I agree that the concept of sex is more different in holy relationships, where both partners have a certain mindset. If both are a certain way, the mindset regarding sex would also match, and neither would feel lesser or betrayed by the other partner due to their lesser or more need for sex.

Otherwise I feel there have been too much emphasis on sexuality, where even if the in-the-moment effect feels good, it doesn’t feel right for the more spiritually evolved. At least before we feel truly connected with our partner and we love them without a strong sense of attachment. Which I feel is kind of rare. And in a marriage setting there is a lot more security present, since we consciously detach from other relationships such as with our family to focus more on our spouse, in all the ups and downs of life, and stay together. So developing true love without much fear on it is easier in a marriage, I feel.

Also I feel more people are lost regarding how to pursue sex. For this people need to get exposed to tantra, where sensuality between partners in a comfortable setting is present, but sexuality is delayed, and there is less emphasis on touching the erotic areas (like nipples and genitals) than on very gently massaging all other areas. I would say for a very committed or married couple it would be best obviously, or at least a person needs to receive this experience from a tantric therapist to learn on the methods before trying on their own. Again personal comfort and security is VERY important, I have learned to trust my instincts more in my own life.

Thank you Erika for your reply :) I appreciate your honesty and open-heartedness, in trying to be real. It reminds me of Zen Buddhists. A number of people in different religious denominations claim to have the only right way where they are absolutely sure, yet Zen Buddhists try to find practical ways to achieve enlightenment or understanding to handle real world issues, and even sometimes admit that they are not sure why their particular technique worked! This is a rare level of honesty, that people are usually afraid to display, lest they be seen as lesser by people who take them as advisors or follow particular methods of their’s. But it is this mindset that helps us draw closer to what is true.

Please watch this short video if possible, by one of the great spiritual teachers, Barry Long, on love versus sex:

youtube.com/watch?v=dv1e3xJY9sg

Hi sAMIRA,

Thanks for stopping by and commenting :) I appreciate you sharing your experience and yes the inner conflicts!

I feel very confused whether sex has a place in a holy relationship. At this point, I lean toward “no.”

With certainty, I can say that I am very happy that I did not have sex with a recent male companion. After our time together, communication has been inconsistent and frustrating. Had I ignored my intuition and had sex with him, I would now feel angry and devastated. Because I refrained from having sex, I feel much more calm about it.

Hope to see you again here soon, yes we have a lot of sorting out to do, to find what is right for us!

One thing I have consistently battled with is on sexuality. I have quite strong sex drive, and would LOVE to enjoy that with someone, but overwhelmingly I feel, with the right person. With a soulmate partner actually. As you said, we women have more trouble with short term sexual encounters, or with men with whom the future is not consistent, and the big matters are not solved out as they should.

Also despite knowing marriage to be a man-made invention, the concept of the union between two souls being declared out, and each one to be present in their spouse’s ups and downs faithfully, seem sacred and holy, with sex solidifying the bond between the two partners. The inner need to be chaste and enjoy with wholesome fullness with the right person at the right time is an instinct by itself.

All the best for your soulmate search Erika! I sincerely pray you meet the right man, who has the full package! :D

Thanks for the reassurance :)

Sorry Joe, your personal attacks have been deleted. And you may want to stay tuned here. You just might be surprised ;)