Mark Manson aka Entropy PUA Guest Blog: Sharing Is Caring – About Open Relationships
Here is the original Mark Manson aka Entropy PUA guest post from 2008:
I’m going to start a series about non-traditional relationships, and what better way to kick this off than to share (with his permission) an email I received from Mark Manson aka Entropy PUA, whose blog is linked to mine and is among the best PUA blogs I’ve seen. Mark Manson aka Entropy PUA has got the usual aspects of game nailed, but he adds a dimension that many PUAs don’t, which is the capacity for emotional intimacy and deeper connection. He also just so happens to be very hot. Mmmmm… Check out Mark Manson aka Entropy PUA at [defunct link to his blog].
So over to Mark Manson aka Entropy PUA:
“My girlfriend and I are in, what I guess you would call an ‘open relationship,’ although I don’t think a label does what we have justice.
“She and I have two fuck buddies together (both girls), one of which we’re kind of getting involved with and may end up in a triad with us. The other has a boyfriend, although she’s takes the weak route and doesn’t tell him she has threesomes with us. We’re 100% honest and open about EVERYTHING with each other. We always tell the other person if we’ve been with other people or if we have intentions to be with other people. She has veto power. As do I. We both agree we’re each other’s first priority. Sometimes we use the veto power, often we don’t.
“In reality, it FEELS monogamous 90% of the time. When it comes down to it, I’d rather be with her than any other girl I’ve come across and I really have to meet a great girl to be willing to complicate things for. (That’s why I said I don’t view simply pulling a same night lay as ‘success’ anymore — there really has to be something to the girl for me to care now).
“What you need to check out is the concept, ‘Polyamory.’ There’s a great book of the same name by a guy named Anthony Ravenscroft. You should check it out.
“The idea behind it is basically emotional libertarianism. For instance, if I’m in love with you, I accept you unconditionally — everything and all that you are. If you desire to be with another man, who am I to step in and say you have no right? That desire is part of you, and ostensibly, I accept that desire as part of you. On the contrary, I should love and cherish that desire as much as any other desire you may have. This is where you get the seemingly ‘crazy’ scenarios where one boyfriend will advise and help console his girlfriend over her relationship with another guy.
“I really believe relationship jealousy and possessiveness are borne out of insecurity and unhealthy co-dependence. If there’s anything the seduction community’s given me, it’s given me the ability to fall in love with whomever I want while never NEEDING them at the same time. It’s because I’ve separated my sense self-worth and value from the person I’m in a relationship with. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart, but if she was gone tomorrow — although I’d be crushed — my desires and lifestyle would hardly change. I’d probably just start sarging more.
“The catch with all of this is that it’s far easier said than done. Primal emotions and instincts kick in often and feelings get hurt. This kind of relationship requires constant and persistent communication — not just communication, but the painfully blunt, honest kind, which most people suck at.
“It’s harder. It requires more communication, self esteem and emotional fortitude for all parties involved. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Traditional monogamy just seems like insanity to me now.”
– Mark Manson aka Mark Postmasculine aka Entropy PUA
Amen, Entropy PUA aka Mark Manson. This is the sort of relationship in which I could see myself.
Update August 2014: Who knew this post would the beginning of such a long and painful saga between Mark Manson and me, read more here:
How Not to Attract Women with Dishonesty Mark Manson
How to Attract Women the Right Way
Love,
hi Karin,
Welcome to the blog, it’s so nice to have more women like yourself starting to find it and comment.
I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about what led me here, so perhaps it’ll end up in a blog entry very soon.
So glad to hear about your successes with EFT. It really is a miracle.
Love,
Erika
This is the kind of relationship I would want in the future! I am far from ready for it now though!!!
Erika, I just wanted to say, I’ve read your entire blog from start to finish in the past hour. I’ve become really interested in EFT lately, and after one million obsessive google searches on it I happened upon the RSD thread on it. Being intrigued by your posts, I went onto your blog, and now I’m here. I’m glad I did! I found it really inspiring, and it makes me wish I knew you in real life! I hope one day to have achieved the same mindstate that you have now (minus the celibacy, lol, can’t ever see that being for me!). And, since I found the amazing EFT therapist I have now, the day may not be as far away as I once thought… from constant depression and anxiety to the calm and hopefulness and enthusiasm for life again that I have now after just one session… And this is only the beginning! EFT is exciting stuff! I’d love to know more about how you got to the place where you are now though, you don’t mention it much in the blog.
Anyway, I just wanted to show my appreciation. Keep posting!!!
Hi tquid,
Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. It feels good to me to hear someone else see the parallels between NVC and pickup. And I love your idea of a course on “NVC Seduction.” I’m on it.
For the uninitiated, ” ’07 IIT” refers to the 10-day Intensive International Training in Non-Violent Communication with Marshall Rosenberg that we attended in Albuquerque, New Mexico in December 2007. A transformative experience all around. You can learn more about Marshall and NVC on the http://www.cnvc.org website.
Re monogamy, it’s an open question for me, but I still have some serious reservations about whether it is ultimately a workable framework. I’m still very influenced by that quote from A Course in Miracles:
“It is sure that those who select certain ones as partners in any aspect of living, and use them for any purpose which they would not share with others, are trying to live with guilt rather than die of it. This is the choice they see. And love, to them, is only an escape from death. They seek it desperately, but not in the peace in which it would gladly come quietly to them. And when they find the fear of death is still upon them, the love relationship loses the illusion that it is what it is not. When the barricades against it are broken, fear rushes in and hatred triumphs.”
I’m open though, not sure how this will all play out and deeply intrigued by the possibilities.
You’re absolutely right on the point about monogamy TQuid. I wasn’t giving it enough credit.
entropy4.blogspot.com
Hi Erika,
I’m responding to this post and your request to the ’07 IIT folks for reflection.
Great blog so far, though I’ve only read a couple of posts. I’m a lifelong “polyamorist” myself.
I don’t share your querent’s belief that monogamy is based in insecurity. I believe that compulsory monogamy is enforced by insecurity, fear, shame, etc.–the usual tools of dominator culture.
It’s my experience that “monogamy” is a far more fluid expression than some may give it credit for–talk to any two couples and you’ll see they have very different standards (hopefully not too different within the couple!). Porn may be OK, or not, or even going out with the guys to a strip club, or whether he freaks out if she hangs out socially with an ex, etc.
I think it’s best for anyone to be clear and explicit about what they want, and what they want to avoid, in a relationship. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here.
Delighted to see your having an effect in a community like RSD Nation. I read How to Succeed with Women (well, still haven’t finished it) a while ago and did a lot of NVC “translating” to get through it, but I also found that there were significant parts that didn’t need translation–so much of it is about connecting with your own needs and not apologizing for them. Good stuff.
Thanks again, I’ll be following your blog.
Rori,
Thanks so much for commenting. I am with you 100 percent. How liberating it is to free ourselves from shoulds and open up to the possibilities!
Lots of love,
Erika
Fabulous post. Brings up all kinds of questions. No more assumptions. Just the questions – “What feels good?” And “What do I REALLY want?” – not “What am I SUPPOSED to want?”
We have so much more power and so many more options than we know – or can even imagine. Love, Rori