There are no rules :-)

In the past few weeks, you may have noticed I’ve broken pretty much every rule and dating taboo in the book.

I get a LOT of emails from guys (and girls) asking me for advice about this situation or that situation. Most of them are looking for rules. A rule they can “apply” to tell them “what to do.”

I understand the longing for rules. We think somehow if there is a “formula” for life, then we will have “figured it out.” We’ll be safer. We’ll get predictable results. Etc.

It doesn’t work that way. You can follow other people’s advice and systems until the end of time and not have any real success. You can follow other people’s advice and hold yourself back from doing what’s really in your heart to do. You can follow other people’s advice (everyone has a different opinion, so good luck following them all) until you’ve over-thought yourself into total and complete mental gridlock.

And you’ll end up even more frustrated than when you started.

You’d be better off making your own rules.

I hear guys saying, “oh, I can’t do that. she’ll think I’m needy.”

Who gives a rat’s ass what she thinks. What do YOU want to do?

Or how about “I can’t do it. I’m stuck in my pathetic story.”

Well, then emulate Edward the Vampire from Twilight. He’s as stuck as you can be in his dark story, and it’s not stopping him from getting the girl.

Do you have any idea how refreshing it is to be around that rare individual who is acting from their own authentic center instead of censoring themselves worrying what YOU might think of them?

I didn’t start receiving multiple marriage proposals (most of them coming out of the blue sky, by the way, with no cultivation or intention whatsoever on my part) until I started breaking all the fucking rules and doing things entirely by intuition.

I trust intuition will get me the rest of the way Home.

Fuck the rules. Fuck conventional wisdom.

Try following your heart today. It knows what to do.


Fritz just got up on the counter and lapped up all of the froth from the milk I had prepared for my morning hazelnut cappuccino. Notice that he is not following any rules … I love him anyway :-)

In this photo, notice Fritz’s apparent lack of concern that he broke the rules:

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. Fritz is such a cutie! You should have devoted an entire post entirely for him, haha. :)

  2. Thanks Erika,

    Good for you on getting all those proposals, it sounds like you authentically drew people into you!

    I do wonder about some of the men, what could some of them expect if they had never been romantically connected to you? At the moment they asked you did you feel a strong connection, and did you feel tempted by all of them? Or did some still seem like friends

  3. I wouldn't say rules are meant to be broken.

    They're intended to be followed.

    The conflict comes in because the present self makes the rules for the future self. By that time, the new present self can usually outmanuver the memory of the past self.

    While rules are intended on being followed, I would also say that when you get down to it,

  4. Thanks, Phil.

    Nah, I took them down because I had finally given myself enough empathy that I finally felt understood. And then what happened is what always happens when people receive enough empathy … I started feeling tons of spontaneous empathy for Entropy.

  5. Great post, Erika!

    People in the Western world are completely trapped in a Matrix of rules. I live in Brazil right now and everything is "raw" here!
    Men like to be fucked in the ass and are mostly bisexual, women love sex and would laugh about rules like not kissing on the first date (if they know what dates are at all) and when girls turn 16 here, they already have

  6. Good point, Avi.

    What you're pointing out is the difference between rules and values.

    To me, honesty and integrity and being impeccable with one's word are values. It's not possible to be congruent without them. It's not possible to have good relationships without them. Same goes for compassion.

    Rules, by contrast, are things like "you

  7. Avi Drissman says:

    They have a word for not caring about what other people think or feel. It's "psychopathy."

    Really, though, how do you balance doing your own thing with not being a complete asshole and leaving those with whom you interacted in worse shape than you found them? That's a concern that you should have; just look at your previous post.


  8. When a man proposes to you, what has been his response when you say no? How do you respond? do you share with him your needs that would need to be met in order to say yes?

  9. Lisa,

    Thanks for your comment, which feels very sincere and is much appreciated.

    It has varied a lot actually. Some I've known for years but never been deeply romantically involved with. Some I had only recently met. It seems to be a vibe thing on my part more than anything else.


  10. This is one of your simplest AND best posts yet. Indeed there are some guidelines that can help people grow, but never hard fast rules.

    And heck, even guidelines can sometimes create too much thought and worry. Oh, by the way, I'm so curious about how out of the blue the marriage proposals were. Did they know you for a while in each case? Did they give you a reason?

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