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10 Dating Mistakes that Will Lose You the Girl

10 Dating Mistakes That Will Lose You the Girl … No Matter How Excited She Was to Meet You … Are You SURE You Want to Wear Those White Tennis Shoes On the First Date?

erika awakeningIt’s pretty common these days for people to meet online. Even if you’re like me, and not into online dating per se, there are lots of “organic” ways to meet people online now through social networking, blogging, and other venues. You can even build a lot of sexual attraction online, if you know what you are doing. At the end of the day though, a relationship if it’s progressing is going to involve being IN PERSON. No matter how smooth a talker you may have become on the internet, make sure you can deliver on your “internet persona” when you wind up in person with the woman. Otherwise, as we are going to talk about here, you will lose the girl the instant you meet. This stuff cannot be faked. If you are making the 10 dating mistakes discussed in this post, you don’t have a superficial problem. You have a deep inner game problem that is going to require committed inner game transformation. Please don’t get discouraged though – this is what my EFT tapping system is designed to correct … so let’s get straight to it …

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    Dating Mistake #1 – Do NOT, absolutely do NOT under any circumstances, wear white tennis shoes to the first date

So maybe you’ve been interested in this woman for quite a while. You were attracted to her in part because of her photographs online. In these photographs, she is wearing stylish dresses and stilettos. Her fingers and toes are always manicured. Maybe she just put a bunch of time and energy into having the nicest body of her lifetime. You got “buy in” before the first date, and she’s excited to meet you. She’s gone out of her way to get new dresses and lingerie so you can enjoy how sexy she looks.

And you show up for the first date looking like a computer programmer and wearing … white tennis shoes. Dude, do you seriously not see that you just blew yourself out of the water? Wearing white tennis shoes to a first date says loud and clear: “I don’t care if you’re attracted to me. I have no social intelligence. I can’t be bothered to look good for you.” And you just killed attraction. Now she is already wondering if she is going to have to get rid of you. She’s already thinking about how she can avoid having you meet her friends because she does not want to be embarrassed by the disparity between how she presents herself and how you present yourself.

Whatever you do, guys, do NOT wear white tennis shoes to the first date. Do not dress like a computer programmer. I don’t care how you are rationalizing it to yourself. I don’t care if it’s “more comfortable.” I don’t care if you were traveling. It’s not going to fly. You are not going to get a second date. Don’t do it.

If you need fashion help, and the truth is that most men DO need fashion help, please check out my friend DJ Fuji’s article about this here.
too much pressure in dating and relationships

    Dating Mistake #2 – Do NOT cloud or misrepresent who you are online

Are you still posting profile pictures of yourself from decades ago? Are you posting only photographs that don’t give anyone a really good view of what you look like in person?

Are you bragging to her – explicitly or through implied commentary – about the size of your endowment or bank account? Are you making her think you make seven figures when you don’t? Are you still resting on your laurels of your accomplishments from 10-15 years ago?

If you cloud or misrepresent who you are online, what do you think is going to happen when you finally meet her in person?
Get ready for her face to fall when she sets eyes on you. You show up and you are older, shorter, and scrawnier than she expected … and to top it all off, you just had to wear those white tennis shoes. Meanwhile, she is wearing her flattering and fashionable dress and is feeling absolutely horrified.

If you represented yourself as wealthy, well endowed, confident, and powerful online – and now you show up in person is barely getting by, resting on your laurels from years ago, no fashion sense, meek and mild, with no clear life purpose and nothing interesting to talk about … You’re not going to get a second date. You’re done. Who you are and who you represent yourself to be online MUST match up if anyone is going to trust you at all.

It’s not any different than a 200-pound obese woman representing to men that she is slender and then not understanding why they feel deceived and don’t want to date her again.

Do not make this fatal dating mistake. Instead, do the opposite. Put lots of recent candid snapshots online that show your entire body and relative to other people. You don’t have to put the ugliest photos of yourself online, but it is a good idea to let people know what you actually look like living your real life. Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

dating mistakes

    Dating Mistake #3 – Do NOT be passive

Now if you’ve already made mistakes #1 and #2, the chances that you are going to be able to recover from them are slim to zero. Not because they can’t be recovered from, but because you don’t get it. You don’t get it at such a level that it’s going to require some pretty powerful coaching. But let’s just say you had enough “buy in” before the date that she’s still giving you a chance to prove yourself.

Then being passive is going to destroy your last fleeting chance. Being passive means, you take no initiative to plan and lead activities. You mumble so she has to ask you over and over again to repeat yourself. You allow long awkward silences in conversation so she either has to be bored out of her skull or do all the work of making conversation. You have no clear sense of purpose in your life, and you are constantly approval seeking with her.

