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Knowing “what to do” is not enough, part 1: The importance of a HOLISTIC approach

All right, I promised you all a new blog series, and now we are ready to get it started :)

(And by the way, for the women in the audience, the tips I’m sharing here are just as applicable and powerful for women as they are for men … my Holistic Belief Reprogramming coaching system will transform a woman’s life just as fast as it will a man’s …)

In the Vegas Guy Seduction Series (make sure to catch up by going here before reading this new series), I explained step by step how Vegas Guy seduced me and had me back at his hotel room within an hour of meeting him, against all odds.

Now that I’ve shared with you, in detail, exactly what he did, it should be EASY for other men to go out and do it. “Just do it,” right?

Yeah, I wish it worked that way. Really I do. But I have been going around the country speaking to huge groups of men and receiving hundreds of emails from men all around the world … and I can tell you, IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.

Here’s the problem: What I have learned from working with hundreds of men is that it is NOT ENOUGH to tell a man, even in painstaking detail, how to seduce the woman or women he wants.

Let’s look at the sequence of what Vegas Guy did: initial eye contact, approach, connection, isolation, pulling me back to his place, sexual escalation, deep comfort, excellent follow-through.

None of that is rocket science. In fact, it’s very, very simple. He didn’t use any fancy lines or gimmicky pickup techniques.

And yet, the vast majority of men, even when told in detail what to do, STILL CAN’T DO IT. Even if you somehow manage to get them past their enormous approach anxiety to do the physical steps, they are so FULL OF FEAR AND DOUBT that women pick up on it from miles away and respond in negative ways.

I’ve also been the woman on the other side of hundreds if not thousands of such interactions, where a guy who has no real confidence attempts to make an approach, and how it feels as a woman is REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE … :(

I’m going to explain why this horribly frustrating pattern happens for men, over and over again, and what we can do about it with Holistic Belief Reprogramming, in this upcoming series of articles.

Before we get into the details though, I want to explain why the HOLISTIC in Holistic Belief Reprogramming is sooooo important.

Very often I see men get coaching from this coach and that coach, and reading a bunch of articles and forum posts, and each coach is telling them different things about what to say and what to do. There are three main problems with this:

(1) Because the bits of advice from different coaches cannot be reconciled with each other, the guy tends to get more and more confused and thus more and more INCONGRUENT and more and more IN HIS HEAD as he goes along. Think about it: congruence comes from knowing EXACTLY what to do, and doing it without doubt or hesitation. How can a guy who has twenty different theories in his head possibly act in such a confident way?

(2) The real issues stopping this guy from being good with women — which are emotional in nature — are not being addressed by any of this advice. Meaning, you’ve got a guy who essentially has the equivalent a phobia, and in my experience, telling him what to say or what to do is just putting a band-aid over a gaping emotional issue — it ain’t gonna work, especially long-term. The underlying fear is going to rear its head over and over and over again until the underlying fear is permanently resolved.

(3) The advice being given is NOT holistic, in fact it conflicts with holism, because the more we make an adjustment here or an adjustment there without looking at the BIG PICTURE OF THE GUY’S EMOTIONAL MAKE-UP AND BELIEF SYSTEM, the more we are making things worse — creating greater and greater INCONGRUENCE. Think about it, everyone has a different style and vibe. If we take a particular pickup line from Guru A and try to paste it onto Student B (who has a completely different background and approach to life), how likely is it that Student B is going to sound congruent when he says it?

So those are THREE HUGE PROBLEMS with most community teaching. (Don’t get me wrong, there are some excellent outer game coaches out there for whom I have tremendous respect, and I’m a big fan of combining HBR with good outer game coaching. But even the BEST outer game coaches, IMO, are not doing enough to address the fundamental EMOTIONAL sticking points that are making it extremely difficult for guys to make progress in their results with women.)

Now, how do we solve these three problems?
I will get into the details in the upcoming articles. For now, I want to address what I mean by HOLISTIC.

Holistic means we look at the ENTIRE PERSON, past present and future, all at once. And the only way we can do this effectively is (1) to have a very deep understanding of how people’s belief systems work; and (2) to be intuitively guided, because intuition is directly connected to the big picture and is far wiser than any kind of “logical” approach to helping someone.

Let me give you an example. Guy comes to me with serious problems with women. He can’t seem to get close to them. The ones he like are always running away.

Most coaches don’t bother to ask this guy about his background. I ask all kinds of questions, including about his relationship with his parents.

Turns out HE DOESN’T EVEN SPEAK TO HIS MOTHER ANY MORE because that relationship is so painful.

Many coaching systems would consider that irrelevant, or they wouldn’t know how to fix it. Or they’d say “Let’s not delve into the past,” again, because many people’s experience with “therapy” has been that it doesn’t work. That people just get stuck in the past.

Unfortunately, though, the past continues to have power over people UNTIL THEY GET THE EMOTIONAL GARBAGE that they accumulated from the past RESOLVED.

Here’s how this works in the example I just gave. A man’s relationship with his mother is the subconscious mind TEMPLATE on which all of his other relationships with women are based. If he has disconnected from her, he has also disconnected from THE FEMININE. And if we don’t get that cleaned up, and remove the toxicity around that relationship, he’s going to have interferences showing up in his relationships with all women.

This is just one example. There are many more.

Now … at some level, people do recognize the truth of what I’m saying. If you are like most people, you KNOW the past is still affecting you. Yet, until now, there was no good answer to this. “Yeah, my childhood sucked, but I think it’s just best to forget about it. Therapy didn’t work. I just have to accept what happened and move on.”

Unfortunately, I have seen time and time again that this kind of approach does not work. Without even realizing it, guys continue to be HAUNTED by their past experiences, and each time they try to approach a woman or start a relationship, the old icky conditioning from the past kicks in, and they freeze, or give away their power, or give up before they’ve even begun.

Fortunately, I’m here to tell you, that there IS AN ANSWER TO THIS. There IS A WAY TO BE SET FREE FROM YOUR PAST COMPLETELY … so that the present moment becomes a beautiful BLANK SLATE on which to create your own destiny. There is a way to TAKE ALL YOUR POWER BACK and live a fully happy and empowered life where you can have, be, and do ANYTHING you want.

That answer is HOLISTIC BELIEF REPROGRAMMING.

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I would appreciate your feedback on this article before I write the rest, because I want to be certain this concept is being fully absorbed before we move on to other things…

To do personal one-on-one coaching with me, please sign up on my coaching page or email me at Erika@ErikaAwakening.com …

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Quinn says:

    You know when i first came into the community i used to think that what you were doing was kinda on the fringe of what the community was all about. Now i look back and smile as well as cringe at my naiviety and that in fact it was i who was on the fringe and it was this stuff that was mainstream

  2. Dave Perkins says:

    Congruence is a word that truly needs more use on this planet we live on, I do some studying of “The Game” community as part of a lifetime interest in Psychology/spirituality/religions and so on, and I think its great that you’re able to recognise, improve and preach congruence, if your holistic belief System brings natural congruence to peoples lives then that is a wonderful things for opening up all areas and creating good relationships .

  3. Henrik says:

    thanks for sharing Erika, I like your holistic approach.

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