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Breaking the "Rules" and Speaking My Truth

There’s something I’ve been noticing about the dating and relationship industry. Once people become coaches, they rarely — if ever — share their own personal challenges with you. Has anyone else noticed this?

It’s almost like there is this unwritten rule that, to be a coach or a healer, one must pretend that one’s own life is already perfect. Otherwise, how can we have any credibility to coach other people?

But this often leads to a lifelessness in the coach or healer’s writing. To read some websites, you’d think the author (if male) does nothing other than bang “10s” every night of the week and feels deeply fulfilled by doing so. Yet the writing lacks a certain authenticity, at least from where I sit. Some coaches may, sadly, be self-censoring anything in their own current experience that would deeply resonate with everyone else, for fear of what others would think of them, for fear of showing weakness. Or they’ll write with passion about “other people’s” problems without acknowledging their own.

Sometimes it seems we have forgotten that the teacher and the student are always one and the same.

I’m very consciously going to continue to break this unwritten rule on this blog. I personally am not buying it. Every coach and healer I know — while having much to offer their students — could also be living their own life even more full-out than they already are. Every single one has a truckload of limiting beliefs. And every single one of them still has moments of anger, disappointment, and frustration.

The reason I can help people is that I taught myself how to go from utter despair to a very high level of empowerment, and I know how to teach other people to do the same. I’m not going to sit here and pretend to be perfect. To the extent that challenges continue to appear, I consider each and every one of them to be an opportunity to learn more about how belief systems operate, how our past is dampening the present moment, and how to clear that crap out so that the present moment continues to feel more and more glorious.

But today I feel angry. I feel lividly angry.

I feel angry that my parents didn’t know what the f*ck they were doing. I feel angry that the energy I grew up around was so toxic that it made it difficult for me to let people get close to me. I feel angry with my mother for not dealing with her own issues before having children. I feel angry when I hear what other people had to tolerate as children. It’s no wonder they feel powerless now.

I feel furious that so many of us have been living under a shroud of guilt our entire lives, constantly being forced to conform to a system of “clock time” and minute rules and regulations that make little, if any, sense.

I feel angry that so many of us are scared to be fully honest, for fear of being punished, disgraced, or judged.

I feel livid that, when we incarnated here, we did such a good job of pulling the wool over our own eyes, that many people are still blindly suffering. It’s all made up, this world we live in, it’s a virtual reality that can be changed by changing our subconscious beliefs. But most people are still living as its victim, with no hope and seeing no way out, and I feel sad that we haven’t reached everyone yet, to tell them the good news that the nightmarish Dream is almost over.

I feel rage remembering that the Buddha said “life is suffering,” as if there’s nothing we can do about it but emotionally detach. I see in my coaching work what has happened to people who emotionally detached. They’re still carrying around tons of negative emotions, but the feelings are suppressed down so far that they are not even able to access them.

I feel angry with people who say “love is painful.” Love is not meant to be painful, and I feel angry at the idea that we’re just supposed to accept that as some sort of excuse for inexcusable things.

I feel tired of living life the same old way and ready for something really amazing and new, and I feel frustrated with how stubborn some subconscious patterns can be. The ego is an expert at resisting change.

Now that I got all that anger out, I feel sad. I’m going to take a moment to feel my sadness.

Ok, I’m back. I still feel sad, but now feelings of gratitude are coming in, too.

I feel grateful for everyone who has supported this blog since I started it nearly a year ago. I feel appreciative of all the comments, the emails, and the invitations that have poured in.

I feel amazed that every single time I post on here or Facebook asking for help with technology or marketing or anything else, I receive a flood of helpful suggestions and volunteers.

I feel thrilled that I broke a life-long pattern of thinking “I’m not the entrepreneur type” and that I finally have a rapidly growing coaching practice. I feel thrilled to know I am helping people change their lives quickly and that others won’t have to go through the long process of struggle and frustration that I did.

I feel grateful for the Divine Guidance that I have received every single day since my near-death experience, and especially over the past year.

I am excited to see what happens over the next year. It is fully my intention to revolutionize the dating and relationship industry with the knowledge I’ve gained over the past five years. It’s going to be amazing :-)

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. tinque says:

    It's beautiful that you wish to be authentic and not pretend to be perfect. Yet I wonder who it is that you read and/or listen to who proclaim this.
    Most "advice givers" I've encountered give their own stories including their current and/or ongoing struggles so that others may relate and not feel so alone.

  2. blahblah says:

    very nice to listen to the expression of genuine anger.

  3. SMoKeLioN says:

    "anger is more usefull than despair"
    - the terminator

  4. Michael says:

    "I'm very consciously going to continue to break this unwritten rule on this blog."

    I hope so. Your story is the reason I read this blog.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for sharing.

    I feel the same way about dating coaches.
    When I started taking the advice of the seduction community, I also started an emotional journey that came about from suddenly being in new kinds of relationships. All of a sudden I was connecting with many beautiful women. I came face-to-face with my own emotional weakness.

    The seduction community and its

  6. Glenn says:

    Brilliant! Honesty is delicious

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