How radical honesty and EFT tapping make it easy to have the “relationship talk” and the “sex talk”
Ah, how I used to dread having the “relationship talk” … I dreaded the talk so much that I often did not have it at all. And that led to all kinds of problems. The truth is, I did not have the clarity about my values to have these talks. And I did not feel worthy of getting what I really wanted, so I thought it was not okay even to ask for what I wanted. I had been taught that the man is supposed to “lead” and that I should not even express what I want. This was reinforced by a variety of misguided dating coaches that I thought were “experts.”
Ultimately, it was my intuition and a lot of EFT tapping that led me out of this quagmire. As my values became more and more clear, and I began to see the benefits of radical honesty in every area of life – including the phenomenal success of my business – I began to see that I had given my power away by listening to these so-called “dating experts.” And if I wanted to start getting what I want in relationships, it would be necessary to stop holding back, start speaking my truth, and draw very clear boundaries if the other person could not or would not be a good match. Good God, when I think of all the heartache I could have saved myself by employing this totally common sense approach from the very beginning of my dating life …
So … when you meet someone you are really excited about, does it become really difficult to talk about things like condoms, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, and your “future” as a couple? Is it hard to talk about who is going to visit whom, when, and how? Does it feel uncomfortable to talk about how you want to have sex and how quickly you want it to happen?
Then this article is for you. Trust me, I know how it feels to not want to “go there.” Fear that talking too much is going to “ruin everything,” put “too much pressure on the other person,” cause them to run away … and all of that is BULLSHIT. Do you really want to get months in to an intimate relationship only to discover that the other person was never on the same page as you? Do you really want to get involved with someone who can’t handle honest and straightforward communication? I never want that to happen again. As far as I’m concerned, if you are not on the same page, you may as well know that from the beginning and not get involved in the first place. No man or woman, no matter how attractive he or she is, is worth the sacrifice of your happiness and peace of mind. You may as well talk about the most “difficult” issues from the very get-go, as a way of screening your partners to see whether it is worth your precious time and energy to get involved … at least that is my philosophy nowadays.
As I mentioned recently, a man who first connected with me back in September and has been developing a relationship with me since then, finally “made his move” in the past couple of weeks to take our relationship to the next level. He had an elaborate dream in which he saw us together in many locations, and he shared this with me with his intention that this become reality. Thus began our relationship talks, which are still continuing.
Now, this man had already met all of my “must haves” that I described in this article, so we were starting on a solid foundation from the very beginning. Since then, I learned that he has extensive experience with profound sexual healing practices, which makes him all the more attractive to me.
And in the past few days, I have been able to bring up and resolve with him the following “difficult” relationship talk issues:
- That I don’t want to have a “long distance” relationship and that we needed to meet in person and confirm our compatibility if we were going to move forward with this. He responded by planning a visit for my birthday and explaining how he saw our possibilities for proceeding after that.
- The relationship talk about sexual health and preference for not using condoms, confirming that we are both healthy and on the same page.
- The relationship talk about what kind of partnership we are envisioning, and how it would work geographically.
- The fact that I probably will be ovulating when he is here, because I do not want him to be “ambushed” by this.
- Sharing sexual visions and connecting energetically on the sexual plane.
- The relationship talk about daily preferences like sleep habits and the fact that neither one of us watches television or engages in meaningless socializing.
- The relationship talk about how we are going to handle it if egoic pain-body patterns get triggered in either one of us.
- The relationship talk about how quickly sex may or may not move, and preferences in those areas.
- And a lot more … all in less than two weeks.
Phew! Breathing a huge sigh of relief being on the same page about everything and not having to “guess” or do silly “mind reading” when the person is right there waiting to be asked what they want and what they are willing to do or not do.
Honestly, I do not know how it would ever have been possible for me to have conversations like this without fear, hesitation, and shame, without the benefit of my 30-Day Challenges. In fact, I find myself opening all these topics spontaneously, I am not even able to hold myself back anymore. And the exact right words come to me that are not presumptuous and mutually respectful and open to whatever answer he might have given me, knowing my values and boundaries are so clear that I simply will not get myself in a “bad” situation ever again.
In particular, I know that the 30-Day Effective Communication Challenge was hugely important to the development of my voice, and that the last three Challenges were so powerful in opening me to love and sex again.
Anyway, it’s an exciting time and I’m excited to see how this all unfolds … :)
Erika Awakening, High Priestess of Miracles at TAPsmarter
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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