Phew … sometimes when I’ve spent too many weeks reading a bunch of cliches about love and the world in my Facebook newsfeed and in a lot of the newsletters that land in my in box, I just need to engage in some radical honesty so that I can breathe again … this is one of those days. Aren’t you tired of all the bullshit that is written out there about sex and relationships? I am. If you are as exhausted by it (or numbed by it) as I am, this article is for you.
Yesterday, in my newsfeed, there was a really graphic and disturbing image posted by an animal rights activist – a fox caught in a snare, with leg trapped and bleeding. A terrified look on its beautiful face. I’ve been growing weary of the hysteria and blaming that I’ve been seeing on that page, so I removed the item from my newsfeed, yet mysteriously it appeared several more times. You would think I would have learned by now that trying to “get away” from disturbing feelings doesn’t really solve anything, lol … I received several angel cards yesterday shortly before falling asleep advising me to pay attention to my dreams.
I always pay attention to my dreams, because they give me clues as to what is going on in my subconscious mind that needs to be healed for me to receive my next big miracle :)
So I went to sleep after deleting the image, and very early this morning I awoke to the same image of the fox in the snare, except this time it was in my mind, not on Facebook. It was very disturbing for a moment until I realized …
I am the fox. We are the fox. And the snare … that’s the “special relationship,” a “love” relationship that is totally tortured and constricted by limiting beliefs.
The fox is a symbol.
Something I have realized before, when I saw images in this same woman’s feed, of cattle tagged and caged waiting for slaughter. When I saw the cows, I immediately saw our society. A society of people being treated as commodities, imprisoned in jobs they hate and relationships that don’t satisfy, waiting for death to “release” them. (A reality that you probably are still “forced” to live in, unless you have reclaimed creative control of your life and have become an abundant entrepreneur, which I have, thank God.)
Well, I’ve been recording a lot of relationship tapping videos lately. These are not “old hat” videos, they are opening new frontiers where, as far as I know, nobody has gone before. My guiding light, as always, is A Course in Miracles, which has this to say about the “special” relationship:
The special relationship has the most imposing and deceptive frame of all the defenses the ego uses. Its thought system is offered here, surrounded by a frame so heavy and so elaborate that the picture is almost obliterated by its imposing structure. Into the frame are woven all sorts of fanciful and fragmented illusions of love, set with dreams of sacrifice and self-aggrandizement, and interlaced with gilded threads of self-destruction. The glitter of blood shines like rubies, and the tears are faceted like diamonds and gleam in the dim light in which the offering is made.
Look at the picture. Do not let the frame distract you. This gift is given you for your damnation, and if you take it you will believe that you are damned. You cannot have the frame without the picture. What you value is the frame, for there you see no conflict. Yet the frame is only the wrapping for the gift of conflict. The frame is not the gift. Be not deceived by the most superficial aspects of this thought system, for these aspects enclose the whole, complete in every aspect. Death lies in this glittering gift. Let not your gaze dwell on the hypnotic gleaming of the frame. Look at the picture, and realize that death is offered you.
– A Course in Miracles
How many people seek the special relationship endlessly and never find happiness? An entire dating and relationship industry is built around this obsession. One gigantic hamster wheel.
Most people seeking the special relationship are trying to escape from the “hell” of the rest of their life. A job they hate. A low sense of self-esteem. A feeling of powerlessness. And they think somehow this Prince or Princess Charming is going to solve that internal problem, which of course it does not. The Course speaks very explicitly of this:
The special love relationship is an attempt to limit the destructive effects of hate by finding a haven in the storm of guilt. It makes no attempt to rise above the storm, into the sunlight. On the contrary, it emphasizes the guilt outside the haven by attempting to build barricades against it, and keep within them. The special love relationship is not perceived as a value in itself, but as a place of safety from which hatred is split off and kept apart. The special love partner is acceptable only as long as he serves this purpose. Hatred can enter, and indeed is welcome in some aspects of the relationship, but it is still held together by the illusion of love. If the illusion goes, the relationship is broken or becomes unsatisfying on the grounds of disillusionment.
Love is not an illusion. It is a fact. Where disillusionment is possible, there was not love but hate. For hate is an illusion, and what can change was never love. It is sure that those who select certain ones as partners in any aspect of living, and use them for any purpose which they would not share with others, are trying to live with guilt rather than die of it. This is the choice they see. And love, to them, is only an escape from death. They seek it desperately, but not in the peace in which it would gladly come quietly to them. And when they find the fear of death is still upon them, the love relationship loses the illusion that it is what it is not. When the barricades against it are broken, fear rushes in and hatred triumphs.
– A Course in Miracles
As I have written about many times here, that last paragraph is totally irreconcilable with monogamy. Monogamy is a trap, and although my writings have been perceived as controversial, I do not back away from this position now. Only a “special” relationship could possibly value exclusivity in any form, and a special relationship will always end in pain. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but always that will be the end result.
The real meaning of love is freedom, and this is one of my favorite quotations from the Course:
Love is freedom. To look for it by placing yourself in bondage is to separate yourself from it. For the Love of God, no longer seek for union in separation, nor for freedom in bondage! As you release, so will you be released. Forget this not, or Love will be unable to find you and comfort you.
– A Course in Miracles
So the fox in the snare … that’s us. That’s us trapped by our limiting beliefs, by the guilt with which we have imbued the special relationship, the bindings of monogamy and obligation … trapped by our ego’s fear of freedom.
What is needed is a totally new paradigm for relationships. Glimmers of this paradigm already exist, but quite honestly I am not sure I see a totally pure role model anywhere yet.
Where are the seeds of truth? I see a lot of glimmers of the holy relationship in the paradigm that is taught by my friend Johnny Soporno. Non-exclusive relationships with all women seen as true friends.
My ex and I also were on the right track, though our beliefs were not purified enough at that time. That also was a model of non-exclusive freedom to love and connect with everyone.
(Btw, the mores of society as to bearing and raising children are similarly problematic, and to me the whole idea that a child is subject to his or her parents’ rules until the age of 18 is patently absurd. But that’s beyond the scope of this article, it’s an area where I’ve been recording a lot of videos and doing a lot of deep thinking, because few things in our society are conceived in a way that is more imprisoning than parenthood, and IMO the entire paradigm must change.)
At the same time, we don’t want an atomistic world of people who never commit to each other, either. And that’s the rub in current society’s limiting beliefs. People generally believe that you can have freedom OR commitment, but you can’t have both. One of the brilliant things about my coaching system, Holistic Belief Reprogramming, is that it allows us to reconcile such false dilemmas. With HBR, you can always have BOTH, and you never have to sacrifice anything.
This article is just a beginning of my rethinking of the entire area of love and relationships. It is very clear I will never have a “special” relationship again.
As the Course says,
“Find hope and comfort, rather than despair, in this: You could not long find even the illusion of love in any special relationship here. For you are no longer wholly insane, and you would soon recognize the guilt of self-betrayal for what it is.”
Right now, my videos are focused on releasing myself and my audience from the traps and snares of the false “love” of the ego. I stand in the faith that the holy relationship that will inevitably result from this process will bring only joy and no more fear or imprisonment. The relationship will be fully shared, and that of course, means non-exclusive sexuality. Sex also conceived without its egoic trappings, not as physical pleasure (which is of the ego) but as Divine Union with God.
That’s all for now :)