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Feeling deep sadness tonight

After anger clears, we get to what is really underneath all anger: grief.

As a blogger and a coach, I could sit here and pretend never to get sad. I could bombard you all with “positive thinking” all the time. But that’s not what gets people healed. What gets people healed is feeling all of their emotions in all their fullness, without judging them.

People desperately need to be heard, exactly as they are, exactly where they are, without being told that they “should” feel something other than what they feel.

On that note,

I feel very deep grief tonight at the loss of a connection that was so precious to me. And lost why? Because of fear. Only that. Fear of going deeper. Fear of staying present with the feelings that were coming up. Fear of receiving from the Universe something so breaktakingly beautiful, and daring to imagine it could endure.

I feel tremendous grief about the lost opportunity. The lost connection. The misunderstandings. The pain inflicted on each other. The pain felt by the community.

I feel devastated that we turned away from each other’s pain instead of sharing it and embracing it and honoring each other.

I feel sad at not having a chance to explore the tantra, the intimacy, the friendship, the possibilities for co-creation. I feel scared there won’t be another opportunity. I feel scared I won’t be able to open myself up to something like that again, or that even if I could, nothing quite that beautiful will ever come along again. I feel really scared I won’t be able to be that vulnerable, that trusting, that open, ever again.

Very much crying right now. I’ve cried a lot over this. Only now though does it feel like I’ve come into the fullness of the grief.

The grief of the separation from him, from all our brothers and sisters, and from God.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Erika says:

    Hi Saltz,

    Thanks for following up, I appreciate your request for clarification. I'm not sure I understand what you're asking when you say "I don't know how to do it perfectly, in fact I still feel things are unresolved."

    If a guy doesn't hold space, the best way I can teach him is to communicate honestly. Tell him what doesn't feel good and

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hey Erika, I'm trying your stuff out, and I appreciate your response. But I don't know how to do it perfectly, in fact I still feel things are unresolved, almost like my question was not addressed.

    I mean if a guy doesn't know any better and does not properly hold space, isn't that his current natural response? Isn't he like a puppy dog that pees on the rug and

  3. Erika says:

    Saltzer,

    thanks for your comment. Yes of course. And at the same time, we honor each other by giving feedback about how things feel. This blog is a lot about raising awareness because our overall cultural conditioning is so non-conducive to deep connection.

    When someone tells me that what I said felt disconnecting to them and shares with me their experience, they are giving

  4. Erika says:

    Anonymous 5:08 pm,

    thanks for your comment. It helps me be more aware when I do the same thing … but seriously did you listen to a word I said?

    Of course feelings can change. They change a lot faster when we let them be there instead of disconnecting by giving advice.

    I am an EFT expert, and EFT incorporates NLP. That said, one of the reasons EFT doesn't

  5. Anonymous says:

    I'm curious, if a given Dude on a given day in a given moment is trying to fix, isn't that his current truth?

    If you want him to do something other than what he's doing, isn't that an act of control as well?

    Perhaps accepting him where he is, (at a moment when he's not holding space for you) is the real truth of the moment. What is, is…right?

  6. Anonymous says:

    Feelings can be changed…haven't you heard of NLP?

    "Energy flows, where attention goes"

    Rather than dwell on what was lost, why not think about the wisdom you gained from the experience.

  7. Gayla D'Gaia says:

    Also, Erika, I like supporting this forum. I like supporting you. I like the mutual connection we share that empowers others. It is a kind of gifting that has empowered me through giving of my honesty and openness here.

    I imagine your grief must be challenging to be with if you feel your needs to have it simply acknowledged are not being met.

    I imagine that you feel grief

  8. Gayla D'Gaia says:

    Great response Erika. I just benefitted from your commitment to help people stay centered and open when someone else is sharing their pain. This represents a huge victory in a formerly impossible situation. The truth is, when a man is able to stay present with a woman's pain, the likelihood that she will need to keep attacking or trying to suck energy from him in some other way disappears.

  9. Erika says:

    I very much appreciate that the intention of all three of these comments is to be helpful, and

    I'm still determined to teach you guys how to be with someone's feelings rather than succumbing to the urge to "fix" or advise.

    Nobody wants to hear things like "you can't do anything about it." Not only do things like that feel incredibly

  10. SMoKeLioN says:

    Sometimes pot helps

  11. McSmokey says:

    Hey Erika, would you like to share about what connection you lost?

    I think I felt something similar few days ago.. although maybe less mmm sadness? but still.. like something is lost. Dunno.

    So now what..? you try to feel the sadness and grief totally?
    its sounds counter productive because usually when we stay in one emotion too much we get stuck in it and we need

  12. Anonymous says:

    I think life is about "flows". You can enjoy chocolate only for so long, you can enjoy a shower for only so long, you can enjoy a vacation only for so many days. Some relationships, connections etc have their cycle, and you cant do anything about it, but continue to evolve. Like cycles, there will be others of different flavours in the future. my 2 cents!

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