How to Attract Women Tips: Gaming or Authenticity – Which Is More Effective?Today we have a guest post from my client, who goes by “Alexander Rose.” He sent me this email, and it is so right on that I asked his permission to post it here. It’s a perfect example of how the “gaming mentality” often puts excessive pressure on an interaction and leads the guy to sabotage his results.
It is soooo much easier to be the kind of person who is willing to connect sincerely with every man, woman, child, and animal on this planet, and allow the results with “hot women” to arise spontaneously depending on how much “spark” there is in the interaction.
How to Attract Women Tips – Gaming or Authenticity?
Here’s what Alexander had to say:
Let me first say I don’t like the word approach, and [a hypnotist] actually pointed this out to me, that it may even contribute to approach anxiety. Because approach a girl means approach her, walk up to her, say nothing. It doesn’t encompass actually talking.
For me what moved me the most was in the first boot camp I took of Vince Kelvin’s, where he said “Don’t approach, approaching is weird, isn’t it? Just talk to women.”
Until that moment and its lesson sunk into my head, I was “approaching women,” and many times that approach involves walking up to the woman, in an overly obvious way and opening. In reality I think with that type of approach, the opening happens AS SOON AS YOU TAKE THE FIRST STEP.
Many of Vince Kelvin’s approach techniques (you can get products from Vince here) involve making things feel as natural as possible, and this is where I got the idea of flow from. After I really heeded that lesson, I rarely ever get the weird pickup guy vibe from girls anymore, because 99% of my approaches seem completely natural for the girl.
I think beginners need to talk to every woman they encounter because it helps to relieve their approach anxiety and get them in state, helps to get them out of their head as well as get them used to talking to women (because they probably aren’t used to it)
This is why I think most pickup gurus tell guys to approach every girl.
My MO is this:
I will talk to a girl if there is something I can say to her, or if I’m attracted to her. So even if it’s an 80 year old woman and I like her shirt, I’m going to say “I like your shirt” :) If it’s a guy I have something to say something to, I will say it.
That’s how I work, and it really helps keep me super social and flowing.
And for absolute beginners – A lot of guys I’ve worked with recommend just walking past a woman first, then transition to saying hello, and build from there.
- Alexander Rose
Amen. Personally, I no longer consider myself separate from my surroundings. I find myself in spontaneous, random conversations with strangers all the time, with no agenda whatsoever. Sometimes it turns into more. Sometimes it doesn’t. NOT EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION IS MEANT TO TURN INTO SOMETHING MORE. And that’s okay.
How to Attract Women by Being Yourself
If you try to have sex with every single girl, not only are you likely to bang your head against the wall, even if you’re successful, you’re likely to end up exhausted and unbalanced.
If you are always trying to come up with something “witty” to say, you are likely to come off as forcing it. And there is nothing more annoying than a guy who tries to push an interaction into being something it clearly wasn’t meant to be.
Of course, guys eventually need to learn to escalate sexually. But most would do well to begin with just becoming socially fluid, and that can be practiced with ANYONE at ANYTIME with no agenda at all.
I will also add something that most guys do not want to hear, but desperately need to hear anyway:
A lot of guys think, “oh, I don’t have to deal with the rest of my life, I can just learn these slick techniques, and then I’ll be THE MAN.”
When the truth is this: Trying to resolve social anxiety with external “fixes” such as lines and techniques will NOT resolve the core issues. What people usually call “approach anxiety” is actually a complex psychological issue that comprises dozens of issues, including a guy’s lack of a sense of purpose (if he’s not in touch with his true life purpose), a guy’s judgments about other people (if he judges others, he will fear being judged, which shows up as anxiety and overcompensation), a guy’s lack of financial solidity and integrity (how can a woman fully respect any man who goes around with a scarcity mindset?), and usually dozens of unresolved traumas from his childhood. To get it fully resolved is an appropriate issue for my 15-Week Miracle coaching program, which will resolve this complex issue at the root.
Otherwise, you may turn out to be one of those guys who knows all the techniques but comes off to women as totally incongruent.
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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