Loving more that one person rarely works out in the long run. People will always naturally gravitate to the opposite sex lover that satisfies their needs most and the other will be left hurt, broken, alone and the relationship will end.

More power to polyamory people if it feels right for them. This is the way they are made. I feel that polyamory should be a sexual identity along with bi, or gay. The reason so many of us in the “monogamy” community react so strongly to a lot of the polyamory articles is that they always seem to be titled something like, “Is monogamy dead or outdated”. Articles about the gay community never say “Is being straight a thing of the past?” And none of my gay friends have ever asked me to come to the other side because everybody is doing it and my way of thinking is obsolete today. Yet, all of these articles seem to smuggly position polyamory as the “evolved thing” to do. I feel that it is just as supremely arrogant to question the validity of monogamy as a choice as it is to question the validity of any other sexual identity or orientation.

Not that I’m some kind of prude either. I’m perfectly OK with people exploring threesomes if both partners are sharing an experience that will bring them closer. But if both partners just want to go on and experience other lovers on their own, independent of one another; it may work out temporarily, and some may acquiesce under pressure from the more independent minded partner in a desperate attempt to keep their relationship together, but in the long run the relationship is doomed. Someone will be preferred over the other and the other will be brokenhearted.

These articles all incessantly laud polyamory as the evolved choice for those strong enough to be unaffected by the petty human need for security, trust, and a desire to feel that the love some partners share should be singularly special. And they always strongly try to imply that people who have enough self love wouldn’t need the comfort, security and love of an unchallenged relationship.

These articles are always trying to make me feel that if only I was strong, and secure enough I would see the light and come over to the other side. The polyamory community is making no friends friends among the monogamy community by taking this stance. This is the equivalent of telling gays and lesbians that their emotions and reality aren’t real and that if they only tried harder, they could become straight.

With all this “monogamy is dead rhetoric everywhere I turn, I’m starting to believe I might just be among the last few people alive not fucking everyone on the planet. And don’t even get me started on the “monogamy is not in our caveman nature” crap. You know what! Civilization is not in our caveman nature either. Men use to get women to have sex with by simply overpowering them. Forcefully stealing whole villages of them from their families and their husbands. Do polyamorists believe we shouldn’t have kidnapping and rape laws because it is not in our caveman nature to do so? Should men today simply be able to overpower a woman, drag her into an alley and rape her because he is being true to his caveman truest self? The bullshit is raining so hard on polyamory people they can’t see the sky.

Finally, it’s not very loving to dismiss and diminish someone’s core belief system that they arrived at through great soul searching and hard won inner truths just because it doesn’t suit you. To challenge my monogamy as a belief system that’s holding me back or an obstacle that I need to overcome is just as arrogant as a fundamentalist christian telling a gay person that if he finds the right god he will see the foolishness of his ways and find the strength within himself to become straight.

In one recent article I read the author says, that, “the strongest false belief on this planet I find is that we can only love one person.” It’s not that I believe that I can only romantically love one person, it’s that I only want to romantically love one person. Having the ability to do something and wanting to do it are two very different things. And they always seem to use the example,”isn’t a mother capable of loving more than one child? Of course a mother is capable of loving more than one child…but she doesn’t fuck them! Sure, a mother can fuck them…but she doesn’t want to fuck them. See the difference.

It’s not very “evolved” to belittle another person’s hard-found, truest, inner soul and arrogantly dismiss it as folly. For Cristsake, I’m not brainwashed! And I actively dismiss and rebel against convention and many failing social/political/economic systems in place today. Why can’t you just let me be with what is true for my soul and my life? Why can’t you just lift your purpose without putting down mine? Why can’t you just fuck other people and leave me be with my life, my heart, my soul…my one true love.

Good to have mind blown, yes? ;)

:0 you’re blowing my mind right now! this changes everything that I know to be in my life. I don’t know what to think?

It could. And any idea – which is what we are – is immortal. The main shift is away from sickness and death and toward a conscious life that will end the dream of earth. When it’s all been perfected, the world will dissolve into light. That is not death. It is a conscious choice to awaken from the dream.

so are you saying that our physical form can live forever?

Hi Michael,

Welcome to the blog. Everything we see is an illusion. A projection of our minds. Recognizing this, and recognizing that aging and death make us unhappy, why would we keep them? God made not death, and we renounce it now in every form …

Hi Bjorn, thanks for sharing your experiences. I believe we can indeed build profound connections among multiple people. We can do this more effectively if we create relationships that first meet people’s need for safety, consistency, and reliability. It’s usually the fear that screws things up, so we need to make sure everyone is well taken care of in these situations.