Pickup Artist PUA Myths That Do Not Help You With Attracting and Connecting with WomenYesterday we debunked the pickup artist PUA myth “I must approach and attempt to escalate with every attractive woman.” If you missed that article, you can read it here.
Today we move on to debunking another pickup artist PUA myth that I hear repeated frequently: “I must have sex with her as fast as possible, or she will probably put me in the friend zone or lose interest.”
This is yet another one of these moments when a female perspective is desperately needed in the pickup artist PUA seduction community.
The reason I’m writing this article today is, again, one of my clients. A few weeks ago, he sent me an email (which he also sent to a coaching group that he is in), in which he described a date he had with a girl where he did not escalate to sex. Instead of having sex with her, he tapped with her (lol) and just enjoyed her company.
Afterward, she sent him a message (and I’ll paraphrase to preserve confidentiality):
I’m still absorbing last night. I love how authentic you are, and I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you better, though you are also mysterious to me. You are not like other people who are so predictable. You smell good, too. I keep thinking about our night together. I didn’t expect to be attracted to you, but I am – and I kinda wish we’d had sex, it would have been fun.
Wow, sounds like a turned-on woman, yes?
Okay, now, my client was being a little hard on himself after he got her email. He did not realize she was so attracted to him, and he was thinking that he should have escalated, and that he missed his chance.
But you see, he didn’t miss his chance. In fact, if you ask me, without even realizing it, he handled this whole situation perfectly. And that’s what a LOT of guys in the community DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Sure, there are some women who are up for hot, immediate sex, but many of us — dare I say, most of us — want to enjoy the process of seduction.
We want you to BUILD THE SEXUAL TENSION. We want to play some kind of role in our own seduction. We want to feel like we chose you.
My experience at Project Hollywood this past week was a good example. I could have had sex with a LOT of different guys there. At one point, I found myself in the hot tub with FIVE unbelievably attractive men, and I had a lot of other flirtations there as well. None of them escalated all the way to intercourse. And a lot of pickup coaches would say that is a bad thing, that the guys “should have closed the deal” and all that BS.
I don’t agree. What has happened now is that I actually have some space to really APPRECIATE the connections I made at the Summit, and I notice myself feeling very attracted to some of the guys where sex could have happened but didn’t. Several guys have mentioned seeing me again. In the next situation where we find ourselves together, who knows what will happen? My point is that they did NOT hurt their chances by not pushing sex on me. If anything, their chances of having sex with me went UP. Because I had an amazing time with them, and they respected where I was at, and I feel cared for as a person, which gives me the space and trust to feel sexual attraction and intrigue.
So after my client told me this story, this is what I told him:
Thanks, this is what we’ll work on in the next session, releasing guilt and inner conflicts about your ability to use sex in a way that serves the highest good of everyone involved. Honestly I think this door is still wide open with this girl. When I’ve sent a message to a guy with a sentence like the last one here, it means I’m very very attracted to him — and not at a superficial level. Now we release the remaining guilt and fear that she will “want more than you do” if you sleep with her so we can ensure staying aligned with the highest good of both of you, cuz that way you won’t get the “post-sex nightmare” where the girl regrets it. And btw tapping is a rapid rapport builder that absolutely can help you with women so long as you stay in alignment. It’s like taking a cold or warm read to a whole new level :)
Fast forward several weeks …
This morning, I woke out of a deep sleep and checked my iPhone, where I found this text message waiting for me from the same client mentioned above:
“Just had the most amazing sex ever.”
Well, if that isn’t music to the ears of any self-respecting seduction coach lol :)
But I didn’t know which girl he was talking about, until he sent a second text message that made it clear that it was the SAME GIRL we talked about above, in that situation where he thought he had “blown it.”
And he said: “You were so right. Came into the apartment and just went at it. Went at it again this morning.”
I asked him which part I was right about, and he said: “Right about her. You told me it’s quite possible it will still be on when I see her again.”
Yeah. Exactly. Not only was it quite possible. It’s very likely that she was actually MORE turned on because of the several weeks of time that she had to savor the sexual tension before they saw each other again.
And this, guys, is where all that caveman shit totally misses the mark. Most of us women don’t want “wham bam thank you ma’am.” We really want to enjoy the experience of seduction. And that magical enjoyment and delicious build-up is what you won’t create if you insist on believing the pickup myth “I must have sex with her as fast as possible.”
To borrow a phrase from my new friend, Sasha Daygame, “it’s fucking bullshit, guys.”