Comments on: Why Most Dating Advice Does Not Work … and What to Do About It

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 15:27:47 +0000

Hi Tinque,

You make a good point. When I refer to "spontaneity," I'm referring to a different energy than what you're talking about.

Many people have stifled their spontaneity because they haven't learned ways of expressing negative feelings like anger, fear, frustration, without blaming or attacking another person. So there is this reflexive

By: tinque

tinque — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 18:54:31 +0000

In theory what you say is great, but spontaneity can get you into trouble IF you are responding to someone from a fear place. When in fear it's easy to misinterpret and say something that's not only unrelated to what was presented to you, you may also say something you deeply regret later.
I have taught myself to "hesitate" a moment if ever any anxiety which is simply fear

By: Erika

Erika — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:23:20 +0000

Quick, it's been nice to see you back on the blog. Welcome back.

Bethany, I just want you to notice that even evaluating the conversation as "lackluster" is being in your head a bit. Do you see that? When we get all the voices in our head integrated, which doesn't happen overnight ... even working with a skilled practitioner there may be a lot of mental spaghetti

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 20:09:35 +0000

Interesting: I am totally a "baby" at EFT and just learning, but I tapped this morning discreetly at my desk about my anxiety and feeling like I always screw up my relationships and "oh my god I've messed everything up beyond repair now and it's never going to get better" (oooh, feel that still, better get tapping on it some more), and then I felt sort of freed up…

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 04:20:05 +0000

Erika–love this. I know that is totally my problem–being too in my head and panicking and letting my mental spaghetti run me. It seems like what you're advocating is a practice for a way of being in the world instead of making oneself smaller. –Bethany

By: Miss Mercedes

Miss Mercedes — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 20:56:38 +0000

Hmmm…I have 20 "Rules" on my blog that I follow (and created because of all the things I learned from my own disasterous mistakes) and they work. They are my rules to live by…they are my boundaries…they are my desires. They come from my heart and they work. I do love this article, but I must say…some rules are good and applying them to your life can change things in ways you

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:32:56 +0000

Aldonza and Anonymous,

Thanks for the great comments. I may write another blog article to expand on this.

Anonymous, the other person is not really "losing interest." Usually what's happening is YOU have disconnected emotionally (by going in your head) or YOU have rejected yourself (by judging yourself). For most people though this is happening at a

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:20:48 +0000

Hey SMoKeLioN,

Lol, nice try, but ... EFT cannot be used for evil. It can't be used to manipulate anyone either.

I will say this, though ... your thoughts (conscious and, more importantly, subconscious) are creating everything you see. So if you get YOURSELF in the mood that you're hoping to create in someone else, you're much more likely to see that mood

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:03:55 +0000

Thanks Erica! I needed that! I think this is why I have been screwing up my relationships. I think too much! I want it to be perfect and then those thoughts lead to them losing interest.

By: Aldonza

Aldonza — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:50:41 +0000

I wanted to comment on all the really good stuff you have here, especially about "the rules". Even Rori's stuff sometimes gets me too much "in my head" trying to remember what I'm supposed to do instead of being authentic.

But then you commented on the taxi thing, and my honest thought was, "yeah, things like that happened to me all the time when I was