Dude, you are done. You’re done. The vast majority of women do not respect a passive man. He goes squarely in the friend zone and he doesn’t get out of the friend zone. Get some coaching, for f*ck’s sake.

A classic hallmark I have seen in hundreds of passive men from around the world at workshops I have coached at is this: a passive guy has to think about what he says before he says it. If this is you, if words do not spontaneously pour out of your mouth without having to think about it, YOU NEED COACHING. Living in denial is not going to help you get the girl. Be humble enough to get the help you need.

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Taking a more relaxed approach to relationships with Erika Awakening

    Dating Mistake #4 – Do NOT act creepy

Do not put private photographs of her bedroom online without her permission. Do not befriend her friends in hopes you’re going to get sex that way indirectly. Do not ask leading questions on social media that bring attention to yourself as someone who was sexually involved with her, unless you already clearly have her attraction and consent (which you don’t).

Do not … oh God the list goes on … all of these things arise out of the fact that you have turned her into some kind of “idol” and “object.” You are not even seeing her as a person. You are seeing her as an object that you can acquire. You may think it’s very spiritual but it’s not. It’s creepy. Stop it.

    Dating Mistake #5 – Do NOT have bad breath

If at this point you’re lucky enough that she’s still giving you a chance, you are going to kill it completely if she does not want to kiss you. And she does NOT want to kiss you when you have chronic bad breath. Would you want to kiss you? Probably not.

For goodness sakes, get some chewing gum or SOMETHING to solve the problem. Don’t be so socially unaware that you don’t even realize you have bad breath.

    Dating Mistake #6 – Do NOT attempt to trade being “nice” for getting sex

You are not going to get a woman sexually attracted to you by being “nice.” I see an epidemic among intellectual and spiritual men who are indecisive, wishy-washy, and nice. They seem to think they can trade favors for sex. That is not how it works. If you are sincerely okay with the fact that you are now in the friend zone, and you sincerely just enjoy doing things for her, and you can TRULY BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT THIS … then okay. Real friendship is a great thing. But doing nice things because you think she is going to “come around” and see that she should have sex with you … is just killing the attraction even more.

The truth is that “niceness” is a cover-up for repressed anger. And “nice” guys almost invariably turn into “passive aggressive” guys because inside they are secretly seething with anger. You need help – get the help you need NOW.

dating mistakes

    Dating Mistake #7 – Do NOT ignore her clearly-stated “must haves” in a man

If the woman you are interested in has done her own self-development work, and has clarity about what she wants in a man and a relationship … you ignoring her clearly stated desires is just plain disrespectful. Even worse is when you pretend that you meet her requirements (for example, by exaggerating your business experience) when in fact you have no interest in meeting them. She is going to feel unheard, unseen .. and most likely disgusted.

If she wants to be with a tall guy, and you’re not tall … you’ve really got to ask yourself. Do you want to persuade a woman who is not attracted to you to “settle” for you anyway? Seriously? No, if you were in your right mind, you would never want that. You need to go do your own inner game work and forget about women for a while (learn more about my inner game programs here).

    Dating Mistake #8 – Do NOT buy flowers for a woman who has told you she is not sexually interested

If the woman is already lukewarm, and you buy her flowers or do other romantic things, all it does is put more pressure on the relationship. It makes you look needy and like you are ignoring her clearly stated desires and needs. It makes you look like you are not socially aware. It makes it look like you are trying to “guilt” her into having sex with you. It will not work. Stop it.

    Dating Mistake #9 – Do NOT try to impress her with accomplishments from decades ago

If you are bragging about money you once made, and now you appear to have no life purpose whatsoever … do not expect her to be impressed. Especially if she IS living her purpose. Does this really need to be explained? There is almost no put-together woman on the planet who wants to date a guy whose last major accomplishment was ten years ago. He feels needy and clingy, glomming on to her purpose because he has none of his own.

Go out and develop your own purpose first, and THEN connect with women. Don’t even try to put the cart before the horse because it will not work. Get the coaching you need.
dating mistakes

    Dating Mistake #10 – Do NOT get her to buy your meals

What are you, a house husband with no income of your own? Come on. Sure, don’t go out of your way to take her out to dinner if she’s not romantically interested in you. And it’s fine if she cooks you dinner when you are being the man in the relationship, as her way of giving back. But don’t passively sit around while she cooks meal after meal for you and you don’t even offer to take her out to dinner. When you fail to take initiative and be a decisive and interesting co-participant in this relationship, she will feel exhausted doing the work for you, and she will put you squarely in the friend zone. And for God’s sakes, don’t get her to pay for your meals. Unless you want the complete loss of attraction to go beyond the point of no return … which as you can tell, it has.

