Gosh, it’s awfully cute the comments I’ve been getting about vulnerability, from Anonymous and Gone Savage in particular. In case you missed the comments, both of them were saying how much they miss the vulnerable Erika (“I miss the more spiritual tone of Erika’s earlier posts and that vulnerable space of sharing…”).
When I have a little more time, too, I want to answer GS’s question about non-violent communication and praise. The short answer is that of course praise, appreciation, and admiration are practices we want to continue. It’s just that the intention with which we use them changes. They are no longer used with the expectation that the other person is going to reciprocate in some way. It becomes all about pure in-the-moment enjoyment of another person. And, yes, GS, I have a lot to say about the teachings of pickup regarding “doing something in order to get someone else to do what we want.” I just flat out don’t believe in that.
Which brings me back to vulnerability. Of course I love the days when I feel fully open to the world, and soft, and loving … and even the days like yesterday when I feel sensitive and touchy and raw … where I go quiet because I’m worried that my ego will do the talking.
And of course, as GS suggests, I focus primarily on do’s rather than don’ts. I keep my attention on what I want rather than what I don’t want. Because whatever we focus on expands. (That, btw, is why appreciation, admiration, and praise are so important. They keep our attention on things that we like about people, and people tend to blossom in that kind of energy.)
But all that said, there are also days for toughness. Sometimes, in order to say yes to what we really want, it is important first to say no to what we don’t want. I have found that it can be a very slippery slope, especially in romantic relationships. The guy starts doing or saying things that are triggering a lot of discomfort in me (whether it’s intentionally fucking with me or just being wishy washy about what he wants), and sometimes staying in that conversation is just going to make things worse. Because the more uncomfortable I feel, the more challenging it’s going to be for me to stay vulnerable and open to men. As a woman, it’s important that I be very internally clear about what feels good to me and what doesn’t so that I can stay on solid ground regardless of what any man is doing. In other words:
Sometimes a woman simply must say no to what she doesn’t want.
Doing that clears the space to allow into her life what she does want. It clears the space for a guy she already knows to step up, or for an entirely new guy to step in.
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
If you liked this article, you will LOVE Erika's EFT tapping video products and coaching ... Get Started Now: