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Full Circle

And now the pendulum is swinging back in the direction of … staying celibate.

Tried and true formula for meeting a whole lot of needs, for four years and four months now.

Keeps me centered. Keeps me free. Keeps my heart open to everyone.

It’s a practice that seems like a keeper. ;-)

Note to aspiring seducers: The window of seduction is a precious window of vulnerability, when a woman’s heart is open. When you see that window open, it’s time to man up and lead her to you. If you miss that window, and the girl is me, she’ll be gone.

Feminine energy needs a safe space in which to play. When I don’t feel that safe space (which I get from transparency, attention, appreciation, affection, and so forth), my heart tends to shut down a little bit. Ironically, the more I like a guy, the more vulnerable I feel, which makes it even more challenging to keep my heart open. That’s why I said to you guys to be transparent and not to make a girl guess.

Or to boil down to the essence: I got scared and pulled back. In my ideal world, I wouldn’t get scared anymore about anything. But I still do sometimes. That’s ok, it’s just where I’m at right now.

Although … I’m also a big believer in redemption and do-overs. A guy emailed me a week ago or so and asked whether I’d be willing to start all over again with him. And I said of course, I *love* do-overs. :-) We are in a time of growing consciousness, people are changing fast, and I believe relationships can be recreated in amazing ways.

Ok, Ottimista here I come…..

****************************************

Postscript about my evening at Ottimista. I was out with a guy, and I was blown away once again by the power of honesty.

Me: You know, I am celibate, but if I ever have sex again, I really don’t want to use a condom. It feels so impersonal. It’s like shaking hands with a rubber glove on. It’s like saying yes I want to be super intimate with you but let me put this barrier between us.

Him: We don’t have to use a condom. I don’t mind if you get pregnant with me. I’ll have a baby with you.

Lol :-)

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Tavia says:

    People should read this.

  2. Erika says:

    Escalator, you said: “women have almost always more options then men. I doubt that it’s your spiritual work that’s the cause.”

    Actually, this is one of the myths out there. I wish men and women were reading each other’s relationship boards because there’d be more understanding and compassion, I think. If you read girl boards and blogs, women are struggling with the same ego limitations that men are. Sometimes they take different form, but you look slightly below form and the real issues are the same.

    It is the spiritual work. I have in the past year become a human magnet. I don’t say this to boast because it would happen for anyone who clears out lots of their judgments. People (men and women) approach me constantly now. That did not happen before. And the interest that I get from men now is not “I’m hitting on your body” kind of energy, it’s “I want to connect with you” energy, which feels much better to me.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Erika, women have almost always more options then men. I doubt that it’s your spiritual work that’s the cause. But you seem to be a sweet girl, so more power to you.

    Heed the wisdom of RSD:
    1. If you enter into a long term relationship with somebody, it’s ok to not use a condom. (I know where I have been, but not where my partner for the night have been. So, better be safe.)
    2. “There’s a time for connection, and that’s AFTER sex.” Quote, Tim, RSD. (This is probably more aimed at guys then girls. Guys can sometimes be too romantic for their own good.)

    “Also, I think it was Sean Messenger who once said emotionally healthy people don’t get diseases.”

    You mean like, they have super powers? I don’t think so. There’s also the saying that God takes his favorite children first.

    Escalator

  4. Erika says:

    Points taken, Escalator. I’m allowed to say something outrageous and possibly ill-advised from time to time. ;-)

    Re: the guy — actually we’ve known each other for a while. And this was all in good flirtatious fun. But I’ve had a lot of guys say the same thing to me in the past year. Guys who’ve known me for a while. They’re quite serious about it and willing to marry me, enter into a contract, etc. It’s yet another byproduct of the spiritual work that I now have a lot of options, which is nice :-)

    Re condoms, I can say what I said because I don’t sleep around (obviously). It does strike me as odd though to be super intimate with someone and then put a latex barrier between us. I hope if I ever have sex again that the level of trust will be much higher than that.

    Also, I think it was Sean Messenger who once said emotionally healthy people don’t get diseases. I subscribe to that theory, though admittedly I haven’t tested it yet ;-)

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hi Erika,
    Thanks for sharing that.

    “Him: We don’t have to use a condom. I don’t mind if you get pregnant with me. I’ll have a baby with you. “

    I don’t know about this guy… that sounds pretty chode. How does he know that you’re not a nut case? : ) (Sorry. Had to put that in….)

    Intimacy. You’ll get it through the eyes. Not through someone else’s STD. Don’t be a fool.
    BTW I hate condoms too.

    Escalator

  6. Erika says:

    Thanks for asking, Escalator. Maybe I’ll write more about it when it gels more.

    For now, I’m just following heart and intuition like I always do. I will willingly be seduced as long as I’m feeling emotionally safe. The situation was developing in a way that didn’t feel good or fully connected to me. I made an effort to communicate about it and didn’t find the emotional relief I was looking for.

    My internal state of happiness has become more important to me than anything in the outside world. So I follow my intuition to restore my state of happiness, and in this case it meant stepping away from the situation, at least for now.

  7. zethelius says:

    So, it didn’t work out then with the guy? Care to share?

    escalator

  8. Dan says:

    “Note to aspiring seducers: The window of seduction is a precious window of vulnerability, when a woman’s heart is open. When you see that window open, it’s time to man up and lead her to you. If you miss that window, and the girl is me, she’ll be gone.”

    Totally true. But of course, you already know that.

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