So there we have it. Are you making these common and disastrous dating mistakes? Then it’s time to get some help.

erika awakeningWe could list many other dating mistakes here but you get the idea. The main theme running through all of these is that you simply must develop social awareness and empathy, and you simply MUST NOT make a woman the center of your world, ESPECIALLY at the beginning of a relationship. You must develop your own purpose first so you can show up as a powerful equal in the relationship. Or else it’s going to be DUDE, GAME OVER.

Stop being so arrogant or in denial that you don’t get the help you need. Help is available, and we all need to be humble enough to get it.

Oh and by the way, we forgot to cover on especially deadly dating mistake, the biggest one of all. Dishonesty. Always be honest in your attempts to attract women. It’s not worth it hurting people. You can read here about the perils of attracting women with dishonesty.

Now if you’re ready to take your skills in attracting women to the NEXT LEVEL, they you can’t afford to miss my 30-Day Sexual Abundance Challenge. In this powerful 30-Day EFT tapping streaming video program, we release the emotional baggage that prevents many people from claiming their true sexual power. It’s one of my most popular video programs, and you will love it! :)

Love,

erika awakening

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Andrew says:

    .”You mumble so she has to ask you over and over again to repeat yourself. You allow long awkward silences in conversation so she either has to be bored out of her skull or do all the work of making conversation. ”

    That part confuses me, because both men and women alike say a conversation is a 2-way street, so basically, in a nutshell, it’s the man that needs to have social-skills, conversation-skills, not the woman? or it’s just the man has to have better social-skills and conversation-skills than the woman does? the man prevents all awkward silences and pauses, fills in all gaps of conversation?

    Because I learned a few years ago that “listening”, being a better listener is essential, imperative for improving conversation, i got this from a book:

    “Everything that comes out of her mouth, is basically she’s giving you clues, giving you an indication as to what she is doing, so you can expand on that, and use that as continuing the conversation, your basically using the material she speaks out when she’s talking to you back on her rather than thinking of what to say next, it’s about being in the moment, being present.”

    “If you are able to listen to what a woman is saying, and I mean really LISTEN, then you’ll be able to comment on it, because it is going to bring out an emotion, a story, or some way of connecting to it. And whats what a conversation is, it’s two people sharing experiences, thoughts and stories, and as a result, they both feel more of a connection when the conversation ends.
    “Let’s think about the flow of a conversation with a woman. When you’re having a good conversation with a woman, you’ll talk, she’ll talk, you’ll talk, she reacts to what you say, you react to what she says, and the conversation moves forward. It feels natural and doesn’t require lines or canned routines.
    You definetley don’t keep talking about the opener, which i know a lot of guys get stuck on. Many guys get trapped, because they are so focused on remembering this great opener they just learned, and they pulled it off, but then completely find themselves out of anything to say. And then they’ll find themselves in the worst situation ever. Silence. Awkward silence that seems to last forever, because they don’t know what to say, because they were not listening”

  2. This is a great list. I’m kinda glad that I’m not in the dating scene any longer.

  3. Jessica Savinggreenmama says:

    Ha! I love the first one. Don't wear white tennis shoes. Funny, but true!

  4. Diego Canale says:

    My take on #7: the problem is that 90% of good looking women, most of us guys feel attracted to and really want to date, want a tall and handsome guy…

  5. kASH PANDE says:

    I’m in agreement with Richard on this one. Your writing is inflammatory, clearly designed to spark debate and get click-throughs on links to websites which help you make money (as is SO IMPORTANT in the “Start Here” section). So much shallowness here… and yet you claim to believe in oneness and god?

    • Erika Awakening says:

      I suppose you won’t mind then that I edited out your backlink? After all I’m sure you didn’t post for that reason …

  6. Richard says:

    Although I am in agreement with the advice given here I find it awkward having just read your article about monogamy. As you stated most people are not ready to accept the fact that monogamy is a problem (and so would be polygamy in the sens of owning many women), and a big one to say the least. Maybe my interpretation is wrong but I don’t see how these advices reflect non shallowness. Maybe the type of meet-up you refer to are to thin a slice in a world of diversity. Anyway I don’t see why any honest person would need any of that. Still fun reading you. Have a nice day.

    • Actually Richard, I see it the opposite. The dating mistakes highlighted in the article are forms of shallowness. For example, “niceness” is the opposite of authenticity. Continuing to wear clothes that perhaps one learned how to wear from one’s parents instead of developing a unique sense of style and expression … is another form of superficiality. I would see this whole article as an invitation for people to go deeper. Instead of going through the motions.

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