, but not to transform it, only to recreate it over and over again in a ritual so hopeless and pointless it defies logic or words. Nowhere are these patterns more obvious than in the “special relationship” where most people only stay as long as their ego identity (whether “good” or “bad”) is being propped up by the other person. Whereas for relationships to be truly healing in any way, rather than perpetuating co-dependent pain/pleasure patterns, one must go beyond pain and pleasure to real transformation. This means no longer seeking for pleasure in any form (which includes “approval,” one of the most manipulative devices on the planet) and no longer avoiding pain but rather transforming it.
Without incredibly developed transformation skills, people will not be able to tolerate the “yucky” transitional feelings of real transformation and will rationalize why they should “bail” from relationships. This running away short-circuits the healing process. Real transformation can feel very, very intense. And it will be too overwhelming for the untrained. They will mis-perceive themselves as being “under attack” or the relationship as “incompatible” or some other bullshit justification, without doing the transformation required to resolve whatever issues are coming to the surface. Which is why I simply will not get involved in any more sexual or romantic relationships with anyone who is not as committed to my healing method as I am.
To use an analogy, when I decided to make all of my products non-refundable, that was a very conscious decision. It is not unusual for a customer to purchase something from me and then “freak out” because their ego knows full well that its end is near if they commit to my method. I’ve had people have technical issues with a product that NOBODY else is having. I check their account and it’s working perfectly but they can’t get it to work. In these situations, many would ask for a refund if it were available. And they would therefore miss out on the HUGE opportunity for transformation. They are suffering from “psychological reversal” and because they have no choice but to stick it out, I can help them identify why they are resisting their own transformation and help them clear it. And then guess what happens when they follow my advice? The product starts working again without me doing anything physical to it.
Similarly, the other day we were having strange issues with the 30-Day Abundance Challenge and the 30-Day Anger Releasing Challenge. Normally a website owner would think “I need to fix this technical issue.” But someone highly trained in listening to the messages of the Universe understands this differently. The Universe was letting us know what “psychological reversal” we all needed to clear to get the products working again. In my private Facebook group, I gave my customers guidance from my intuition about how to use these technical issues as an opportunity for clearing. I followed my own advice, the same advice I had given them about clearing anger and abundance blocks – and after I did so, $8000 arrived in my inbox in TWO DAYS.
It’s the folks who quit in the middle who never see their miracles. It’s why my coaching policies are so stringent. Of all the people who ever took my 15-Week Miracle Coaching Program, I only had one ever quit in the middle. Predictably he blamed me for the entire situation even though he had no-showed for several of the sessions we did schedule and refused to do the homework. Of the many others who’ve taken the program, there were quite a few who might have quit if it weren’t for my policies. In many cases, the miracle happened right after the point of highest “tension” when they would have been most likely to quit. Very similar to what happened with Fritz the Cat when he was in the hospital.
People would have the same redemptive experiences in relationships but most don’t have the skills, the commitment, the courage, the integrity, the understanding, the self-awareness, or the tools to do so … And that is where I am simply no longer willing to go along with the mainstream patterns. In my view, sex is non-refundable. You want to have it with me? Then make a commitment to learn the skills to be able to stick it out even when the heat gets turned up very, very high. Make the same commitment I made with my cat to save him from kidney failure when the ego wanted me to concede defeat. Learn how to get the miracle in EVERY situation. Otherwise, I have more fulfilling things to do with my time. Thank you for listening.
Erika Awakening, Teaching People How to Create Everyday Miracles at TAPsmarter
Erika Awakening is one of the world’s foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and living life on your own terms.
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the race race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms.
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