Oh That Crazy Intuition! Now It Says Go Into 10 Days of Silent Meditation
“Words will mean little now.” – A Course in Miracles
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.” – Henry David Thoreau
Once upon a time, I was a passionate writer. This passion began when I was a wee tot, maybe only three years old. I’d have to check with my mom to be certain of when I began to write. It was very young.
It is no secret to those who understand healing that words actually are a form of separation. Does that mean we do not use words in healing? No, of course not. We are practical. There are many people who need to be reached by words, still as yet unable to understand through direct experience.
And yet, more and more, I find words exhausting. I’m not sure where that leaves me as a blogger lol. Perhaps the blog just gradually fades away at this point … I don’t know …
So today I was out receiving a Thai massage. Then I went to the post office to pick up a check I was expecting and get it on the way to my bank … And the idea came to go into 10 days of silent meditation. Of course it won’t be entirely silent. I have client coaching sessions scheduled, and I will continue to respond to any client or customer emails. I will still record some new EFT tapping videos.
Other than that though, I’m deep in the woods anyway …
So why not go as deep into it as I can … why not fill my days with silence, meditation, EFT tapping, yin yoga, walks in the woods, soaks in the hot tub, and thai massage … and see what if anything comes out of this silence.
After all, I feel myself more and more resonating with what John Lennon said. “I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round …”
I feel unwilling to play any of the “games” that other people are playing. I don’t want to play the Facebook “likes” and “edge rank” game. I don’t want to play the Google game. I don’t want to play the dating and relationships game. I don’t want to play the marketing game. All of it feels exhausting to me … and pointless.
Now of course the left brain had to throw in its objections. “How are you going to make money, Erika? … you have big bills coming due.” And I have to remind myself again and again that I quit my job three and a half years ago and no bill of mine has ever gone unpaid.
It still feels challenging to walk in faith, even now.
“You can’t just do NOTHING, Erika, and expect life to take care of itself.”
Even now as I type this blog post, I can feel the fear arising from my stomach up through my heart and into my throat. I feel butterflies. The ego HATES silence and doing nothing. The ego wants us all to keep running on the hamster wheel. Hamster wheel of play not really much different from the hamster wheel of work. What the ego absolutely does not want anyone to do is SIT STILL AND DO NOTHING.
And why do you suppose that is? Why do people who attempt to do a Vipassana 10-day silent meditation retreat often feel like they are going crazy the first few days?
Maybe it’s time to find out … :D I can’t promise I’ll do this for a full 10 days of silent meditation. “A healed mind does not plan.” I’m just going to start the experiment, and see what happens.